I now have a 19-year-old stepmom 😑

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Hmm. If i were you i’d get close to new step mom & see what the heck is going on. He could just as easily be preying on her youth. Idk. Do you? 

Post # 18
Member
946 posts
Busy bee

I’m confused. You have a new mother in law or a new step mom?

Post # 21
Member
661 posts
Busy bee

 

is_a_belle :  I completely agree that you should be concerned about your father and his inheritance. This teenager is clearly motivated by money in this situation. The idea that she is in love with your father is just so far beyond the realm of realistic there is no way she is being genuine. 

It is ok to feel that way. I guarantee your dad didn’t spend his hard working days imagining that one day he’d die and give it all to some 19 year old gold digger and not his own children. No. Just no. That’s just not why fathers work hard their whole lives.

I hope you are able to sort this out with a Lawyer. I wish you luck and I’m sorry you are faced with such a complicated burden. 

 

Post # 22
Member
421 posts
Helper bee

When a grown man marries a teenager he just met, I don’t think he’s the one being taken advantage of. And based on the way you describe his mental state and his relationship with previous women, I’m worried about this girl’s safety.

Post # 23
Member
1536 posts
Bumble bee

Hmm. I wouldn’t worry so much about his money after he dies but rather his money that he will need to live comfortably while he is alive. Once health issues and professional senior care start to creep up things get expensive. He needs to be smart about his retirement and his savings. I’ve seen plenty of “well off” folks die with barely anything in the bank bc decent nursing homes cost a fortune.

Post # 24
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

I think your only options are to talk to a lawyer to see what you can do. I’m so sorry bee. This is really awful. I can’t imagine dealing with that.

document everything with your dad and his now wife. If and when things go south ( and they will) because she won’t stick around when he gets older and Your dad needs more care. You will have amo against her. Just be patient. It sucks. But she will leave eventually. She won’t stick around and be with some old guy. Especially if his health requires her to support him. At some point when his health gets bad I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard to visit and prove she Isn’t caring for him well. So just bide your time and keep in contact with your dad. The time will come where she will want out. Wait for it and be ready. 

Post # 25
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

is_a_belle :  out of line? Not entirely IMO.. but out of luck? I think you may be.  Especially if he puts her name on his accounts, even if he had had an iron-clad prenup AND an iron-clad will, 100% of the account would belong to any surviving account owner (her).

So really all she has to do is convince him to make his bank account(s) joint and.. then it doesn’t even matter what the will says.

Post # 26
Member
3616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

If you have been written out of his will multiple times, it is obvious that the two of you use this as a power play.

if he is mentally ill, how does he  earn and keep assets? How much are we talking about here?

I agree with previous posters that his money needs to stay with him to take care of him in old age and it does appear ypu have some concern about that. It is very likely he will have nothing left to give uou as inheritance” because he will need it to care for himself. 

 

 

 

Post # 27
Member
1505 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

is_a_belle :  Not a probate attorney and this is not legal advice.

while my current copy of his will says that everything goes to me it probably isn’t valid anymore

This is very complicated and the surviving spouse’s rights to get an “elective share” of the probated estate vary from state to state.  For example in NC, the law recently changed to where the size of the elective share depends on the length of time they’ve been married.  In TX, the surviving spouse gets a life estate in the homestead property (can live in the house as long as they live), even if that property was separate property and devised to someone else in the will.  

Gets hairier if he amends his current will.  Because while you can contest the will too, I don’t think adult children get as much automatic protection in probate law as spouses and minor children do.  

Of course your situation would be even worse if your father just had no will at all (intestate), because what the surviving spouse gets under intestacy laws (generally half of everything) is probably way more than what their “elective share” would be with an existing will.  

So yeah this is a sucky situation and I sympathize.  Definitely consult a probate attorney in your area ASAP.  Sure you’re not automatically entitled to an inheritance by virtue of being your father’s child, but from your description of the situation it sounds like this 19-year-old is even less entitled to it, morally- if not legally-speaking.

Post # 28
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My father once said he wanted to make sure he left me something.  I told him I hoped he died as broke as possible, making sure he spent as much of the money he worked so hard his who,e life to save.

His money is NOT your “future inheritance. His money is his to do with as he pleases. If he wants to have it fed to peacocks at his funeral it’s HIS money.  If he wants to spend it on a 19 yo that talks to him more than once a week he can do that!  You’ve got some nerve telling him what he can or cannot do with “your inheritance”.  Wow.  Just wow.

Post # 29
Member
5563 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

You have limited contact with your father yet you think his money is your inheritance? 

No, you don’t have anything until your father actually passes and chooses to leave something to you.  While he is alive this is 100% his money and he can do what he wants with it. 

The fact that you contacted a lawyer even though “he is actually really good at taking care of himself and fully functioning within society” shows that this is all about money for you, not about actually looking after your father.  

Then I told him to get in touch with an estate lawyer YESTERDAY to protect my interests

Omg get over yourself. This is the most entitled post I have read in a while. 

Post # 30
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

I’m sorry, I agree with Supernurse :  here. I understand being worried about someone taking advantage of your father, but it shouldn’t be because you’re worried that you’ll end up with less inheritance!

 I want my parents to spend their money on them. Buy the things they want, go on extravagant trips, do what makes them happy. If there’s not a penny left to me then that’s fine, it’s not mine anyway, I didn’t earn it. 

Be worried that this girl will take the money he needs to look after himself, sure, but to worry that he’s spending money on her that he should be leaving to you? Wow, I find that shocking…

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