(Closed) “Negative Nancy” assumed she is a bridesmaid.. drama… so…what to do?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I would tell her that you aren’t inviting children under 5? 10? 16? whatever and that there will be a sitter on hand (which you can arrange in advance) to watch your guests’ children during this adult-only event.

Post # 6
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@evylise:  Maybe just get back to her, and very sympathetically (make it about her, since that seems to her her schtick) say that you don’t want to cause her extra stress, and you think that her idea (stressed) to just attend might be best so as to not add additional stress/dress shopping/people looking at her/feeling insecure. Say your priority is that she’s happy on your wedding and enjoying yourself…? I would make it as much about her and her comfort right now, so that you don’t actually have to do that at your wedding. 

Post # 7
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@Heartly:  Sounds like a good plan to me too!

Post # 10
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

Yeah, this can always be hard 🙁 still, you may not be able to avoid her taking it personally. So just bite the bullet and get it over with? I’m sorry you’re stuck with having to do this!

Post # 12
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@evylise:  It seems that you’re going about this the wrong way. Just telling her to check out your wedding website and assuming she’ll see the “no children under 10” part is entirely too assuming. She’ll more than likely read that and assume that her daughter is excluded from that b/c she’s “in” the wedding.

You need to put your foot down with her and let her know that her daughter is not in the wedding if you don’t want her to be there. And if you don’t want her to be in the wedding, then you need to ask her to step down. You made the mistake of letting her run all over you with both of these assumptions. The more you skirt the issue, the more she’s just going to assume that she and her daughter are a part of your big day.

Post # 14
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

Did she text you back yet?  I’m so curious to see how this plays out!  I too have a “negative nancy” friend, and i think she will act the exact same way once I’m engaged!  She also has anxiety/depression and is severly self-concious about her appearance, and is overly sensitive which makes me almost feel obligated to have her in my wedding just to avoid hurting her feelings…. My advice is:  Your wedding is about you and your fiance, and anyone who puts their feelings above yours on your wedding day is in the wrong.  I hope you get this sorted out and everyone is happy!  Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oh, now I want an updated.

To be honest, I wouldn’t kick her out. I would tell her how special she is and that you want her up there. And then leave it at that. If she has another outburst about her weight, let her know that she can always drop out and be your cheerleader for the sidelines. But with a friend with a mental illness, it’s best to just let it go.

As for her daughter, I agree. Nip that now.

Hope it works out.

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