Post # 1
The first time I saw Mother-In-Law at the wedding was when we were doing the flower exchange. She had this pissed off look on her face but I know how hard it must be to see her oldest child, and only boy, get married. When I bent down to kiss her cheek she kind of pulled back and was like “thanks”. Okay, whatever. I didn’t think much of it at the time.
After the group shots of the wedding party we took group shots of my whole family. We then took group shots of DH’s family. Everything went well, we were done quick & went to the reception. When we got to the clubhouse and were finally able to sit down for a quick bite, I noticed my IL’s were not at the table assigned to them. I, again, didn’t think much of it because there was just so much going on.
As Darling Husband & I started walking table to table one of my friends goes, “Hey, were we supposed to be in the front??” And I said, “Yeah! I thought something was wrong. What happened?”. The friend tells me that Mother-In-Law had a fit because they weren’t seated right in front and made the DOC change everything around for my IL’s. (side note: I sat the loud friends in the front by the DJ because I figured they’d do well there. I sat IL’s 2 tables away from where Darling Husband & I were seated because of the noise and the grandfather not hearing well as it is). Well come to find out, Mother-In-Law was having a HUUUUUUUGE bitch fit because she wasn’t seated where SHE felt she needed to be seated and therefore was being “disrespected”. She was practically yelling @ the DOC, causing a huge scene in front of both our families and friends.
I was also told during my family group photos she was making rude comments and wanting to know why HER family didn’t get the privilege of getting pictures taken, why HER family was being left out, HER family HAD BETTER get their picture taken, yada. yada. yada. My mom finally told her, “Look, as soon as our family is done you’ll get your chance”. Our family friend had given Mother-In-Law her corsage and Mother-In-Law goes, “Oh. You mean I get one? I heard I wasn’t important enough to get one” and the family friend told her of course she’s important because she’s the grooms mother to which Mother-In-Law says, “That’s not what everyone else kept saying. I figured they (DH & I) didn’t want me to have one”.
I am SO beyond pissed right now. I’m so embarrassed and feel disrespected by her. I can’t believe she thought it was okay to have a fit over seating in front of 150 other people. I have dealt w/ her stupid shit before, but definitely not at a wedding or in front of both our families. I do not intend to let this go. I want her to know her behavior was disrespectful and unacceptable. However, I don’t know how to go about this w/out making a huge scene like she has made. I don’t plan on being rude or vicious…I refuse to stoop to her level. Please help me. Right now I just want to punch her in the face
Post # 3
OMG! I dont think there is anything you can do about that. Yikes!
Post # 4
All I can say is WOW! How does your husband feel about this? I think if you do talk to her it should be a team effort!
Just curious…what’s a flower exchange?
Post # 5
Wow, I totally understand how that would be infuriating. I know that you’re understandably very mad, but I’m all about “kill ’em with kindness.” Maybe send her a card from you and Darling Husband that thanks them for their presence at the wedding, saying that it’s unfortunate that she did not feel as appreciated as she really is by you two. Believe me, her actions reflected poorly on her, not on you. And while I’m sure that I would be livid as well, saying anything to her will almost surely escalate the situation, and I’m sure all of your guests think that she was being ridiculous. If I were in the situation, I would explain to Darling Husband why I am upset about it (obviously!) and let him know that as it’s his mom, he gets to be the first one to deal with it (or us together). I’m sorry that happened to you, but you’re clearly the more mature person about the issue. Wowza.
Post # 6
We both found out this evening & talked about it and he is upset. He can’t believe his own mother would pull a stunt like that. She’s VERY ouspoken & will get mad over stupid crap but we certainly didn’t think there would be problems at our wedding. Hubby is usually very quiet and reserved but this time he is on board with seeing wtf her problem is.
One part of me says, “You need to call this beotch out. Who cares if you’re alone”, another part says “You need to do this as a team”, and another says “You need to let hubby deal w/ her”. I feel like crying. I’m upset for him more than anything. She couldn’t just give him this one day?? His wedding day?!
@divergirl: Our flower exchange was where I gave a white rose to Mother-In-Law & hubby gave a white rose to my mother.
