(Closed) I put the engagement on the back burner, am I the terrible one?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

No, it’s not just you.  It sounds like he wants you to stay because the relationship is safe.  Did you ever move out or take a break?  I think you should.  And I’d stop wearing your ring around friends and family.  You shouldn’t have to put up a facade around them.  If they mention it, just say that you and your Fiance are working some things out before you take the next big step (which will either be him realizing that it’s time to get serious about getting married or you realizing that he’s not going to change and you are either a) going to accept that or b) going to find someone that actually wants to be with you). 

Post # 33
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am so sorry that you are going through this ((hugs))

Post # 35
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

Was just wondering how things are going?

Post # 36
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think you can say things all you want to, and try to talk to him all you want to, but you need to actually follow through with your words.  You have said many times that you deserve a “new proposal” and you need to let him know that you aren’t going to settle for less than you deserve.  And right now darlin, it certainly sounds like you are settling.  If the man won’t set a date with you and won’t even refer to you as his fiancee, there are some big issues going on.  Even moving into the guest room probably won’t make a difference, you need to put some serious SPACE between the two of you to see if he cares enough to bridge the gap. 

I realize all of this happened a month ago or more, but I wanted to throw in my two cents in case the OP is still following the thread.  And like Cinnamon Roll, I would like to hear an update on the situation…hoping for the best!

Post # 38
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

my friend is in the same boat here in NM they have been togther 6 years and engaged 4 years this past year they have basically become just roomamtes. she stays with him because thats all she knows, she loves him but there is no effort anymore. she tried settign 4 different wedding dates and nothing has happened even if you dont want the hoopla of a wedding there is the court wedding. quick easy and painless and your just as married!!! honestly this should be the most exciting thing for each of you as a couple granted sometimes my fiance gets annoyed but he has helped pick the venue set the date pick our colors, do the food and cake tastings!!!  is this what your going to be truly happy with the next 60 years of your life?? can you see your self being wrinkled and old still in love with the same man??

Post # 40
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Would he be willing to go to couples counselling with you? Maybe that could help you two to work out the miscommunications and to get onto the same page in terms of your future timeline.

Post # 41
Member
43 posts
Newbee

@soontobemrsmix:

I’ve just read the whole thread here. I sympathise with your situation but I must say it would not be me putting up with this man.

Your independent streak has certainly gotten his attention so well done. You could keep it up and up the ante further and that might shake him up further to the point where he even makes a move re wedding.

However, I fear you might always have to do this in your life with this man i.e. constantly shake him up to get results. Is that what you want?  Guys need encouragement and not so subtle hints from time to time otherwise half the female engaged or married population would still be a-courtin! But this is alot of effort.

Counselling or a kick up the bum is what this chap needs.

I wish you the best, you are getting stronger every day and he’s lucky to have you.

Post # 42
Member
43 posts
Newbee

@soontobemrsmix:

I’ve just read the whole thread here. I sympathise with your situation but I must say it would not be me putting up with this man.

Your independent streak has certainly gotten his attention so well done. You could keep it up and up the ante further and that might shake him up further to the point where he even makes a move re wedding.

However, I fear you might always have to do this in your life with this man i.e. constantly shake him up to get results. Is that what you want?  Guys need encouragement and not so subtle hints from time to time otherwise half the female engaged or married population would still be a-courtin! But this is alot of effort.

Counselling or a kick up the bum is what this chap needs.

I wish you the best, you are getting stronger every day and he’s lucky to have you. For now.

Post # 44
Member
4544 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m so sorry the situation doesn’t seem to have changed at all for you 🙁 You sound so unhappy….my thoughts are with you!

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