Post # 1
Hi Bee’s –
I am venting here because I don’t have any friends who are getting married and they don’t really understand the dynamic between a bride and a Future Mother-In-Law. I really do love my Future Mother-In-Law, she is a wonderful person and I am blessed to have her in my life. However, I can feel myself getting more and more annoyed with her.
There are several reasons I feel this way. For one, she insisted my Fiance and I not get married this summer because my Future Sister-In-Law is graduating HS this year. I got over it and we set the date for May 2014. Now it’s like we can’t talk about the wedding too much, because this is Future Sister-In-Law time to shine. Sometimes I want to scream “Hey we are getting MARRIED, she is only graduating HS!”.
Our engagment party is in a week and a half, and Future Mother-In-Law keeps downplaying it like it’s not a big deal at all. She says “I am really excited for you guys, but right now I have to focus on things like Future Sister-In-Law prom and graduation”… it seems like I had to twist her arm to invite their family friends.
Another thing is that I am going to law school in August and Fiance is 100% in support of me and my dreams, as I am his. Well we may end up moving 2 hours away for the school I am leaning towards, and my Future Mother-In-Law suggest to Fiance that he keep his job and we live apart! I couldn’t believe she would suggest that we not live together for 3 years???
Lastly, it also really annoys me when she asks if some of her girlsfriend’s daughters can be hostess at the wedding. I explained to her that I don’t feel comfortable allowing people who I barely know play a role in our wedding.
I already know what is going to happen next…I want to go wedding dress shopping sometime in May and I KNOW Future Mother-In-Law is going to say “can’t you wait until after Future Sister-In-Law gradutes”…I think I may reach a boiling point by then.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Post # 3
I’m actually shocked and amazed that you were willing to put off your wedding over a HS graduation! If my Mother-In-Law had asked for us to do that I would have lost it.
I think if she wants to make things wait, you should tell her that while you’re excited for FSIL’s graduation, a wedding is more important and is still your priority. (Better if your Fiance can/will tell her). She won’t like it, but it’s the honest-to-goodness truth. Plus, who needs a whole summer in the spotlight for graduationg HS???? Gradusting high school isn’t even a big accomplishment. It’s practically a given.
Post # 4
I’ve got to be honest – I kind of understand where she’s coming from. This is an exciting time for your Future Sister-In-Law, maybe the most important thing she’s done in her life so far. If I were her, I’d be pretty upset about being told that it isn’t important because my brother is getting married. Perhaps asking you to put off the wedding was a financial request – like they can afford to do one big thing at a time. It was very nice of you guys to honor that request. Perhaps wait until AFTER the actual graduation to go dress shopping/dive into wedding planning? I would think Future Mother-In-Law would be more receptive to it after Future Sister-In-Law has had her day/month to shine.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
She does seem to be being kinda lame :/ I think you just need to get on with preparing for your wedding and if she can’t work around that then her loss?
Hope she gets a little easier on you XD And at least it’s better to vent on the bee than end up having a massive go at her! Good luck with everything :3
Post # 6
I can understand Future Mother-In-Law being excited for her daughter’s HS graduation. And it was very nice of you to put off your wedding due to her concerns. But you should be able to start planning your wedding whenever you want to. You don’t need to wait until she graduates to go dress shopping. If Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t want to be involved right now, so be it. It’s your wedding, and you can choose to plan now or choose to wait. You have accommodated her already by changing the date. You are allowed to be excited and start planning!!!!
Post # 7
@KatieColorado: Thanks. I am really trying to understand things from their point of view. I would put off wedding dres shopping, however i’m starting law school in August, so I am trying to a do as many wedding things before that as possible. I don’t want to choose flowers, cakes, programs, etc. without knowing what my dress looks like.
Post # 8
@yippee62913: ITA! Frankly I’d go shopping without her. I get it her daughters milestone stones are a big deal, but asking to postphone your wedding for a graduation… Ridiculous. But its already been done. I would move forward with all your planning.
