Post # 17
So… 4 hours have passed since the OP so I’m hoping you’re in a better head space to take in some of these women’s comments. Firstly, you sound genuinely heartbroken and I know what that feels like. No doubt your ex is in pain too but it doesn’t sound like you were right for her. You say you want to help her but I think you will only damage her. She sounds like a bright, kind and generous woman who will do perfectly fine on her own. Better, in fact. The best thing my cheating asshole of an ex did for me was leave me alone long enough for me to meet my amazing husband. Let her go and live the life she deserves with someone she can trust, and good luck to you for finding someone who can appreciate the better man she helped you become.
Post # 18
+1 Kelly Louise. I know you’re really really hurting, but it seems like your life has greatly improved because of her.
Don’t allow yourself to regress, own up to the person you are TODAY, not yesterday or a year ago. Now it’s time for you to move on with life, forgive yourself, and meet other people now that you’re on the recovery road.
Sex addiction is real, and I fear since you have serparated and you are depressed, you will depend on it again to fulfill some emotional issue you’ve had in your life. Please go seek help/therapy so you don’t relapse. This is not something you can ‘quit’ and just forget about. It will only do more damage by repressing its existance.
You will need to let her move on, but please try to stay away from her at all costs. No emails, facebook creeping…nothing. It will only make you hurt more and it won’t help your healing. Healing will take awhile, and you will feel sad for some time. Try to pick up a healthy habit– meet new people. Breathe and enjoy life that we’re gifted for such a short period of time.
But please seek help, and if you don’t have the money, I strongely suggest you try out some different churches. They are there to help, even if you don’t have religious ties.
Post # 19
@Worst-husband: You need intensive therapy now. In fact, I think you should check yourself into an inpatient program. There’s no shame in reaching out for help. In fact, it’s the bravest thing you could possibly do right now.
What this all boils down to in my opinion is this: You can’t love anyone unless you love yourself. It’s a cliche, but it’s true. The best possible thing you can do for her, you, or anyone you interact with is to 1) let her go, without violence towards anyone (of course) and 2) learn how to forgive and even love yourself. That’s where love starts. This may seem impossible, but it is absolutely possible. But you need help from a professional to learn how to do it.
Post # 21
Please, get therapy right away.
But, I’m not sure this is for real? Yikes, mods. . .
Post # 22
This post is seriously creeping me out. I don’t know if this is a legit poster, but his tendencies are very scary. You need to check yourself in to a rehab or something again and let go of your ex-fiancee.
Post # 23
This doesn’t look like trolling to me. I see that he insults or degrades himself often, and goes back and fourth with his reasoning. I’m legitimatley hoping the person who wrote this seeks emergency intervention.
Post # 24
Wow! This post was creepy. I was hoping it was a joke. If it’s not a joke, I don’t think he needs advise from anyone to “get her back”. Instead, he needs serious and prompt intervention. REALLY. He is ill.
Post # 25
This is all a little too “50 shades” for me.
I hope this isnt real. If it is, I pray that you get the help you need. Just because you say you are better, it doesnt sound like you are. Therapy doesnt stop once you are ‘fixed’, it has to be an ongoing thing, esp in situations like this.
And, I’m sorry but I think the best thing for her, is for you to leave her alone.
Post # 26
I wanted to give an update to this post. I have read over the thoughtful responses (and no, it wasn’t trolling, I was in a very dark place). I also reread what I wrote three months ago, and I see why you were all so concerned.
I have realized that, apart from my sex addiction, I also carried heavy emotional grief and guilt. I felt ashamed, and I definitely didn’t feel worthy of my fiance. The way I was acting, I definitely wasn’t worthy of her. I decided to get back into therapy, and have been diligent about going weekly. I also have been journaling to deal with some of these deep-seeded fears and issues. The fact is, I was a liar. I would lie just because it was more convenient than the truth. I hadn’t forgiven myself for my cheating, yet I expected my fiance to deal with a guilty, ashamed man. No one wants to deal with that. I started getting back into the hobbies that I love, and that’s helped a lot with my self confidence. I also have really enjoyed my profession, and have been working steadily at my company for almost 4 months. As for my fiance, we took a long break after this incident, and she entered therapy as well to deal with her issues of dependency on relationships and enabling me. We have been seeing each other, but moving slowly, because I think we both have more healing to do. I use the term “fiance” loosely, we haven’t set a new date or anything like that, but I do believe that she is my soulmate. She brought me up from the lowest I’ve ever been. In fact, I hadn’t known real happiness in any form until I met her. I hope that with the stronger I get, and the more I’m able to let go of my past issues, that I’ll be able to give her that kind of happiness. It will probably be a long time, but I want to give back to her. She is the most worthy person I’ve ever met.
To the ladies on this board: I’m sorry, I realize my post was genuinely creepy. I really appreciate the heartfelt advice, and it was no small factor in causing me to seek help. Thank you.
Thanks to all of you. You all are so compassionate and insightful.
Post # 27
Well, I just saw this, and I am so happy that you’re getting the help you needed and that she is as well. I hope everything goes the best way possible. Hugs!
Post # 28
This made me very happy to read.
No relationship is perfect and we all have our own struggles and very low-points…don’t feel alone; we all have a past, mistakes, and issues.
I’m happy you’re able to work yours out to be better people for one another. That’s what love is aboout.
Thank you for your brutal honesty and openess.
Post # 29
What a fantastic update. Thank you for coming back to share with us! I wish you and your partner the best.
Post # 30
wonderful news. I’m really so happy for you!
Post # 31
So glad you are getting help. Often we spend our lives running from the darkness inside of us. And that running and avoidance cause so much more pain than just shining a light onto the dark places.
Keep up the good work–you deserve to find happiness!