(Closed) I never thought this would be me. Replacing a BM.

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Would you reaplace a BM with 6 weeks to go if she wasn't talking to you?

    yes, "promote" your usherette

    no, that was her spot and if she isn't filling it no one should

    no, but tell her now she is out so she doesn't show up.

    some other option that I haven't thought of... please help me out if you have a better idea!

  • Post # 3
    1763 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I would say to just leave it be for now. Having uneven sides would be fine. If this is someone you want in your life I would focus on your friendship and not just her role in the wedding. good luck!

    Post # 4
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Leave it for now


    Post # 5
    6511 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’d just call your Bridesmaid or Best Man, sincerely apologize, tell her you miss her and how much it means to you to have her in your wedding, and ask what you can do to make amends. 

    Post # 7
    780 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I agree with the posters that say leave it for now…  Worse case- you have two spaces instead of three-which is not a huge deal.  But it sounds like (from what I read) you care about the friendship- if so, then don’t want to make the rift even wider by removing her from the position…

    Post # 8
    1109 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    If I were her I might avoid the bride thinking “oh she only wants to call me because she needs to figure out her wedding plans”

    Put the wedding on the back burner. Write her a letter that just says how much she means to you and that you were wrong, and mail it. Don’t mention your wedding at all and understand that she deserves an “I’m sorry” and not an “I’m sorry, will you still be in my wedding?”. If you don’t get any response from her in 2 weeks, that means she needs more time to heal, or that she just doesn’t want anything to do with your wedding. I’d try one more time very sincerely before giving up.

    Post # 9
    389 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think replacing her would be the end of your friendship. I’d work on patching the relationship. Did she ever say she no longer wanted to be a bridesmaid? I agree with the PPs, especially Moja.

    Post # 10
    1684 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I agree with Moja. Write her a letter and wait for two weeks. If she doesn’t get back to you, assume she’s done with you. If it comes to that, I would also clearly communicate via email or another letter that you understand from her behavior that she does not want to be a bridesmaid or attend your wedding, and you respect her decision–just so she doesn’t show up the day of expecting to be a bridesmaid or anything. Four weeks should give you enough time to prepare another Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, right?

    I hope it works out for you and she calms down and you can put all this behind you. Best of luck.

    Post # 11
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @kryje003: Woo Hoo Oct 22nd too ! 

    Good Luck with this! 


    Post # 12
    1844 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

      I agree with the previous posters. I don’t know the entire situation, what was said, etc., but it sounds like it was a big disagreement. I would write your friend a letter and stay away from the wedding part. Falling outs do happen, hopefully it can be resolved soon!

    Post # 13
    2538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    **im going to be the mean girl here**

    ummmm… REPLACE HER! you have gone out of your way to apologize already. yiou are less then 2 mths out from your wedding date…who has time to wait around and have some one sulk about something that cant be changed now. if she was friend she would understand all of the pressure you are under and forgive you!

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