(Closed) I REALLY don't like the best man.

posted 6 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

He was chosen as the best man, because despite his faults, he is your FI’s best friend. And as best man he is in charge of the bachelor party (within the realm of what the groom is ok with doing), and even if he does take forever to plan it that happens. 

However if your Fiance from the beginning said he didn’t want to take one day off from wedding stuff in the last couple of weeks from the wedding that’s fine, the best man should have planned better. However as the best man, he should be considered when planning the bachelor party date. Cutting him out of it completely except for a lunch or dinner a few days before the wedding is a bit unfair.

Usually the bachelor party is in the week or two before the wedding anyway, BUT if your Fiance does not want it that close to the wedding, that’s fine. It is good that he is on your side, and that you are telling the best man what you two have decided. However he should be the one to be standing up to the best man, not you. If you don’t want the best man to go off at you about it, don’t be the one to tell him about it. I am sure he is not too happy about being excluded from his best friend’s bachelor party plans, as he has every right to be.

Post # 5
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@mayflowerbride13:  Well hopefully it gets straightened out soon.

Post # 7
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Would it be that big of a deal if Your Fiance took a few days off of wedding planning two weeks before your wedding? I just don’t think the Bridesmaid or Best Man (as much as you don’t like him) should be excluded. This is something they will remember forever.

Post # 9
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

In My Humble Opinion I feel like maybe you need to take a step back and tt your Fiance about WHAT HE WANTS. How does he feel about having his party a little closer to the wedding than you two previously agreed? I get that you guys made a mutual agreement a bit back that you would be “grounded” for the last 3 weeks prior to the wedding, its a busy time and all, but I do think its a bit weird that you are holding him to that even though things have changed a bit. Unless the party is falling on a day where there is some vendor apt or meet with the cordinator or Officiant where he ABSOLUTLY HAS TO BE THERE then I don’t see why he shouldn’t be able to have his party then.

 

It’s not really your call who is involved in the B.party and really, it comes across as a bit controlling and overbearing the way you stepped in –  personally would never ever even dream od imposing on my FI’s friends the way that you are. He would be humiliated and they would all be like “WTF!? with did Starling13 turn into your Nanny?!” 

 

I know things are a bit heated right now, but maybe you should consider calling the Bridesmaid or Best Man and appoligizing and handing the reigns over to your Fiance. You need to trust your Fiance that he is not going to allow his Bridesmaid or Best Man / Boyfriend or Best Friend to plan something that compromises the wedding, even if it compromises your intiial agreement to keeping eachother on house arrest. 

Post # 11
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@mayflowerbride13:  

I am not suggesting that you are the bad guy, but I am suggesting that it will appear that way to the Bridesmaid or Best Man and the rest of the group.  I am also suggesting that you allow some flexibility with this – even though you initially wanted to elope, you did agree to the large wedding. Things change… 

I completely understand the way you feel, however, I also think you are causing yourself unnecessary stress over this. Stress that YOU JUST DON’T NEED. Give your Fiance the benefit of a doubt that he can handle the situation without you stepping in. If he needs to take some work off then he and his employer can make that decision. If he decides that he wants to participate in this party then that is his choice. If I were you I would try to support my Fiance with this in any way that I could, even if it meant missing a family dinner, or perhaps something that DOES pertain to the wedding – give him the night off and tell him that “You’ve got this”.  Most families would understand that he was MIA for his Bach Party (as long as it wasn’t the rehearsal! LOL!). When else in his life is he going to have his Bachelor Party?

Also, I know you are pissed right now, but I still think that you should consider making amends with the Bridesmaid or Best Man – you are marrying his Boyfriend or Best Friend and chances are that he will be in your life for a very very long time – not to mention he will be immortalized in your wedding day via Pictures. For the sake of your FH, the Wedding, and your Future Self – consider letting this go 

Post # 13
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@Starling13:  +1 Well put 🙂

Post # 14
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Well, I’ve got your back on this. Obviously the issue isn’t only the bachelor party, but that Bridesmaid or Best Man has continuosly done things like this. If your Fiance doesn’t want to have a party right before the wedding, he shouldn’t have to. Even if it means Bridesmaid or Best Man will be missing out. I have a nightmare of a Bridesmaid or Best Man (FI’s brother) and I’m just waiting for the problems to start. 
You and Fiance should do what you two want to. Don’t let him bully you into having the party he wants. But also, let it go and let Fiance deal with it. Don’t stress yourself out over it. Let them figure out what they’re going to do for a guy day and just try to forget about it. 

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