(Closed) I really need help…marriage proposal went down the drain

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

honestly, i dont knw what to say….i think his proposal was amazing. i even teared up alittle bit reading it! it was so cute how he was so excited to ask you to be his wife that he couldnt wait to get that ring on your finger.

IMO he has every right to be upset, you basically made him feel like what he did for you wasnt good enough….i really dont know how you can fix it. im sure you have taken a few steps back in your relationship but everything happens for a reason….maybe it is good that you guys start over. i would def sit him down and talk to him and explain to him why you thought the proposal wasnt”good enough”

im sorry your going through this….

Post # 4
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My dear, YOU are in the doghouse!   If you love him, it shouldn’t matter how he proposed.  Marriage and relationships are not some magical fairytale you read about in a book or see in a movie.  You have a lot of apologizing to do.  Maybe you should buy him flowers and champaigne!  You may want to do some serious thinking about why it was more important for you to have a fairytale proposal instead of the actual proposal that your man felt was the way he wanted to do it.  

Post # 5
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Ouch . not good. maybe you can arrange something romantic and “re-propose” to him 

Post # 6
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I can understand the dissapointment. Its hard when we work ourselves up and have expectations that arent met. Its happened to a lot of us.

To an outsider his proposal sounds great and overtime you will “get over it”.  It may not have been your dream proposal, but he is your dream man. Focus on that and your plans.

Heck, you could even discuss that sometime in the distant future you want him to repropose (like a 10 year anniversary) and you could do a vow renewal. 

EDIT- somehow I didnt read the entire post. Agree that you need to apologize in some grandiose way, and then let him take the reigns from there. Tell him that when he is ready to give you back the ring- but not another proposal just a sign that your forgiven and he is ready to marry you.   

Your trust in waiting for him will go a long way in him healing and foregiving.

Post # 7
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@2ndtime: I second this!

Trust me, love in general is not some big fairy tale. I think his proposal was sweet! From what I’ve learned, let the man control the proposal because when the wedding planning comes around, it’s going to be all about you. I tried to control how FH would propose, and when I finally gave up, that’s when it happened! Sure it wasn’t filled with roses or champagne, but we have a wonderful and funny story we can tell our future kids. I think what counts is that he PROPOSED! He asked you to be his wife by saying he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Give him some space and let him calm down, then try to talk to him. I think you owe him an apology and a lot of making up!

 

Post # 8
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Apologize to him. Tell him that you were stupid and selfish and stuck on your idea of a “perfect” proposal and totally forgot about his feelings, and that this was his moment. (All true.) And tell him that any proposal that comes from him is perfect. (It is, right? The thing that makes it awesome is that the person you love most in the world was so excited to ask you that he couldn’t even wait for dessert to do it, right?)

I don’t think you’re alone. I always read the “disappointed with my proposal” stories and think, “oh god, I hope she never tells him!” I bet a lot of men feel this way, and I really think the best thing you can do is apologize and both of you put it behind you. The proposal sucked for you because he didn’t do it the way you wanted, it sucks for him because now he feels inadequate, and really, there are no do overs. It’s just sad that this event, which should have been so happy for both of you, is something you both feel bad over.

Instead of asking him to redo it the way you want it, maybe you should propose to him. (Maybe in a few months, after the wound has had a chance to scab over and he doesn’t feel like you’re rubbing his face in it.)

Post # 9
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

If I were in his shoes I’d be very hurt also.

So your proposal wasn’t movie perfect, it doesn’t matter. It gave me butterflies that he was SO excited to marry you he couldn’t even wait one minute longer to ask.

I don’t really know how you fix this.

You need to start by apologizing. A strong relationship isn’t about how extravagant the proposal was, or how lavish the wedding, but how strong the love is between those in it.

Post # 10
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@CanadianMermaid: good idea….but even if she does that he might think  she is trying to “out propose” him!

this is a very sticky situation. i would def be ready to do alot of apologizing! my Fiance did not do some crazy romantic proposal but it was perfect for us because i knew how bad he wanted me to be his wife…nothing else mattered. i just wanted that ring…..lol and him Kiss

Post # 12
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@takebacktime:

You can’t. You really hurt him, andd you need to just be kind to him while he gets over it. (Or doesn’t.)

Post # 13
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@takebacktime: honestly all you can do is keep saying sorry and give him some time to cool off….

 

Post # 14
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Hmm… on one hand I think a relationship should always be about honesty. You should be able to truthfully tell your guy if/when you’re disappointed by something without it “breaking” your relationship. In the same way, he has every right to tell you that your reaction hurt him.

However, clearly your request that he “re-do” it hurt him. Deeply. What exactly are you upset about or do you feel was missing? Isn’t the fact that he wants you to be his wife the most romantic thing one can do? I understand why he’s upset, but I don’t think this should have completely de-railed his plans to marry you. I would sit him down, apologize immensely, explain that you really do want to marry him and that spending your lives together is so much more important than how  he asked you to do so. Also, since he did already propose, I would tell him that you do seriously consider yourselves engaged and that the only reason for a “re-do” at this time is if he no longer considers you engaged and feels the need to make it real.

Post # 15
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

OUCH, for HIM!

burn #1 “make sure there’s champange and flowers”

burn #2 “are you gonna open it or should I?”

burn #3 “are you going to put it on or what?”

burn #4 “why didn’t you [propose on the beach]?”

I wouldn’t really want to propose to you again either. My guy was waiting for the “perfect romantic moment” he proposed while I was smoking a dubbie on the couch in my PJ’s. According to him it wasn’t “perfectly romantic” it was “I couldn’t wait any longer to ask!” That was more than enough for me. Did I dare ask him why he was on 2 knees instead of 1? Nope. Did I have the balls to ask him why he didn’t undo the ribbon around the box and present me with the ring? Not a chance. Would I ever consider asking him why he wouldn’t put the over sized (as in too large for my finger :P) ring on my finger? God no.

You screwed up sooo bad. Maybe take the bees advice given above and do something beyond amazing, starting with “I’m soooo sorry, will you marry me?”

Post # 16
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Seriously, I suggest you woo him!  It just happened Monday so the wound is still fresh and this may take a while.  But, buy him flowers, cards, candy, love letters, the whole nine yards! If you can afford a billboard do that!  Apologize, apologize, apologize.  Be persistent but not obnoxious.  Make him know you are sincere and that you now realize a do over is unnecessary.  He may not come around for a while, so know that going in. Let him know that you are willing to wait for him to come around because you love him.

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