- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
I have been very close friends with a girl (I’ll call her Nancy) for 16 years. I moved from Washington to Texas and we still maintained our friendship, so when over the Holidays I told told her I was getting married she was so happy for me, but then jumped into bridesmaid mode. At first I was ok with it, and just figured I would formally ask her by February (July wedding).
Ok, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me give you all some backround. Nancy has had some emotional hardship which has given her anxiety/ depression (which she will not treat). As someone who has had past issues with anxiety/ depression I know how it can consume you and make every day very difficult. Well, Nancy goes through phases where she gets really negative, and complains about everything (total debbie downer). Example: When I was home visiting over the holidays, she came over and I was online looking at wedding dresses. Then out of nowhere she carried on about how she hates how she looks (she’s always been full figured, but the depression caused her to gain weight and is now about a size 20). I tried to comfort her and said not to worry because my main color is dark eggplant purple so it will hide things (insert assuring smile here), then she carried on how she doesn’t want anyone to see her, and she’d rather just not even be up there because then people will see her.
After she left I was upset so I called my sister (who is also my MOH), who flat out said “Omg Evylise, that’s screwed up. She has been your best friend for this long, you’ve always been understanding and supportive of her, yet she still managed to make your special day about her. She should just suck it up because she is the one who assumed she was gonna be a bridesmaid without a formal invitation from you. Since she is such a good friend, she should just be up there and be supportive and calm you down on your big day. It sounds like you’re gonna be the one calming her down instead.” Then she told me to just kick her off the bridal party which she invited herself on.
My sister has a point.
sigh. I hate drama.
The other issue is Nancy’s 3 year old daughter. She has no discipline, no manners, and Nancy doesn’t set boundaries. Whenever she comes over she trashes my house, licks the plate of cookies, she bites other kids and screams really loud or breaks things when nobody is paying attention to her. Nancy laughs when all this goes on (thus encouraging little Nancy), and shrugs her shoulders. Honestly, little Nancy is the reason I didn’t initially want children as guests at our wedding.
Ok, so I thought this situation would sort itself out, but Nancy texted me last night asking what color to get little Nancy’s dress in (excuse me, please don’t assume your child is in the wedding). And I am having bad dreams of Nancy standing up there with little Nancy causing a ruckus/ tugging on her dress screaming during the ceremony.
Help please, how do I handle this?