Post # 1
I really do love my SO, he’s funny and caring and I truly do adore him. It’s just that sometimes when we’re around other people I feel like he is always “on” for them, performing in some way.
For example: we spent the afternoon together because he finished work early, so we went and grabbed something to eat, then headed back home and played with the dogs and relaxed. But as soon as his step brother got home, a simple thing like me saying “hey Hun, while you’re up, can you please grab me a drink” turns into a comedy skit of SO grabbing his crouch (down pants, I’m hoping on top of undies…) and saying “what are you talking about? I’m not ‘up’ “. *cue step brother laughing like an idiot and me with an unimpressed face and replying* “just get me a drink..” I know if it were just the two of us home he wouldn’t have put on the show and dance.. And then the comments along those lines (being our sex life) continued until I had enough and came home. This usually happens when we’re around his mates too, which I usually just grin and bear it, but is this what I’m moving into in a few weeks, constant jokes like these?!
I love him, I honestly do, but UGH!! Do I just keep walking out of the room when it turns into this? Or what?
Any words of wisdom?
Post # 3
@krayzay87: Ahhhhhhh, shame! I really feel for you. I have dated men like this in my past. It’s that culture of machoism that we can’t shake. and I think it’s the same in Australia as in SA.
Seriously, I would sit him down and have a long and very serious discussion about this. Tell him it irks you and if he wants to get personal with his mates he should go play a game of rugby – there is plenty of footsie and crotch grabbing in a scrum. You can’t just keep walking away because it will eventually make you seem like a brat and trivialise the enormous disrespect he is showing you.
Post # 4
My FI was exactly like this when we first started dating. I just couldn’t understand why he turned into a completely different guy when he was around his friends. One time I just called him out on it in front of his friends and asked him why he moved heaven and earth for me when we were alone (and gave an example of something really mushy he did that morning) but was such a pig to me in front of his friends. His mates automatically started cracking up and giving it to him about being whipped and he was so embarrassed but then he actually asked ME later on why I had to embarass him like that. We ended up having a pretty good talk about the situation and while he still carries on like a child with his friends, at least he has stopped disrespecting me.
Post # 5
My husband is like this a little, he was moreso in the beginning of the relationship. But I can have a smart mouth too so I’d have something to counter his jokes. We joke a lot though. But if he would have grabbed himself down there and say “I’m not up” I’d have said something along the lines of “Yeah, honey I know you have a problem with that, but I’m not talking about your sex organs, I’m talking about a drink in the kitchen”. I would laugh of course so everyone knew I was joking but yeah, I grew up with two older brothers, I know how to hit where it counts.
Post # 6
I think I’ll have to talk to him about it. He could see I was annoyed when I left yesterday but left it alone.
@kris325: I grew up in a house full of boys too, I have two older brothers and my dad had full custody since since I was 10, but I don’t want to call him out in front of his mates or brother. If its just the two of us then I don’t have the problem of mucking around and being a smart mouth back but I guess I’d see it as disrespecting him to call him out in front of his mates.
The jokes aren’t always about our sex life, but have a sexual undertone…
Post # 7
@krayzay87: In the grand scheme of things is this REALLY a big deal? I’m just wondering because if it’s just his sense of humor, it might be really hard (if not impossible) to change him, and it would be wasted effort on your part, and cause resentment on both sides as well.
He sounds like he’s just a young guy being silly/having fun or am I missing something here? I get why it would be a bit annoying.. but I guess in the grand scheme of life and adult problems, I am not sure this is one you should make a big deal of. Choose your battles basically.
If I were you I would just avoid hanging out with him when he’s with his buddies. Go into another room or plan something with your girlfriends. I know you can’t do this all the time, but even sometimes would help. Then it would be less annoying if it’s not a constant thing.
Post # 8
@canarydiamond: you’re right in a sense. Me hanging around my friends isn’t really an option as my closest female friend lives an hour away. I sat him down and asked him to tone it down a bit considering we’re going to be living with his step brother, this isn’t something I want to come those to when all I want to do is relax. He understood where I was coming from.