(Closed) I really need help..Should i hold back my 5 yrs old son for kindergarten?

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@ddsfam:  I think if you’re going to hold a child back at any point in their school career, it should be done in Kindergarten (if at all possible). This is especially true of Kindergarteners that enter at four-years-old instead of five-years-old. There are some major cognitive, physical, and social changes that occur in just that one-year span.

I work with a first-grader now who entered Kinder as a four-year-old and repeated it the next year; he has shown massive improvement, much more improvement than he showed in all of his first “attempt” at Kindergarten.

Sports-wise, he’ll catch up no matter what, but think about his academic and social needs first. Have you spoken with his teacher(s)?


Post # 4
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

10 years ago everyone was pushing for their kids to start younger, now everyone is holding their kids as long as possible, only you know what is right for your child. If it were me I wouldn’t focus on “maturity” because, he’s 5. I would focus on confidence and social relationships, and how serious you plan to be with athletics.

Post # 5
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you have the option, I’d hold him back. If he’s super stellar, he can be bumped later or entered into a gifted program (or give lots of after school opportunities in arts or math programs). The PP is right about cognitive development – there is a HUGE swing in kids in any grade depending on their birthday. These poor kids who go through school thinking they’re dumb, half the time it’s because they had a late birthday and got it in their head early that they’re one of the “stupid” kids. It’s amazing how that attitude alone will impact a child’s performance. 

If you do decide to hold him back, make sure he has lots of enriching extra curriculars in the home and in any other programs you can put him into. You said he’s rather bright, so you want him to stay engaged and mentally active and not get bored and lazy 🙂


Post # 6
6825 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Honestly no if you are only going to hold him back because he is small. If he is doing well academically than there is no reason to hold him back. I find it a tad selfish if you are just holding him back because of a physical trait.

And I am a mother of a premie who is small for his age….


Post # 7
9190 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

There is a LOT of research that young children, ESPECIALLY boys, do better if they’re held back when they’re on the cusp.  It does have to do with physical size, but less about sports and more about acceptance by their peers.  You don’t want your little guy to set up for bullying all through K-12, do you?  You said you’ve been researching, so I assume you’ve seen this evidence?  I would hold him back in a heartbeat.  Good luck!

Post # 8
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My brother was held back a year in kindergarten and he turned out fine. I think he really enjoyed it when he turned 16 before any of his classmates and was able to drive and get a job before them. I, on the other hand was almost always the youngest in my class, which was annoying when everyone else was turning 16, 18 and 21 a year before me.

Post # 9
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@ddsfam:  I teach kindergarten. I am also a gifted teacher. A lot research suggests that a child, especially a gifted one, will benefit from being with their intellectual peers, rather than with the kids that are their own age. 

My nephew is in California and has a November 24th birthday. His parents decided to keep him in kindergarten for 2 years. It worked out fine while he was in kindergarten but now that he’s in 2nd grade, he is academically advanced, and is apparently pretty bored.

Just food for thought…

Post # 12
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My FI’s best friend, and my close friend was held back a year in kindergarten because of physical development, for lack of a better word he was scrawny. Now that he’s graduated college he’s finally filling out a bit, but he never did in highschool. He and I were both in the gifted track, and quite honestly we were often bored because even the gifted track wasn’t challenging enough in some areas. My Fiance, our friend, and I tended to be more mature than our peers which lead us to having few friends in high school. Now that we’re out he is the only person from highschool that I bother to keep in touch with besides Fiance. 

Holding your son back a year might keep him from being bullied and being at a disadvantage due to his age, but it might not solve all of the problems you are trying to prevent ie boredom with coursework.

Post # 13
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My daughter did not make the cut-off age for starting kindergarten; cut-off was September and her birthday was in October.  She was/is an only child and was quite mature.  Not only that, she started reading when she was 4.  For those reasons, I enrolled her in private school kindergarten.  She did very well and had no problems related to her being the youngest in her class (all throughout her education).  She graduated with her bachelor’s in December.

Post # 14
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@ddsfam:  I think you should just keep him in school.  Here why I have this opinion:  I WAS THE YOUNGEST! …and by quite a bit in my grade.  I went to preschool at age 3 and kindergarten at age 4.  In doing so, I also graduated highschool at 17 and started college at that age too!  I have always felt that by starting school instead of being held back I have had the opportunity to everything before everyone else.  What I mean by that is: even though I was the last to get my driving license, I also technically was able to accomplish more in less time than they had. For example it took me 17 years to graduate while it took my friends 18 or 19.  What had they done with their extra year? Stay at home with their mothers or go to daycare.  INSTEAD of doing that for a year- I did everything earlier and now I can do fun adult things!

Now as far as how I did academically and in sports: outstanding.  I was the salutatorian of my high school class and summa cum laude in college.  I was also a very strong athlete (even with my very petite frame).  I was able to go to compete at the state level all four years of highschool and later compete in college, eventually making it to national levels.  My first year at state I was 14 years old and took 4th in my event.  I don’t think that being older would have made me any faster because I was actually slower as I became older.

As for getting my driver’s license last- it really wasn’t that big of a deal because all my friends had their licenses and loved to use them so they would pick me up all the time.  Looking back- I also saved myself and my parents a ton of money because we weren’t paying gas/insurance for the car while all my friends were picking me up. 

Socially, I have never had a problem.  However, don’t you think your son may miss the relationships he has already made in his class?  I would be more hesitant of that and how he will do in sports down the line. 

Whatever you decide, GOOD LUCK and I’m sure he will be fine!

Post # 15
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

If your kid has done well this year then I would not hold him back. I am teaching at the moment in an academy and the bright kids in the wrong level get bored and stop focusing and concentrating in class and just become disruptive. This would be my main concern 

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