Post # 1
I am 46 days out from my wedding and one of my dear friends and bridesmaid hasnt spoken with me in 15 days.
The short hand of the reason is this. we had a fight, I was in the wrong, I tried to apologize and rather then accepting my apology, she spewed a whole bunch of pent up resentment she held for me attacking my vary character. I emailed her trying to reslove things and she has not tried to contact me in 2 weeks.I now feel that if I contact her again (this would be a third time) it will make things worse becuase she will think I am harassing her.
I told myslef I would give her until labor day to fix things and then I would apoint a new briedsmaid in her stead (while these is time to do so). So that brings us to today. I need to decided if I am going to call my FFSIL (yes two futures, both my wedding and hers need to take place before we are SIL) if she would like to “upgrade” from an usherette to a Bridesmaid or Best Man, or if I am not going to fill her spot and only have 2 BMs to my FI’s 3 GMs. and hope thing work out before then….
I could really use your help ladies. what would you do?
Also, background info, we are making the dresses, my Future Mother-In-Law is a seamstress by trade and we already have the material we need left over so that wouldnt be an issue, and my FFSIL and I are close enough that if I explain the situation, she will not be offended but probably happy to make the change to help me out.
Post # 3
I would say to just leave it be for now. Having uneven sides would be fine. If this is someone you want in your life I would focus on your friendship and not just her role in the wedding. good luck!
Post # 5
I’d just call your Bridesmaid or Best Man, sincerely apologize, tell her you miss her and how much it means to you to have her in your wedding, and ask what you can do to make amends.
Post # 6
@penguinsaremyfriends: Yes I am quite worried about fixing our friendship, and I want it fixed, but I am not sure how o go about that, and that I can worry about long term I m concerned about making the “wedding related decisions” while I still can and it isn’t too late to choose.
Post # 7
I agree with the posters that say leave it for now… Worse case- you have two spaces instead of three-which is not a huge deal. But it sounds like (from what I read) you care about the friendship- if so, then don’t want to make the rift even wider by removing her from the position…
Post # 8
If I were her I might avoid the bride thinking “oh she only wants to call me because she needs to figure out her wedding plans”
Put the wedding on the back burner. Write her a letter that just says how much she means to you and that you were wrong, and mail it. Don’t mention your wedding at all and understand that she deserves an “I’m sorry” and not an “I’m sorry, will you still be in my wedding?”. If you don’t get any response from her in 2 weeks, that means she needs more time to heal, or that she just doesn’t want anything to do with your wedding. I’d try one more time very sincerely before giving up.
Post # 9
I think replacing her would be the end of your friendship. I’d work on patching the relationship. Did she ever say she no longer wanted to be a bridesmaid? I agree with the PPs, especially Moja.
Post # 10
I agree with Moja. Write her a letter and wait for two weeks. If she doesn’t get back to you, assume she’s done with you. If it comes to that, I would also clearly communicate via email or another letter that you understand from her behavior that she does not want to be a bridesmaid or attend your wedding, and you respect her decision–just so she doesn’t show up the day of expecting to be a bridesmaid or anything. Four weeks should give you enough time to prepare another Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, right?
I hope it works out for you and she calms down and you can put all this behind you. Best of luck.
Post # 11
@kryje003: Woo Hoo Oct 22nd too !
Good Luck with this!
Post # 12
I agree with the previous posters. I don’t know the entire situation, what was said, etc., but it sounds like it was a big disagreement. I would write your friend a letter and stay away from the wedding part. Falling outs do happen, hopefully it can be resolved soon!
Post # 13
**im going to be the mean girl here**
ummmm… REPLACE HER! you have gone out of your way to apologize already. yiou are less then 2 mths out from your wedding date…who has time to wait around and have some one sulk about something that cant be changed now. if she was friend she would understand all of the pressure you are under and forgive you!
Post # 14
Thanks Ladies for all the advice. I am still not sure why I am going to do. I know her and I know she does not fight with people, she cuts the out of her life if she doesn’t like what they have done. so at this point I HOPE it can be resolved but that has to be a two way street and it isn’t i her nature to fix things, so I almost don;t think realistically she will ever change her mind about me. or “what an aweful person I am”.