Post # 9
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Fortunately for me, FH is the baby of his family…the last one living at home still…so his mom is totally game to help with wedding stuff. And very supportive.
BUT his older sister is having a baby. She’s due TEN DAYS before the wedding. So Future Mother-In-Law is splitting excitement between baby and wedding. :/ I am thrilled for our new family dynamics but it is still kind of sad that she can’t come to some of the showers, etc. because of baby related things. I guess they are both big deals.
I’m trying not to be selfish but…it’s kind of hard! I can only imagine having the same feeling about a HIGH SCHOOL graduation! Ha!
Post # 10
Why is it only one thing can be celebrated at a time? That seems silly to me. Future Sister-In-Law will have her “time to shine” and people will be happy and excited to congratulate her on her accomplishment. But, that doesn’t mean other life events don’t go on and can’t be planned or celebrated to follow. What would happen if you guys get pregnant (pending you want kids) the year Future Sister-In-Law gets engaged? Can you not talk about the pregnancy?
I can definitely see your frustration and would definitely be venting too. Hang in there. If she doesn’t make the dress shopping, then maybe it’s just for the best. Don’t put all your plans on hold b/c she is having difficulty accepting multiple exciting things going on.
Post # 11
I can see that you love her trying to please her in every way shape and form, but are you sure that she loves you? Seems like she’s pretending that you’re not part of the fam and that trying to postpone it from hapening. This year it’s a graduation, next year it could be a retirement, the year after tha a death in the family, oh other events can happen and undoubtedly will, it’s life and events happen and more than one event happen in the same year…
Post # 12
Is the graduating daughter the youngest? If so I imagine that this is the beginnings of your Future Mother-In-Law empty-nesting.
Next time she makes a comment about that I would tell her that there’s plenty of love to go around! It sounds like she’s letting her anxiety get the best of her.
Post # 13
It was very good of you to change your wedding date, especially since FSIL’s “time to shine” would pretty much be over by mid-June. You have been more than accommodating to your Future Mother-In-Law. I certainly would not be changing any other wedding plans, I would NOT invite her (or even let her know) about shopping for a dress and above all else – I would NEVER change career or educational plans!
Post # 14
You’ve got to do what makes sense. You aren’t stealing FSIL’s thunder by inviting Future Mother-In-Law to things like dress shopping. If she can’t make it because she wants to sit around thinking about her daughter’s prom and graduation instead of being involved in your planning, that’s HER choice. Honestly, I find it REALLY hard to believe that the events associated with senior year are truly consuming all her time and energy. And don’t forget, it’s YOUR choice to include her in planning in the first place! She’s lucky that you are able and willing to include her. I adore my Future Mother-In-Law, but she lives over 2000 miles away. I would have loved to include her in fun planning trips, but it was not possible. It sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law lacks perspective on both the graduation and her role in your planning. You need to think about what’s most reasonable for you, extend invitations as you see fit, and shrug off any complaints.
Post # 15
@batwoman: My Future Sister-In-Law is the baby of the family, and I can totally see how she is have serios anxiety about having an empty nest for the first time is 25 years.
@MadTownGirl: I really don’t understand WHY only one thing can be celebrated at a time, it’s so ridiculous. But that’s how it’s always been in their family. When my Fiance was graduating it was “all about him” now she feels like it’s unfair for Future Sister-In-Law to have to share her time. My sister just had a baby and she is more excited about us getting married then my Future Sister-In-Law is. I feel like when my Future Mother-In-Law will ask us to not get pregnant the same year my Future Sister-In-Law gradutes college, and on and on and on.
I have defintely moved on with wedding planning without her, which i’m fine with. But what I’m not okay with is being told “can’t you wait to put your anncoucement in the paper?” “can’t you wait to start your wedding website? “can’t you wait to send out your save the dates?” Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t see why we need to do anything right now since the wedding isn’t until May. I KEEP explaining to her that I will have zero time for this stuff once I go back to school but she doesn’t seem to get it!!
Thanks for understanding bee’s, this makes me feel like it’s not just me.