(Closed) I never see my husband anymore… advice?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
96 posts
Worker bee

Mr. P worked nights from last August til this March.  I gotta say it was definitely not easy, but take it as time to appreciate a little element of singleness.  Not as in, going out and partying (at least not for me) but in having some free time to spend with my gal friends and stuff since my evenings were more or less free.  Also, another silver lining is that when you DO spend time you really really appreciate it.  Make a point to still have dates and stuff like that… it’ll make a difference!

Post # 4
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

I’m usually gone Monday thru Thursday when I’m working with my dad, so I don’t come home at all to Mr. Peng. It sucks, but we’re pretty used to it. Weekends are that much more exciting 🙂

Post # 5
2143 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s not quite the same since hubby and I at least used to get to go to bed together, but for awhile hubby had only thursdays and fridays off, while I had the weekend, so we didn’t get spare time with each other either. It does suck, but just remember it won’t be forever and it really is still better than nothing! Maybe he can start looking for different hours? Usually when you’re the newbie you get the cruddy schedules though, like nights and weekends. Hang in there!

Post # 7
96 posts
Worker bee

I should also say.. don’t feel bad if you’re sad and stuff.  I kinda went between being positive and then sometimes just really hating it.  It’s normal!  But just to make it easier on you, try to find ways to pass the time and make the most of it!

Post # 9
18 posts
  • Wedding: September 2009

My fiance is a police officer who works twelve hour shifts (either 6:00 p.m.-6:00 a.m. or vice versa). Every other month he’s on nights so for two-three days at a time I don’t see him. It was hard to get used to, but it makes you appreciate the time you have together. Plus it’s nice to be able to watch girly tv shows and eat ice cream for dinner sometimes… 🙂 Hang in there!

Post # 10
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

Oh yeah, I started that thread doctorgirl linked to. I hate my husband’s night shift. Hate hate hate. And I do get pissy sometimes when I come home from an 8 hour shift and he says "Ughh, I’m so tired… I don’t want to do the dishes/laundry/whatever" and I’m like "Suck it up, buddy, you just slept for 8 hours."

Advice: Be okay with not being okay with it. You don’t have to be Superwife and just deal. But live in your reality as it is, because if all he hears is "I wish you weren’t on nights,"  he’ll probably just feel really inadequate. I know my husband feels like a loser sometimes because he wants to be home with me at night but can’t. Tell him you’re proud that he is working so hard to help support the family. As to getting to sleep together… make the most of common days off. I know you’re technically supposed to keep the same schedule even on weekends, but whatever. Stay up late on Friday or Saturday night and have a couple hours in common with him Saturday and Sunday morning. Same with him, if he’s got a night off… maybe he can go to bed a little early and hold you for a few hours before you have to get up. We do this a lot.

Good luck!

Post # 11
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

I definitely think that you need to make the time you do spend together a priority – whether you spend it watching a TV show, or go on a date – make sure you’re enjoying each others’ company when you can. Someone I know had a 5+ year relationship come to an end after a few years of them working opposite shifts. When one was awake, the other was always sleeping. Or when both were awake, they were doing separate things… basically living separate lives. So definitely make sure you stay connected! Hopefully he’ll get a better shift soon.

Post # 12
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My Fiance is gone Monday-Thursday so it is an adjustment but does make the time you are together a priority. I have to say I love it when he is home sleeping next to me and I appreciate it so much!

Post # 13
341 posts
Helper bee

Right now, the very moment you read this…make a date with him.

My husband started working midnights about 7 years ago and we made it a point to have a standing date EVERY Friday…it has changed to the occasional Sat. when I find myself working late on Friday, but the point is to make it every week.  Sometimes we have guests, but that is ok too.  (Our teenage daughter wanted to go with us her senior year of school before she went to college–how can you say no to that?)    Make it your time to do errands, out to eat, shop for oil for the truck, etc. 

And if you haven’t figured it out, we’ve been married 26 years.  Good luck!  (Oh, and we lovingly nicknamed him the "bear" for the first year he worked midnights–I’m sure you know why)

Post # 14
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

Mrs. Flamingo – it is SO hard to be in your position.  My Fiance is a surgical resident and works night float at least 3 months a year.  During those three months we don’t even see each other except for one afternoon during the weekends (he leaves for work at 6 and gets home around 7:30, and I get home from work at about 7:30-8 and leave for work around 7 am)  I get really stressed during those months and feel totally out of touch with him. 

My best advice is for the time that you are together try to make the best of it and do something that is compatible with how you both are feeling (grabbing a meal, watching tv, etc.)  I also just try to focus on the times when we have normal schedules together.

Post # 15
92 posts
Worker bee

I’m on the opposite side of your situation, I’m also a nurse and work 12 hour night shifts.  My fiance complains quite a bit and is already pushing for me to switch to days (even though I just started, and due to my seniority it will be years before this is feasible).  Does your guy have the possibility of switching to 3 12 hour shifts instead of 5 8 hours eventually? That would free up more nights where you two could be together.

 Like I said in the other thread, I think it’s important to just be supportive and try to remember where the other person is coming from (working nights takes a toll on the body!) and also appreciate the time you have alone.  I think it makes the time you have together more special.

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