- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
Okay so I will try to keep this as organized as possible. I am a frequent poster and am really hoping to get some advice or honest opinions about my situation.
I have had a good friend since around the age of 7 who was in and out of my life due to school changes until middle school where we became very close throughout highschool. We were inseperable. She has always been into dramatic situations and taking things very personally and also an attention seeker from boys. Sometimes this bothered me but because I am also sensitive and liked boys, we got along and I truly understood her and accepted that this was the way she is and I wanted to look past her drama sometimes and loved her for her good qualities.
In university things started to change.. I was earning a degree about an hour away from home and working to pay the bills. I met new people but she would often come up to visit me and loved my new friends as well. She stayed at home and went to 3 different colleges (dropping out because of grades) and I stuck by her side and tried to guide her the best that I could. She has now settled into a long term job at the hardware store making just over minimum wage but she is happy and trying to figure out what to do next so I am also happy for her. Throughout school she would bail on plans sometimes or not show up or be grumpy… but her mood and our hang outs would depend on how things were going between her and the guy she was seeing at the time. She really never grew up.
Guys would treat her like crap and she would continue to go back to them and I just accepted that our friendship was on the back burner while things were going “amazingly” with her boyfriend and always dropped everything when they broke up.
Over the past few years, she has only come to me when things are going wrong or she needs something from me. So I try to seperate myself from the drama and try really hard to be agood friend and be positive.
She has lied to me, forgotten important things about me and my life, ditched me for guys, kept me in the dark about some major life events of hers that were good, lied to me about her being on anti-depressants for years, etc.
After I graduated, I moved home, and we were the only two ladies in our group of male friends (one of whom has since become my FI). These guys are like my brothers.. but she has gone and found other friends. This is completely fine, but gets upset with me if I am hanging out with the same old group that she has left behind, instead of her.
There have been many instances where she bottles up little things that make her upset and then texted me angry or on edge to start trouble … just for me to find out days or weeks later that she was mad about something silly… like not mentioning to her that we were all playing pond hockey or something… when she was busy doing something with her other friends (again, I do not mind). She sends me textstrying to make me feel bad.. and things just feel overall yucky.
Anyways, my problem today is this. I have been struggling about our friendship for a while. I have approached talking to her about it many ways.. very few times have a put blame on her or accused her of anything. I have been very tactful. I have lost sleep about this and am always stressed out. I ask her what I can do to help her or if there is anything that I am doing to make her upset or act this way.. she always says no that she loves me the way I am.
When I got engaged, she was happy but texting me very bitchy comments about little things… and eventually fessed up that she hated being around our group because everyone was so happy about the engagement and she was envious of my situation. I told her that I understood and that we should spend time without the group just us. I am not a boastful or centre of attention type person so it was really confusing for me to hear. It is others that make the engagement a big deal.. not us.
I asked my neighbour, who is like my sister to me since we were toddlers to be my maid of honor. It wasnt a secret and I have told my friend many times that my neightbour would be my Maid/Matron of Honor some day and that she would be a great bridesmaid. After a week and a half of her ignoring me and being bitchy and standoffish over text and standing me up on a breakfast date.. she fessed up that she was angry that she wasnt the Maid/Matron of Honor. Then that I went dress shopping with my mom.
I havent asked her to be a bridesmaid.. so I asked her if we could have coffee so that we could talk. I wanted to tell her that I couldnt imagine my big day without her and that I want her to be a bridesmaid but things need to change in our friendship.. I wanted everything out in the open and both of us to work at this.
But she said no to meeting.. that she was too busy. SO I said fine, the ball is in your court and decided that I could not have her in my wedding party at this point in time. We have 1.5 years till the wedding.
I texted her a few days later saying that I needed my best friend, my gramma was not doing well in the hospital, and our issues aside I need her. She read and did not respond. This was 2 weeks ago.. and yesterday she texted me telling me that she was applying to be a flight attendant and we should go out to celebrate.
What do I do? I dont want to.. I am so hurt and angry.. and just want this all to end. She is not the type that will still be friends with me if I dont make her a bridesmaid which is hard for me to accept.. but at th same time, I cant go through this anymore.
What do I do? Am I doing the right thing by meeting her and explaining to her how I feel? I want to say that there will always be rom for her in my wedding IF things change and we can mend this over time with effort from both of us.
Thank you so much for reading if you have gotten tis far. I have been trying to write about this for a while but was really nervous