(Closed) I now understand what the other brides meant . . .

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

tell me about it.  this isn’t a baby issue, but my Fiance cousin (their families are very close) just got engaged over Christmas and set their wedding date FOR THE SAME DAY AS OUR WEDDING.  I think they might be changing it, but they won’t move it more than a week or two in either direction.  FI and I have been engaged and planning since March last year and all vendors are hired and everything is set.  It’s extremely frustrating.

Post # 4
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hey welcome to the club! lol

FI’s cousin is due with her first child on August 21st and our wedding is September 5th. I got the news a month ago and was pretty upset at first. I am still a bit upset, but realize now that we will just have to go on with our plans because we had this wedding date waaay before FI’s cousin got pregnant. She is also the irst grandchild and this will be the first great grandchild, so I have also felt that my wedding has gotten pushed to the side a bit. Very furstrating. I have no answers for you, but we are in the same boat!

Post # 5
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My sister called to tell me while I was dress shopping that she thought she was pregnant. I was like… jawdrop. So I totally relate. You are happy for them. You recognize that the baby is a joyous event and deserves just as much squee as your wedding. But, really, did it have to be RIGHT THEN?! I mean, accidents happen, but you say they were trying. I really don’t think waiting a month would have been out of the question. If she were already pregnant, I doubt you would have set your wedding date for the weekend before she was due or anything. People think that brides with this sort of thinking are selfish, but I don’t think people in general are as considerate as they could be, and recognizing that in these situations is often ignored.

 (My wedding date moved and my sister found out she wasn’t actually pregnant anyway, which just fueled my “why did you have to tell me at that exact minute” feeling but oh well.) With any luck in your situation, her newborn will do the other most common newborn thing — sleep! I have known more sleeping newborns than crying newborns.

Post # 6
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Yes, I have complained on several boards about our wedding becoming the fertility wedding. At least two of my BM’s will be pregnant (another is trying) and one will have a newborn. On Fi’s side, several GM’s wives will be pregnant as well. There are 10 n ieces and nephews all under the age of 8, we lost the battle long ago of excluding them from ANY of the events. I am so mad about it, all I wanted was ONE day for the spotlight to be on me, you better believe all the parents had thier days!

I think we should start a support group..

Post # 7
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My friend who is also getting married is going through this with her Future Sister-In-Law.  There are already so many complications in their family (it’s like a soap opera) with jealousies and $ issues between all the sibs that it’s pretty much a nightmare.  She’s dealing with it pretty graciously, but I really feel for her (and you!).  A couple might not want to (or be able to) hold off babyplanning to keep your day pristine, but hopefully she will be respectful and realize that a newborn/waterbreaking during I dos is a faux pas.  All you can do is plaster a smile on your face and say how it just doubles the joy.

Post # 8
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

If it makes you feel better (or worse) chances are she won’t be at your wedding. If she has the baby one day before the wedding she’ll still be in the hospital. Even if she’s early, week old babies aren’t allowed to have so much contact with other people right away. I guess you just need to hope she’s late and you can all enjoy the wedding before the baby comes.

Post # 9
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Goldilocks….if your Future Sister-In-Law is due the day before your wedding there is no way she will be attending..with or without baby. She (and possibly your brother) will be out of commission for at least a couple of weeks. Unless your Future Sister-In-Law is superwoman.

I understand that it can be frustrating when you want a particular event to be special and the center of attention…especially your wedding. Take heart in the fact that your wedding will still be child-free and that there are other bees that feel your pain.

Post # 10
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

Well, actually newborns are pretty quiet, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that.  It’s when they hit 2+ months that the crying really starts.

I’m also kind of surprised you are being so harsh about this.  How do you know that they hadn’t been trying for a while or battling with IF issues?

I understand this is YOUR day, but try to be happy for them, having a baby is a pretty exciting thing too.

Post # 11
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

oh, i understand. i’m not a person who likes attention on me, but i do want my inlaws, my fi’s best man, and my flower girl to be at my wedding. my fbil mentioned that they were going to start ttc  exactly 9 months from our wedding, and i had a freak out. of course i would be happy for them to get pregnant and have another baby, but i just wanted them to wait 1 month! they decided it wasn’t the time for them anyway, freakout avoided.

Post # 12
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Yeah, my moms due pretty much in February & my weddings in March. I’m just hoping she doesn’t bring the baby to the wedding!!!

Post # 13
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

If she has the baby even a few weeks before your wedding  there is no way she will be able to go. She is going to have to feed the baby every two hours-which sometimes can take an hour so by the time she’s done she is going to have to start preparing to feed again. I would never go to a wedding with an infant and would never leave a baby that young with a babysitter. You are constantly feeding-I stayed with my sister when she had her first son, and I was shell shocked. She literally didn’t do anything except feed the baby and try to get a nap in because she was up every two hours feeding the night before..if you pump  then hubby can help, but really it is all so exhausting a wedding would be the last thing on my mind. 

Post # 14
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I can understand the frustration – however, you never know their situation. Maybe they weren’t even trying. Or maybe they’ve been trying for a long, long time… Either way, they didn’t do it on purpose to rain on your parade. 

My brother-in-law is getting married in August. We just found out my sister in law (his sister) is pregnant and due the first week of September. She’s been trying since September and it’s her second. They didn’t mean for it to happen – in fact, she’s bummed that the dates are so close and that she’ll still be able to make it to the wedding. 

Post # 16
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Goldilocks1107  Gosh I thought i as being unreasonable when I heard that my fi’s counsin (also a groomsman) will be brining their new born baby to the wedding!  I mean, c’mon! the last thing brides would want to worry about is crying babies at the ceremony.   One suggestion is to maybe have to officiant (or your Maid/Matron of Honor or the best man) tell the parents who bring their babies to “feel free” to leave if and when the baby starts crying. Hopefully they’ll get the msg!  good luck!

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