(Closed) I never thought it would happen to me…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

why can’t her mom stay home with the baby?

Post # 4
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@kitzy  I was thinking the same thing.

Post # 5
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@kitzy: i was going to ask the same thing LOL

Post # 7
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would be more upset if she just showed up with the mom without asking. At least she did you the courtesy of running it by you to make sure it was okay. That way if it bothers you, you can say no (which you can!)

You can explain it just how you told us – that you have a small guest list and can’t accomodate extras like that since that might upset things with your future in-laws.

Post # 8
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My mom and I have done this without asking the bride and groom if we could several times.  She is a professor, and a lot of the time she will be invited to her students’ weddings.  Invariably, my dad doesn’t want to attend the wedding with my mom, and I am all too enthusiastic to go, so I just go with her instead.

We’ve never really thought about this being rude, because does it really make a difference if I go instead of my dad?  The student isn’t going to know my dad any more than me, and plus, my mom needs someone to help her with her wheelchair. And it’s not as if my dad’s meal hasn’t already been paid for.

I say let your friend bring her mom instead of her husband.  Unless you’re personally very close to the husband, it’s not as if you wouldn’t already have someone there that you didn’t know.  Also, you’ve arleady invited him, so it’s not as if you’ll have to pay for an extra meal or anything.

Post # 9
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

Something positive – She had the courtesy to ask and not just bring her mom without your blessing. 

Do you think that her husband is unable to get off of work to travel to your event? 

Also, do you think she’d not come if you said no?  Just some things to consider…

Post # 10
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I understand not being happy about it.  I had a couple guests use their +1’s for their mom’s!  I also had a friend not be able to bring her hubby and asked if she could bring her sister instead.  That’s the one that most reminds me of your situation.  We were very particular about our guest list and I didn’t want all these randoms there.  BUT – Darling Husband pointed out that we aren’t really going to be hanging out with them and it’s really the person you invited that will be more comfortable.  I say – go for it and extend the invitation to her mom.  She’ll be happier and I bet your in laws won’t notice (they’ll just think the mom is a friend, too!)

Post # 11
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I guess I don’t see this as a big deal. At least she asked you ahead of time and is not bringing her mom with her husband. It sounds like they had a weekend planned and mom wants to make sure she spends time with her daughter. She isn’t really an extra since she is taking hubby’s spot. Fi’s parents aren’t going to know that you aren’t close to friend’s mom. If you don’t want her there, you have to be comfortable saying the spot was for hubby only. 

Post # 13
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I also say let her bring your mom. You were going to pay for the husband (and have the space for him) anyways so it doesnt really make a difference. And its true that you wont even be spending that much time with this person so its more to make sure your guest is comfortable as opposed to you!

Post # 15
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@mightywombat – YW!  Sometimes it’s hard to think of the positives when you’re in the midst of planning a big event!  Hope everything works out!

Post # 16
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@mightywombat:I’m with you. For some reason it really irritated me when people asked to replace their husband/fiance whatever for someone else that neither of us knew. It wasn’t that we didn’t have room, it was just that we really tried to keep it to family and close friends and we didn’t want randos showing up. Plus it sucked to have someone we didn’t really know when we could have invited one of our friends. But I think it’s one of those things to just let go, we did that with a few people and didn’t really notice it when the day came. You are allowed to be annoyed about it though 🙂  At least she asked!

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