Post # 1
As I’ve mentioned before FH has not been involved in the wedding planning by his choice. He has done small tasks that I’ve needed help with but then will always go on and on about how he’s done a lot or “just did something” or how he thinks its stupid he has to help. The man cares about the marriage but not about the wedding.
Recently the issue has been invites. We split our list 50/50. I had my invites addressed, assembled, and delivered weeks ago. He was taking his sweet little time getting addresses and a final list from his mom. So Monday night I try to help him with the invitations and we keep getting into these stupid little fights. I’m mad because I didn’t want to do the invitations. He’s mad that he has to “assemble” them (ie. put paper in envelope, tie ribbon, stick on stamp, etc). He was being very slow about it which was frustrating because I know he was just hoping I’d do it all. I already finished my set, if he wanted to invite people he should be responsible for getting them done, not making me do everything while he watches basketball. So we finally get done and everything is ready to be mailed. I asked him to take them to the post office and told him he needed to have them hand cancelled. I had gone myself for my invites without any problems but because of work I would not be able to get there.
So he tried to go yesterday and they told him they don’t hand cancel so he left. Ok…I told him to go where I went today and he does. Well I just got off the phone with him and he was pissed! I assumed he had a bad post office experience but NO he was mad at me! He said the post office made him hand cancel everyone himself and he was mad that I MADE him do it. He was basically implying that I should have taken them myself.
I realize this is a stupid fight but come on dude! I havent asked him to do anything. He didn’t have to go into work until 11 today, was it really that difficult to take 10 min. and hand cancel himself? Maybe if he hadn’t invited his entire town he wouldn’t have had so many to do!
Am I wrong to be so angry about this? I’ve planned this entire wedding and I don’t think he realizes how much time that takes. I hate that I’m starting to get so pissy about this. It’s really the only issue we argue about but I don’t know how not to be mad about it.
Post # 3
Ugh. How frustrating and unfair.
It’s one thing to be up front about not wanting to be involved in a lot of the planning, but to go on and on about how difficult it is to accomplish a simple task when someone else has generously taken on most of the work is just obnoxious.
Post # 4
That is frustrating and annoying! I feel that way some time when I ask Fiance to do something, he doens’t complain, but it takes him forever to get it done and it just annoys me.
Question: What is hand cancel?
Post # 5
You are completely right to be upset with him. I was running myself into the ground working on everything. Then I just broke and made a list split it in half and gave him his part. Amazingly enough he actually has been doing it and complains just as much as me LOL.
Post # 6
@MrsPinkPeony: I would not be a happy camper either (if I were you). Please do not take offense when I say this but I think he is being completely unreasonable. Where does he come off thinking he doesn’t have to do any of the work? I understand not wanting to sit through hours of “canary yellow or burnt yellow”, but seriously? Taking envelopes to the post office too hard? To be fair, I don’t know what hand cancelling means, but if it truly only took 10 minutes then he needs to get over it. This isn’t a “it’s all about June” party…it is a celebration of a marriage and a new life. Bad idea to start that new life by being uncooperative.
Post # 7
This is who he is. He didn’t want to do this and he acted like a child about it.
He is likely to behave this way in future when he doesn’t want to do something. It might be easier to negotiate that you will do tasks he doesn’t want to do IF he does some other task for you, instaed of you having to come to the rescue at the last minute.
Post # 8
When I went to the post office to buy stamps the lady told me they would need to be hand cancelled which means it wouldn’t go through the machine. You basically just stamp over the stamp with a postal thingy and then it gets mailed without ripping the envelopes.
@julies1949: We are usually really good about this. He takes out the trash, I clean the kitty litter. He does the dishes (yuck) and I clean the bathroom.
I think he honestly believes he should not have to do anything for the wedding and his only responsibility is showing up. I feel like if I had simply asked him to take a box to the post office and he had a bad experience he’d be fine. The only reason I think he’s mad is that it was a somewhat wedding related task.
Post # 9
Sounds like the old, “Take out the garbage,” ‘I don’t want to,” fight. Couples need to sit down and make a list of things to do both with the wedding and your marriage. Someone needs to cook. If you both don’t want to, then you need to budget ‘take-out’ amd figure how it will work. He probably doesn’t have good executive function skills. What does he do for a living? Is he into details? It’s kind of late in the ball game; but, there’s still things to do like seating charts.., making arrangements for the honeymoon. Sit down and ask him what he feels like doing; and, wants to do. My guess is he’s all up to check out the trip but won’t want to fiddle w/seating cards. A good rule is to find out what he wants to do, abd assume he’s good at it.
He may not want to change a diaper, but he may love to put rainboots on a 2 year old and have him/her splash through the water in the rain!
Find out his strengths and go from there.
Post # 10
@Momma: Like I said before, we do that in every day life. Its just wedding related stuff that he can’t seem to handle. I know he wants to get married but its like he just magically wants it to happen. I don’t mind doing just about everything for the wedding but the fact that he couldn’t just go to the post office without complaint is ridiculous.
I’ve calmed down since we got off the phone but I know I’ll have a hard time not bringing it up tonight. I think its boiling down to just wishing he understood how much I was doing and that its not just for me but for US and our families.
Post # 11
Um, waaaahhhhh! Your Fiance needs to grow up, and you need to inform him of this. How old is he? It sounds like the behavior of a 20 year old. Just stupidly immature. I, also, have been responsible for majority of the wedding planning due to Fi working offshore and being gone for 28 days. And he tells me constantly how grateful he is for everything I’ve done. And he told me that, even though we really weren’t planning to do wedding gifts, he has something special he wants to give me, because he is so respectful of how wrapped up in our wedding plans I’ve had to be lately. That is a real man. IMO. Granted, we’re both about to be 31, and when I was engaged at 21 to another person that I fortunately did not marry, he sounded like your Fiance. Again, waaaahhhh.
So, no idea how old your Fiance is, but quite frankly, if he’s old enough to pop the question, then he should be old enough to GROW A PAIR.