(Closed) I read his divorce decree…have you done the same?

posted 9 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yes! My husband was there with me every step of the way, so there were no surprises. I got married when I was 18, and we moved away from each other a few into the marriage, and then life happened and neither of us filed for divorce, so ffwd to 12years later, he was totally there to hear it all.

If there’s money involved, I think there has to be a clear understanding!

Post # 4
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

wow – what a B****, thats just awful!

Post # 5
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yes we both know.  And he’s seen my divorce decree too, with what my xh was SUPPOSED to pay for.  My xh had an instand add water wife (who was the other woman) and it’s been pulling teeth to get him to do the right thing for about five years now.

I understand it’s hard to see that, but it was THEIR choices made previously.  If there are children, I understand it is important they be provided for well.  I feel that way too about my guy’s kids with his xw (who is awful and a meanie btw).  I hate she gets a damn thing from him, but the kids I’m great with..they deserve the best always.

I think it’s good to read the decree.  More importantly if you want info, see their ORIGINAL filing papers and see what happened at that time.  I know 100 percent what happened with them (let’s just say she wasn’t very nice and did some wierd stuff and has issues) and he knows what happened with me too.

Post # 7
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

The retirement thing sucks, I would be pissed to if she was going to take some of "our" retirement money.  Couldn’t he have withdrawn the money back then and paid it to her?  Can you do it now?  That’s what my FH did, now we owe her nothing else.  I know that sucks because of the early distribution and everything, but atleast then you have time to build it back up.

I read my FH’s decree pretty early on – I was sneaky and went looking for it – mostly because I wanted to know from the start that he was in fact divorced (I had dated a guy previous that said it was final and found out later he was still living with her!). I don’t know if he has read mine, but he’s welcome to if he wants, mine was a lot different I got EVERYTHING and my ex got nothing (not that we had much – the kids were the most important thing).

Post # 8
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

Chantellamus: no I don’t think she’s a b****. I think it all comes down to what people agree on and good or bad lawyering.  If she asked for those things and he gave in, or his lawyer didn’t do his job then how can you blame the XW?

Also, about the retirement thing, I don’t know about the laws of your state but in CA the spouse is attomatically entitled to their 50% of the retirement benefits earned while married.  nothing shocking there.  totally expected.  After all, she did put in her time.  I know it sucks for the new wife but I think you have to put yourself in other people’s shoes.

Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow. I’m so sorry. That seems so wrong to me. Just because you get a divorce doesnt’ mean you’re entitled to his RETIREMENT! I mean, wow. Especially since he isn’t under the impression that’s what is actually going on and/or what he intended to agree to.

I’d be a little upset, too, despite the fact it was all in the past. I’d be like, ‘hey, if WE spend 50 years together, how does that affect OUR retirement" eek. 

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

If she put in 30 years or something, sure…but seeing as how you’re 31….i dunno, the ex couldn’t possibly have put in THAT much time. Maybe it’s that way in some state tho. 

It doesn’t quite sit right with me. It sounds like your Fiance is more confused than anything since he isn’t under the impression he signed that over, right? 

Post # 11
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee

Okay, let me first put the disclaimer out there that I am only licensed to practice law in Florida and this should NOT be construed as legal advice in any way shape or form.

At least in Florida, the ex is entitled to half of the money accrued in his retirement account during the time they were married. It is just like any other asset that is to be divided upon divorce. Obviously people can agree around that, but that is the entitlement.

Hope that helps. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh, yeah, well, that makes sense. I thought it was the WHOLE retirement, as in she accrues money AFTER he’s already married to someone else.

Ok i’ll leave this post. I don’t know jack what I’m talking about, I just sympathize with you! Glad you’re seeing lawyers, that’ll help cement your thoughts about your own future and be assured that you, too, are taken care of. 

Post # 14
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Ick! Fiance could read mine (he was with me as I went through it) but isn’t interested. I walked away with nothing; it was worth it, to just walk away.

Post # 15
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

I’m a "newbie" but FH is an encore groom. I haven’t seen the decree, but I’ve seen a picture of her and some stuff relating to their life together. They had no children together & apparently no assets, so I don’t have that to deal with, but I was surprised at how sad it makes me to think of FH in so much pain from their divorce.

Post # 16
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yes, you need to talk to a lawyer.  However, under most divorce decrees, she would get only a percentage of that portion of his retirement earned while he was with her.  For example, if he was married to her for 15 years, she might have the right to half of the pension he earned in those 15 years.  However, if he stayed with the same company and ended up retiring after 50 years, she would not be entitled to any of the retirement built up after the divorce.  If most of your FI’s retirement was earned after the divorce, she would not normally share in it.  However, a lot depends on the specific language of the separation agreement/divorce decree, so it is important that both of you understand it.

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