- 10 years ago
So, here is my story, i need advice.
My boyfriend and I have been friends for 8 years, and we started dating 5 months ago. We are perfect for each other, we were always really close as friends, and definitely shared a connection, and one day we decided to try exploring a different kind of relationship. 3 months into it, he turned to me and said he wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. I agreed, he makes me so happy, and I try to make sure he knows it all the time.
Side note, so you can know me a little: I am into travelling, pretty laid back, I teach surfing, I love the outdoors and nature, and I am a free spirit. These are the most important things about me, and he knows it. I have communicated with him before that because of this I feel like guys always think I dont want the cliche romantic things, and therefore I never get them, ie flowers, candles, jewelry…and I have asked him to be the man that does these things for me, I WANT them ALL ( I know he has it in him, because when we were friends he used to tell me about the stuff he did for women before, and for the first few weeks we were dating, he did a few super sweet things for me, but i had to ask for it after, and still nothing.)
We went ring shopping together, I picked out the setting, I introduced him to my aunt whos family is in the jewelry industry, and she took him to buy an amazing diamond. He showed me the diamond to make sure I liked it. So far, there are no surprises. I had a conversation with him, letting him know that whatever he plans when he asks me, to please at least make sure there is champagne and flowers, I want romance…
He asked me on Monday night, he picked the ring up on Monday from the jewelers, he couldn’t wait, he was so excited. He took me to a restaurant that we had gone to a few times, and there was champagne on the table when we got there. we sat down, and as the waiter was going over the specials, i could see him fidgeting in his pocket…I knew he was getting the ring out, and I cant really place what i was feeling…the waiter walked away, he moved his menu and there was the box. And I looked at him, and he looked at me. and I was like, “yes?” and he asked me if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. and I said, are you going to open the box or should I? and then I picked it up, and couldnt figure out how to open it, and then he opened it, and the ring was so perfect, and I was happy and I said of course i do. And then I said, are you going to put it on me? and he did.
and then I tried, so hard to be excited, I complimented the ring, I ate my food, drank the champagne, told him how awesome he is…and he could tell I was disappointed…
He told me he thought of asking me on the beach where we first kissed, and i asked why he didnt, and he said it was his first choice but he wanted to eat, and couldnt wait anymore, he was too excited, and that it shouldnt matter how or where he asked, all that should matter was him and me and our future. Anyway, I feel so badly, I should have been excited, I just really wanted him to have done something meaningful for me, and I felt that since he noticed anyway, I should be honest with the man I was committing to spending the rest of my life with.
This is really long, but so the next day, I felt awful, he felt awful, and I thought that maybe it could help us both move forward if we just did it over again, after all he never actually asked me to “marry him”. He told me that he would do that. so i put the ring back in the box, and away in the closet. Then this morning, he told me he didnt want to redo it, and that he doesnt even want to think of marriage, or kids or anything like that with me for a long time. That our relationship is completely broken and we need to start over again…and he showed me this other guys post that he found: http://www.pricescope.com/forum/proposal-ideas/your-proposal-wasn-t-good-enough-t67670.html
I am so torn apart, I feel awful for all of it. I love him so much , and I know he loves me, and I feel like a stupid brat, he told me I broke his heart, that he feels worse than if he found out I had cheated on him, and that he just doesn’t feel the same anymore. I am so heartbroken, I never meant to hurt him, I was trying to ask for what I wanted, and I just want to put the ring back on and laugh about this, like we do. Our relationship is so funloving, I cant understand why he would almost want to end things because of this…I hate that I broke his heart, I didnt mean to, and I so wish I could go back in time and take it all away. I never thought it would make him feel this way, but I am at a loss now. He barely looks at me, he looks sad, and he wont talk to me. I tried surprising him by cooking his favorite dinner last night, but he didnt really care. Please Help…