(Closed) I really don't feel like 'a bride'

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

None of the things you mentioned make you a bride.

You are a bride when you stand before your groom at the altar and exchange vows. You are not a bride before that point.

Right now you are a fiancee.

You do not have to do any of the things you wrote above in order to be a bride or have a successful wedding. Just like all the Whos down in Whoville, your wedding will come even without dresses, ribbons, and teary messes. You don’t need flowers or fancy shoes, all you need are the “I do’s.”

And if your love your bloke with all your heart, then I guess my girl, you’re off to a good start. 

 

I’d tell everyone to leave me alone or I’m eloping! They can’t tell you how to feel or how to be. Just because you don’t feel like the others feel doesn’t mean you are bad or wrong or need to get your shit together. It’s what you make of it. You should go take a look at the offbeatbride and see how others who are not into the “traditions” do it.

For what it’s worth, I don’t give a damn about ribbons either, and people think I’m crazy because I don’t care about the gifts! Really don’t want gifts. Won’t turn down money, but what breathing person would? LOL

Post # 4
Member
934 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@onehouse:  You are TOTALLY not alone. Not every woman is into wedding stuff. You don’t have to be to get married though, that is the beauty of it. It is totally okay that you are not into it.

If it helps, try thinking of the reception as a big party. You don’t have to do anything traditonal if you don’t feel like it. Or ask someone else who would love to plan a wedding for help. 

Post # 8
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oh, you’re 10 feet tall big enough to do this!

And you have until 2014, so first thing I’d do is STOP the wedding talk. It’s time to go vague. Tell people, “Uhm, not sure yet…oh, I haven’t decided….” and take your time with things.

Remember most of all, you ARE the bride to be and you throw the event that YOU want to throw, even if it’s a backyard BBQ wedding! 

What I did was I looked at a lot of wedding videos on youtube. People who posted their weddings, and I looked at a lot of wedding recaps just to get the idea of what it would be like for me. It’s different to attend a wedding and then watch one with yourself in mind as a bride. 

Remember that you are in control and no one else. Bounce your ideas off people here, to receive objectivity. But I mean, a cruise elopement or something small and intimate like that might be best for you, if you have stage fright or people’s opinions are getting to you. It’s you and your bloke’s biggest commitment day–besides becoming a parent, so it must reflect the two of you–NOT Bride’s magazine!

Post # 10
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oh, and let me advise you to be VERY careful not to get talked into anything. Because you might regret it later. My sister and SIL almost talked me into a venue and would have had me writing a darn check out when we first went to see it. It got so bad, I had to say, “I cannot write a check. I won’t have the deposit money till january!” Just so I could get out of there. Then when I told them that they pressured me worse than the owner of the place, they were all “No we didn’t. Whatever do you mean?” They did the same thing to me about the wedding dress, and I wrote that check! But I did want a dress very similiar to the one I got, so I’m living with that one.

But don’t make ANY decisions if you feel you are being pressured or boxed into a yes or no situation. It doesnt feel like it, but you can always say no at any point BEFORE checks are cashed. .

Post # 11
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Unfortunately, I never saw Monty python. I know, no one can believe it!

How big do you think the event will be? That’s where I’d start. I told myself I only wanted 50. Then I started adding up people and with out of towners I might be inviting 80. Then I tried to figure out how not to invite out of towners! LOL

But once you know the size of your wedding, then you’ll know better what you can do. For example, but 50 guests meant I was looking for a smaller venue and I bypassed ones that accomodated 400. 

What type of dresses do you like? lace, mermaid, blingy? Or is all that too girly for you? LOL

Post # 12
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@onehouse:  lol this made me laugh out loud. you are exactly like my SIL!

Don’t worry, you are not alone…
This is the PERFECT opportunity to make your wedding YOURS!

You don’t have to have or DO anything anyone else wants or tells you to do because this is YOUR wedding and they will have or already had theirs… so why don’t you try to focus on what you DO want… you DO want to marry your Fiance… so do it!

Have you thought about eloping? 
Or having a small destination wedding? 

It seems like those are PERFECT options for you to comfortably avoid a lot of aforementioned “token wedding” things that you seriously dislike.

Where’s your favorite place in the world?
Or what is something you and your Fiance LOVE doing or have your most fun?

Post # 16
Member
934 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@onehouse:  Oh I know…I just meant that you don’t have to have the “typical wedding” you know? Like KimmySumShuga says, you can do whatever you want!

It sounds like you have a good start to planning! I sympathize though, people always have lots of ideas. They are probably just excited for you and want to chat about the wedding. Sometimes the best way around that is to respond neutrally, like ‘that is a good idea, I’ll keep it in mind’. 

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