(Closed) I really need advice

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@stressedandmorestressed:  I went through this exact thing, except we were moving half way around the world. He ended up not proposing before we left still not for 5 months after we were here, I was actually pretty close to flying home before he finally did it!

i say follow your heart but make sure he knows you arent willing to stay unmarried forever! Make sure you do have a backup plan if you do decide to go so you won’t be stuck in a foreign country alone, buy a two way ticket has you have a return flight if you want to go home. 

 

Post # 18
Member
6737 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@stressedandmorestressed:  Well, you won’t be stuck there – you would just have to move back. 

I did tell my Fiance that I would PREFER it if he proposed before we moved (from NY to SC – not a different country, but a 10-12 hour drive away).  But, I didn’t think he was going to be able to swing it, and I was fine with that b/c I was secure in the relationship and I knew it was coming.  He also told me after he proposed (3 weeks before we moved) that I talked about it so much for a while that he wasn’t going to do it until I stopped.  I stopped on my own b/c I was annoying even myself lol.. plus I didn’t think it was coming.  Maybe if you stopped, he would finally do it. 

I would bring it up ONE LAST TIME – asking for a timeline.  Tell him you’re not trying to pressure him, but you want some sort of security and peace of mind that it WILL COME and by when.  Tell him you need a definite timeline b/c he broke the last one.  And this time, if it doesn’t happen – leave.  Let HIM give YOU the timeline.  You haven’t been together THAT long, so maybe he just needs a bit more time.  Honestly, I personally would give him until the end of 2013.  If he didn’t propose by NYE on 2013, I would start looking to move back. (If I were in your shoes).

ETA:  DON’T TELL HIM about a walk date.  Just make it your own walk date in your mind.  But first talk to him and see where he’s at in terms of timeline.  If he tells you it’s not happening at all in 2013, then that’s something you need to decide if you’re willing to wait for it – possibly forever.

Post # 20
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

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@futuremrsk18:  +1!

Post # 21
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@stressedandmorestressed:  we were planning a trip home in June and I told him he had until June to figure out what he wants and that I had made this huge step moved here, that it wasn’t fair to me for him to keep saying yes I do want to marry you but no not right now.

I can not work here have no work visa and can not get one so I he has to financially support us completely I had no doubt he loved me and I loved him but it was kind of why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free situation. 

It actually ended up being that my two best girlfriends got married this previous summer and both got pregnant on basically there wedding night and we don’t want kids for a couple years that scared him

Post # 22
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

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@futuremrsk18:  +2

Completely agree on the idea of asking for a timeline.

If you’re willing to move without a ring but with a timeline I think you should tell him that.

Post # 23
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

How will you feel if you move and after 3 months he doesnt propose? 6 months, 9 months, 1 year, 2 years? What if you move and he never proposes? Would you feel like you were taken advantage of, tricked? Would you see it as an adventure that eventually didn’t work out? 

I have a friend that move with her SO. He promised to propose and never did. On one hand, she is so happy to have had the work expereince she gained while there, but she does regret that she wasted 2 years waiting for him to propose. 

I would not feel comfortable up rooting my life without a commitment.

Post # 25
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Not a bad idea to take some time away from each other. One the one hand, no one wants to feel pressured into marriage, but on the other, he shouldnt have promised you “soon”

Sorry you are going though this, but either you or your relationship will grow stronger from it

Post # 26
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

Why is being married important to you?

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