I now have a 19-year-old stepmom 😑

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
5560 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

is_a_belle :  

Right, he wrote them in the wills, and I’m assuming he adjusted the wills to remove them after they left. It is safe to assume that this will go the same way. I don’t think marriage would make her entitled to anything that he owned prior to the marriage. So if the marriage busts up, he just adjusts the will again

Post # 48
Member
6660 posts
Bee Keeper

When Dad declared his love for the last young woman he was “parenting” when she wanted to leave it seems obvious his intentions were beyond fatherly and he was not likely interested in a platonic relationship when pursuing and marrying the teenager, so yes, a bit creepy.

There are a lot of things that could happen that would mean you would not inherit his money–your father could survive a stroke and require around the clock care for years on end, for example. It is never a good idea to depend upon money that is not and may not be yours. 

Post # 49
Member
607 posts
Busy bee

This whole situation really sucks. I would just have a heart-to-heart conversation with dad and check in with him where he’s at regarding the will and ask him to talk to you if he decides to make any changes. Don’t be upset with him, just ask him to keep your family in mind when it comes to future money planning. The closer you are to him the less likely he is to retaliate… although mental illness can make things confusing. Talk with him, let him know you care about his happiness, make sure he doesn’t think this new 19 year old is the only person that actually cares about him. 

Post # 51
Member
5560 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

is_a_belle :  

I meant to keep an eye on her so you can protect your dad…

Post # 52
Member
5560 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

Also, I asked about the contact with your daughter because I have to protect my own daughter from my mentally ill mother. My mother wanting nothing to do with me, or my daughter, is a blessing because it’s easier to protect her that way

Post # 54
Member
2677 posts
Sugar bee

sooooooooooo…now he hears voices in his head? Inteesting.

Post # 55
Member
5560 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

arosebyanyothername :  

I actually don’t think that’s a new claim from this poster, it’s been established that her dad is mentally ill

You would be surprised at how people with severe UNTREATED mental illnesses can still function enough to not be a danger to themselves or others

I emphasized untreated because people with mental illnesses live productive, healthy lives. I don’t want to be seen as adding to the stigma against mental illness, it’s just that untreated mental illnesses can have devastating consequences on family. Family who cannot do a thing about it.

Post # 58
Member
5560 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

is_a_belle :  

Counseling takes time but it is sooooooo worth it. Sometimes we feel very alone with the cards we’ve been dealt, but that’s far from true.

Post # 59
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

Big e-hug for you…but no advice sorry!

Post # 60
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee

is_a_belle :  priority number one is your and your family’s wellbeing. Limit contact, cut him off completely, etc. do whatever you need to do to get through this. If you have a nagging feeling about inviting them over for thanksgiving then don’t invite them over. Dreading seeing them at Christmas? Don’t invite them over. Maybe meet your dad at a neutral coffee shop for an hour or so every few months. But leave your kids and husband at home if they don’t want to come. 

Regarding the will, everything your dad owns is probably going to end up being his wife’s when your dad passes away. Hopefully they will divorce before she sees a dime but who knows. Sugar babies exist. Definitely put that out of your mind. Your mental health is #1, money can be earned and saved. You can try to go down the legal path but being a gold digger isn’t a crime. Neither is being a well-off older gentleman looking for an 18 year old bride. 

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