Post # 17
I went through this exact thing, except we were moving half way around the world. He ended up not proposing before we left still not for 5 months after we were here, I was actually pretty close to flying home before he finally did it!
i say follow your heart but make sure he knows you arent willing to stay unmarried forever! Make sure you do have a backup plan if you do decide to go so you won’t be stuck in a foreign country alone, buy a two way ticket has you have a return flight if you want to go home.
Post # 18
Well, you won’t be stuck there – you would just have to move back.
I did tell my Fiance that I would PREFER it if he proposed before we moved (from NY to SC – not a different country, but a 10-12 hour drive away). But, I didn’t think he was going to be able to swing it, and I was fine with that b/c I was secure in the relationship and I knew it was coming. He also told me after he proposed (3 weeks before we moved) that I talked about it so much for a while that he wasn’t going to do it until I stopped. I stopped on my own b/c I was annoying even myself lol.. plus I didn’t think it was coming. Maybe if you stopped, he would finally do it.
I would bring it up ONE LAST TIME – asking for a timeline. Tell him you’re not trying to pressure him, but you want some sort of security and peace of mind that it WILL COME and by when. Tell him you need a definite timeline b/c he broke the last one. And this time, if it doesn’t happen – leave. Let HIM give YOU the timeline. You haven’t been together THAT long, so maybe he just needs a bit more time. Honestly, I personally would give him until the end of 2013. If he didn’t propose by NYE on 2013, I would start looking to move back. (If I were in your shoes).
ETA: DON’T TELL HIM about a walk date. Just make it your own walk date in your mind. But first talk to him and see where he’s at in terms of timeline. If he tells you it’s not happening at all in 2013, then that’s something you need to decide if you’re willing to wait for it – possibly forever.
Post # 19
Did he decide to do it after you told him that you’re leaving?
Post # 21
we were planning a trip home in June and I told him he had until June to figure out what he wants and that I had made this huge step moved here, that it wasn’t fair to me for him to keep saying yes I do want to marry you but no not right now.
I can not work here have no work visa and can not get one so I he has to financially support us completely I had no doubt he loved me and I loved him but it was kind of why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free situation.
It actually ended up being that my two best girlfriends got married this previous summer and both got pregnant on basically there wedding night and we don’t want kids for a couple years that scared him
Post # 22
Completely agree on the idea of asking for a timeline.
If you’re willing to move without a ring but with a timeline I think you should tell him that.
Post # 23
How will you feel if you move and after 3 months he doesnt propose? 6 months, 9 months, 1 year, 2 years? What if you move and he never proposes? Would you feel like you were taken advantage of, tricked? Would you see it as an adventure that eventually didn’t work out?
I have a friend that move with her SO. He promised to propose and never did. On one hand, she is so happy to have had the work expereince she gained while there, but she does regret that she wasted 2 years waiting for him to propose.
I would not feel comfortable up rooting my life without a commitment.
Post # 24
You girls are so right! This morning, my parents who were super worried about our situation called and asked to speak to him. Since he was around, I passed the phone to him. He spoke to my dad for alittle bit and he told my dad that he would propose “soon”. He always give the same answer, after he hung up it seems like he just said..”i’m european..and i’m not american..we do things differently.A lot of my friends are divorced, my parents are divorced and that doesn’t give me any comfort in marriage.” And basically he said that to “accommodate” me and my parents he will propose..and that to me just sound like a bunch of bullsi$t. I told him that i want to be a man who stands behind his words and even when we are not fighting and good he hasnt took any action to even propose. What pissed me off so much is the fact that he took a year to figure out what to do and he doesn’t really haven’t done anything. And he said, maybe we should do long distance and see how it goes.
So I told him that i’m supportive of that idea. So i’m just going to start looking for a job where I’m at and he can relocate by himself. And in the meantime, before he takes off I told him that we can take some time off as well. Its better that way since we see each other every day.
Post # 25
Not a bad idea to take some time away from each other. One the one hand, no one wants to feel pressured into marriage, but on the other, he shouldnt have promised you “soon”
Sorry you are going though this, but either you or your relationship will grow stronger from it
Post # 26
Why is being married important to you?