(Closed) I now have a Monster-In-Law of my very own…yay (LONG rant)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

OMG!  I dont think there is anything you can do about that.  Yikes!

Post # 4
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

All I can say is WOW! How does your husband feel about this? I think if you do talk to her it should be a team effort!

 

Just curious…what’s a flower exchange?

Post # 5
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow, I totally understand how that would be infuriating. I know that you’re understandably very mad, but I’m all about “kill ’em with kindness.” Maybe send her a card from you and Darling Husband that thanks them for their presence at the wedding, saying that it’s unfortunate that she did not feel as appreciated as she really is by you two. Believe me, her actions reflected poorly on her, not on you. And while I’m sure that I would be livid as well, saying anything to her will almost surely escalate the situation, and I’m sure all of your guests think that she was being ridiculous. If I were in the situation, I would explain to Darling Husband why I am upset about it (obviously!) and let him know that as it’s his mom, he gets to be the first one to deal with it (or us together). I’m sorry that happened to you, but you’re clearly the more mature person about the issue. Wowza.

Post # 7
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ve changed my mind on just being kind, she sounds like she needs to be addressed. 

**HUGS** It totally shows that you love your hubby, I’m sure he appreciates your compassion about how her actions impacted him. Maybe you two should decide a time to speak to her (a few days removed, so there’s more time to come up with a ‘plan of action’ as to who should bring it up and what to say) and try to clear the air on this one. That’s just crazy she would do that, and she does need to know how hurtful it was and and how it has affected your relationship with her. **Hugs again** 

Post # 8
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Honestly this sounds like my mother (God bless her) when she is having a bipolar episode. The blowing-up in public, the bitching about seating. My mother did that at a FUNERAL once and it wasn’t even one of her relatives who died. Ouch? Ouch.

Is Mother-In-Law on any medications or seeing a doctor?

Post # 9
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Aghhhh, I’d let it go. It’s done with. Trust me, you won’t be this mad in two months. Steer clear for a while, if you can. And just take her in small doses. One day, hopefully, maybe, she might realize that her actions are not endearing her to you and her son’s new family. Hope you have better relations with other members of your DH’s family.

Post # 10
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Wow, she sounds very, very insecure. I feel bad for your Mother-In-Law – imagine how stressful and unhappy it must be to go through life like that! Maybe if you pity her, it’ll be easier to forgive her…

sucks when parents can’t act the role of being the adult though. :/

Post # 12
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Just let it go. Nothing you say will improve her behaviour. It will only server to instigate her. She has already made up her mind on how to (mis)treat you. The best you can do is ignore her presence and/or actions at all times. I.e. don’t give her the time of day. You will bite your tongue MANY COUNTLESS times for the next while, but know this that this is the lesser of the two evils: 1) talk to her vs. 2) ignore her and her b.s. You will be more sane, dignified and not wasting your precious time on people who have no real purpose in life other than to make everyone else around them miserable.

Post # 13
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

All I can say is, I get it. My mil behaved herself at the wedding, but afterward, she has made so many negative and rude comments about the wedding. We mostly don’t see her now.

I don’t like killing with kindness because it doesn’t work with irrational people. Irrational people don’t recognize the kindness and go “oh, I should be nicer to this person.” So I ignore.

Post # 14
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

@ribbons:I wanted to chime in about this, but you did it for me. “Killing” irrational or self-absorbed people doesn’t work, in my opinion. Guilt is required for this to work, and there’ll be none when someone doesn’t think anything of the way they behave.

Like some “people” I know. 😛

Post # 15
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

I feel like I have to add my cents in. I would by far call her out on it, TOGETHER. Take it from someone who has a horrible Mother-In-Law and did the same things and worse at my own wedding, She too is very outspoken and rude and frankly trashy, but no one has ever called her out on her bad behavior, they allow it, until I came into the picture, she hates me for that reason only, because I don’t give her a free pass to be a jerk to me or anyone else, and nor does my Darling Husband now. I say you nip this in the butt before it gets out of control, someone like her will never stop, she needs boundries! What she did at your wedding is not apporiate and it she needs to made aware of her actions, she had no problems being rude at your wedding and not giving a crap that it was your special day, she is going to keep walking on you.

Post # 16
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

well I’m so sorry your mil is so childish and ignorant if i were you hell yes i would confront her but that’s because I’m very outspoken as well she would definitely have to hear what i felt and how i think she made an ass of herself and sure the two of you can talk to her together but after she heard an earful of what i have to say she sounds jealous and childish i don’t know why they make it so damn hard i have 3 boys and when its there turn to get married i will know my place as a mom and she doesn’t know hers just remember it’s not what you say but how you say it express your anger so you don’t have to keep your feelings inside it doesn’t have to sound angry and nasty make is sharp and firm like i said it’s not what u say but how u say it so sorry u went through this.

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