(Closed) I really don’t have a family…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

Oh honey..that is so hard. I think however you are getting ready to start a new family and you do not have to repeat the mistakes of the past. Embrace your new family and look forward..not back.  Sending you hugs.

Post # 4
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery

I’m so sorry niknu. I wish I could offer some sort of advise 🙁 Just think with Fiance you will start your own family. How is FI’ family?

Post # 5
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Oh honey I soooooo know how you are feeling and it sucks, but it really does come down to that they make their choices and unfortunetly we can’t change them or make them care. 

My parents are both alcholics and all they care about is drinking and vacations.  They aren’t even comeing to my wedding because they "can’t afford it" yet they went to mexico in april and are going again in august.  Just a little note on my family.  Not one person in my family will be coming for my wedding.  We had originally planned to have it in oregon where my friends and family are but since we had to cancel the wedding since I found out I had cancer and we just can’t afford the big to do.  The comments I kept getting were I just don’t understand why it can’t be here and then other one that hurt the most was so is it actually going to happen this time??  Wow that one hurts, not like I didn’t have enough on my plate with dealing with cancer news.

Then his family is a whole story itself but no any good either.  Liars and full of greed.  We don’t talk to them

But if you are anyting like me and love people and want to do the right thing and it bothers you when people feel bad towards you, it allways hurts.

Just know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and that there is someone else going through similar things

Post # 7
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery

I hope this doesn’t come across as insensitive, because I’m not in your situation, but it sounds like his family is really great and since this is a wonderful time of your life and you are becoming part of their family I would try to focus on that 🙂 Give your brother time, you said he is going through stuff. Give him time to contact you. Some people don’t know how to act in some situations.
The night Mr Frenchie and I got engaged we went to my house to tell my family and they didn’t even come downstairs to say congrats or anything. They all stayed up stairs but my dad at least came to the banester. The really had no idea how to handle their daughter getting engaged it was depressing. I had to go upstairs and tell my mom to come down and congratulate Mr Frenchie, she got it then that she acted inapproperiately.

Post # 8
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Catholic ceremony, reception at local armory

I am so sorry nik nu.  I agree with Frenchie, I would try to focus on the fact that you are becoming a part of a wonderful family.  Also, your experiences with your family will help you to develop and appreciate the family you’ll have with your FI!

Post # 9
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I am glad to hear his family is great to you,  That is awesome and you don’t have to be born into a family to be a part of it:)  Plus don’t think his mom is loosing a son, she is gaining a daughter:)  Keep your chin up and focus on what is good:)

Post # 10
Member
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Well, without saying too much, I know a little bit about family issues…

I think it is important for people without stable families to create their own family.  What I mean is channel that family energy into developing a group of friends that is as good as family.  Surround yourself with people who genuinely unconditionally love you and love them back.

Hopefully, you have a non-biological support system to fall back on.  It sounds like FI’s family might be part of that for you.  Do everything you can to foster that relationship, and don’t assume that they’ll do what your family did to you.  It’s really easy to believe that the other shoe is going to fall, but it doesn’t have to.  Not everyone abandons their kids…

Also, if you haven’t spent some time with a counselor exploring the family issues you’ve had to deal with, it might be time.  Getting married brings up a lot of this stuff from where it’s been buried deep.

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