(Closed) I never thought I’d need to post one of these… Vent!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
812 posts
Busy bee

Because some girls either just plain hate being alone, or really do go blind when they are in love. I think you should put your foot down a bit though – no running about daft to help them stay together; it’s their relationship, their problem

Post # 5
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Unfortunately all you can do is just be there for your friend when she needs you and hope that she opens her eyes to the reality of her relationship sooner, rather than later. I’m sorry that you are dealing with this, sometimes it’s harder to be on the outside looking. 

Post # 6
812 posts
Busy bee

@aaalexx:  Of course it does, because you are a lovely and caring person. All you can do at the end of the day tho is tell her how you see it and hope she understands and can hopefully calm some of your concerns. Sadly, at the end of the day it is her life and her choice

Post # 7
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@yoaglo:  STOP POSTING THESE LINKS TO YOUR VIRUS!!!!! I flagged this post and hopefully you will be removed soon.

Post # 9
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am sorry to hear this. I went through something similar with my HS BFF and we lost our friendship because I spoke up. They are still together to this day and actually married. I have no idea if she is happy or not. I suggest not pushing this unless you are ready to risk your friendship..

Honestly, your friend is doing really bad things in this relationship too. She is lying and talking to her EX all the time. So, I think its not unreasonable that he is jealous and does not trust her. 

Post # 11
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

i agree with PPs, no longer enable this relationship, they are both doing horrible things to each other. hopefully your friend comes to her senses!

Post # 12
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You’re not a terrible person at all, you’re a good friend.  You needed to voice your concerns. Whether or not she chooses to do anything with them is up to her, but she shouldn’t have admonished you for looking out for her.  But then…I’d imagine she sees red flags too, and is just in denial so deep that she’s on the defensive at all times.

The best you can do is be there for her.  If he thinks you’re a threat to the relationship, he’ll try and cut you out of your friend’s life.  Don’t go out of your way to do things to facilitate their relationship, but if I were you I wouldn’t let on to him that you don’t approve.  Just because he’s not physically abusive now doesn’t mean he’s not building to a point where he can safely be abusive.  I’m not saying he will, just that there are some definite red flags.

Post # 13
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Whew…drama llama. I’d walk out as well, just for my sanity. Don’t enable this anymore, put your foot down, and if she sees it through she’ll come to. Sometimes we need to distance ourselves because they’re too focused on themselves to really understand the noise around them.

Post # 14
5 posts
  • Wedding: March 2013

Hey, reading this almost made me cry.

I was in this exact same situation about 3 years ago. EXCEPT I was the idiot girlfriend.
I dragged my bestfriend through the same stuff.
I can hear her pain in your words now.

Luckily I saw the errors of my way before she dumped me as a friend. I was so lucky to have a best friend at my side who genuinely cared, and was able to forgive me.

The only thing I can tell you is, I AM SO THANKFUL that she told me I was being stupid (in a kind loving way…). Looking back now, I realize that it was her contant voice telling me I was better than that, that I could be strong, that I was something more.

I did the same thing your friend did, I denied. I was mad at her.
I didn’t want to hear it.

My suggestion is to bring it up when appropiate. This bad love will run its course.
You can’t change her mind, but you can help her be strong, which will make it easier

for her to dismiss him, when it comes time.
I know how bad this hurts you right now.

Good luck to her and you.

Post # 16
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh boy that is one doomed relationship! It’s so hard to bite your tongue- I know! My sister dates the same idiot on and off over and over (even after finding out he got married and had a kid one time during their “off” cycle… yea…)- I guess you just have to hope that she’ll figure it out or he’ll catch her texting, you know? His jealousy and insecurities (although they may have some validation considering) most likely mean he cheated already- otherwise why would he suddently start freaking out? It’s his guilt! *sigh* I feel you girl- hang tough and be the good friend you have been 😉

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