Post # 1
Some of you may recall my post here: https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/70-year-old-mentally-ill-dad-has-a-19-year-old-girlfriend/
I resumed limited contact (one call per week) with my father and said I am extremely hesitant to get to become close to the 19-year-old girlfriend after it became apparent that she is a pathological liar with a criminal record. I told her she is not welcome in our home.
I contacted elder protective services in his county but they said that he needed to complain to me about abuse before they could do anything. I also contacted a lawyer about having him declared incompetent but he is actually really good at taking care of himself and fully functioning within society so I didn’t have enough of a case.
Well, four months later and Dad calls me to announce that they eloped. So now this little con artist is legally bound to my father. I asked him if he signed a prenup and he said no. Then I told him to get in touch with an estate lawyer YESTERDAY to protect my interests because while my current copy of his will says that everything goes to me it probably isn’t valid anymore. I am NOT okay with my inheritance going to a teenager he’s known all of six months.
Do any of you smart Bees have any advice for me? Any of you nice Bees willing to give me some e-hugs?
Post # 2
No advice but definitely sending you a big e-hug. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You may want to consider contacting a lawyer specializing in estate planning and elder law. Not for incompetency purposes, but for asset and estate issues that will arise. I’m a lawyer but I don’t know anything about that field, so no advice other than to reach out to someone who is familiar with the area. Best wishes to you.
Post # 3
Your inheritance? You’re afraid that your father will leave his money to his young wife when he dies? Or are you afraid that he will spend it on her now and leave nothing for you?
So far as inheritances go, it’s better to expect nothing and be pleasantly surprised if there’s anything left at all.
Post # 4
Probably just a rage brainfart but I think she’s your stepmom, not mil.
I don’t know what to say unfortunately. You can look up local intestate estate laws.. I’d be careful pushing him to keep her out of his will: sounds like she has his ear much more than you do, she could easily convince him to keep you out of his will.
Sounds like the whole thing is a mess. I’m sorry bee.
Post # 5
What a shitty situation, Bee. No advice because if he’s legally competent he can do whatever he likes with his assets–your only inheritance from him is what he legally passes to you. At the rate he’s going he may not have anything left for anyone to inherit.
Sending plenty of hugs your way.
Post # 6
Oh dear I am sorry , having one’s father very possibly being conned and hurt is awful.
As for your ‘inheritance’ though , unless and until that is in actually in your hands , it is simply his money to do as pleases with. I think you need to concentrate on other aspects and let that one go, If you get it, fine, if not , well, given that he is legally competent, that his choice, like it or not.
Post # 7
It’s pretty odd you’re more worried about your inheritance than having a relationship with your father while he’s alive.
Anyway, if your dad is of sound mind there’s nothing you can do. You think she “conned” him, but it doesn’t sound like it at all if he’s still able to make sound decisions.
Post # 8
You all make a good point about Dad’s estate not technically being mine. But isn’t it part of the social contract for parents to make provisions for their children and grandchildren in the event of their passing instead of spending it on grifters? I am half my father’s age and have a will making sure my daughter and my three young cousins who have a financially insecure single parent will be taken care of should the worst happen. If, God forbid, my husband were to die and I eventually remarry there would be an ironclad prenup to protect not only my assets but the hypothetical inheritance for my people.
Am I way out of line with this line of thought? I’m open to being told that I’m expecting too much (e.g. just because I have my proverbial shit together doesn’t mean others ought to) and/or acting like a spoiled only child (since I kind of am? As is my husband and my best friend so the people closest to me might also have similar problematic thinking) and adjusting my outlook accordingly.
Post # 9
mrsaime : I do have as good and as solid of a relationship as is possible with a schizophrenic parent whose mental illness I have been helping to manage my entire adult life. So no, I’m not worried about our relationship. I am always worried about the future, though, and I expect those close to me to be worried about it too.
Post # 10
This sucks, Bee and I don’t think you are out of line to he concerned about the potential impact to you and your future considering some of the things you’ve shared about your father.
I don’t have any advice, unfortunately, just sharing my sympathies.
Post # 11
An inheritance is not an expectation I have of my parents, no. I do believe though that parents/spouses should have life insurance while they have dependants, for financial protection. As my parents did until I was financially independent, and as I and my husband have until our children are. An inheritance is a bonus.
If my dad passed away tomorrow, everything would go to my mom. Once she passed away, the rest of it would go to me. If, in between the two passings, my mom met a nice man at the community centre to play bridge with and pass the days and she was not lonely and they shared love and respect, I would not begrudge a single cent she spent on their lives together, or his grandchildren, or a house or a yacht if they wanted.
HOWEVER. If my mom met a 19 year old convict and eloped 6 months later I think I too in this situation would be concerned about “my inheritance”. Not because it is owed to me but because it is just so absolutely terribly obviously shitty to have someone like that end up with what my dad/mom worked for in such a sleazy awful underhanded way.
In short, no it’s not to be expected but in this situation I think you have a right to be upset.
Post # 12
is_a_belle : You have every right to be concerned about how this terrible mistake your father has made will affect you. I just wish you lived in my country, where the law prohibits parents from cutting their children from their wills, unless there is a very strong reason to do so.
You might consider consulting a lawyer whose expertise might help you protect your rights. If you have children, you will not only be protecting your interests, but theirs as well.
Post # 13
What a shitty situation bee. I am so sorry & don’t know what to say unfortunately. It sounds like the whole thing is a absolute mess.
Sending tons of hugs your way!
Post # 14
gollum : this. 100%
OP I’m sorry. No advice. This is shitty and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. I agree with PPs that it can’t hurt to consult with a lawyer.
Post # 15
is_a_belle : you have a 19-year-old step-mother, not mother-in-law (you would have a 19 yo Mother-In-Law if your spouse’s father was the one to marry the 19yo).
as for advice – well, firstly, hugs to you. that’s a hard situation when you feel like your parent is being taken advantage of. unfortunately, there really is not much you can do about it – your father might be making terrible choices about his life, but it IS still HIS life, and he can spend his remaining days on this earth as he sees fit. same goes for his money and estate – it’s his. and while you would hope that he’d prioitize his children over some 19yo bride….well, all i can say it that you’re not the first nor will be the last child whose parents disappointed them. it sucks – and you and entirely valid in feeling frustrated and disappointed by his decisions. but you are not *entitled* to his estate, nonethless.