Post # 7
I’ve changed my mind on just being kind, she sounds like she needs to be addressed.
**HUGS** It totally shows that you love your hubby, I’m sure he appreciates your compassion about how her actions impacted him. Maybe you two should decide a time to speak to her (a few days removed, so there’s more time to come up with a ‘plan of action’ as to who should bring it up and what to say) and try to clear the air on this one. That’s just crazy she would do that, and she does need to know how hurtful it was and and how it has affected your relationship with her. **Hugs again**
Post # 8
Honestly this sounds like my mother (God bless her) when she is having a bipolar episode. The blowing-up in public, the bitching about seating. My mother did that at a FUNERAL once and it wasn’t even one of her relatives who died. Ouch? Ouch.
Is Mother-In-Law on any medications or seeing a doctor?
Post # 9
Aghhhh, I’d let it go. It’s done with. Trust me, you won’t be this mad in two months. Steer clear for a while, if you can. And just take her in small doses. One day, hopefully, maybe, she might realize that her actions are not endearing her to you and her son’s new family. Hope you have better relations with other members of your DH’s family.
Post # 10
Wow, she sounds very, very insecure. I feel bad for your Mother-In-Law – imagine how stressful and unhappy it must be to go through life like that! Maybe if you pity her, it’ll be easier to forgive her…
sucks when parents can’t act the role of being the adult though. :/
Post # 11
@Magdalena: Your question made me laugh. She is not on medication, but she should be. She’s supposedly going through “the change”. If that’s the case then she’s been going through it for over 7 years now (since Darling Husband & I have been dating).
I feel a tad better today about the situation, but I still so badly want to say something. Brooklyn, I have a feeling you’re right. In 2 months this won’t seem like such a big deal. I hope everyone thinks she’s a total douche for this…that makes me feel better 🙂
Post # 12
Just let it go. Nothing you say will improve her behaviour. It will only server to instigate her. She has already made up her mind on how to (mis)treat you. The best you can do is ignore her presence and/or actions at all times. I.e. don’t give her the time of day. You will bite your tongue MANY COUNTLESS times for the next while, but know this that this is the lesser of the two evils: 1) talk to her vs. 2) ignore her and her b.s. You will be more sane, dignified and not wasting your precious time on people who have no real purpose in life other than to make everyone else around them miserable.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
All I can say is, I get it. My mil behaved herself at the wedding, but afterward, she has made so many negative and rude comments about the wedding. We mostly don’t see her now.
I don’t like killing with kindness because it doesn’t work with irrational people. Irrational people don’t recognize the kindness and go “oh, I should be nicer to this person.” So I ignore.
Post # 14
@ribbons:I wanted to chime in about this, but you did it for me. “Killing” irrational or self-absorbed people doesn’t work, in my opinion. Guilt is required for this to work, and there’ll be none when someone doesn’t think anything of the way they behave.
Like some “people” I know. 😛
Post # 15
I feel like I have to add my cents in. I would by far call her out on it, TOGETHER. Take it from someone who has a horrible Mother-In-Law and did the same things and worse at my own wedding, She too is very outspoken and rude and frankly trashy, but no one has ever called her out on her bad behavior, they allow it, until I came into the picture, she hates me for that reason only, because I don’t give her a free pass to be a jerk to me or anyone else, and nor does my Darling Husband now. I say you nip this in the butt before it gets out of control, someone like her will never stop, she needs boundries! What she did at your wedding is not apporiate and it she needs to made aware of her actions, she had no problems being rude at your wedding and not giving a crap that it was your special day, she is going to keep walking on you.
Post # 16
well I’m so sorry your mil is so childish and ignorant if i were you hell yes i would confront her but that’s because I’m very outspoken as well she would definitely have to hear what i felt and how i think she made an ass of herself and sure the two of you can talk to her together but after she heard an earful of what i have to say she sounds jealous and childish i don’t know why they make it so damn hard i have 3 boys and when its there turn to get married i will know my place as a mom and she doesn’t know hers just remember it’s not what you say but how you say it express your anger so you don’t have to keep your feelings inside it doesn’t have to sound angry and nasty make is sharp and firm like i said it’s not what u say but how u say it so sorry u went through this.