- 10 years ago
Hello. I am in a very complicated situation that has broken my heart. I dont want to eat and wake up from a very disturbed sleep, wanting to cry. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost 5 years now. We both left home and went to another state to study, after 2 years of dating we moved in together. We have the same age, 24 years old, he is just 5 months older than me. We meet while we were at university, the year that I lost my father to cancer, which has been a very difficult time for me, also knowing that my mother was alone at home, since I am an only child. However he stayed by me at those times. I graduated, and since he studied medicine, and he strugled with his studies, he had 4 more years left when I finished school. However I really loved him, and I didnt return home to my family, not taking this time into consideration.
I helped him with his studies, (he now has just 2 more years left), I began to work and we moved in together. So lets face it, I was the one paying the bills, but our relationship was very fulfilling, and love makes you blind as they say. He always referred to me as the other half of his soul.
My boyfriend met my mother several times during these years, and they have had a good relationship. (eventhough my mother disagreed in the begining because she didnt find him a good match for me, she resigned then knowing how much i loved him). He even wanted his parents to come at our house, to meet. I postponed this meeting for a year, I was very afraid, and I now know the reason…
I am a foreigner (we are both from the same country) and our tradition (which his family I know follows) says that when the families of the couple first met, that means engagement. So we accepted and prepared ourselves, for what was ment to be a great day in my life. BUT, all the contrary happened. His family indeed came, they leave 5 hours away from our house, and they didnt want to look or talk with me, or my mother even once. It was horrible for me because I am a very intelligent, pretty, hard working girl, and with a very good familiar background. The didnt have any reason!!!
They just begin talking negative things with the guests, like negative political coments, or beautiful girls are not clever ( I hope they didnt ment to make me feel bad about it. I am studying master right now) and sh… like that..They even said they didnt expect other members in our house, except me and my mother! I am not going to go into detail, but I was very dissapointed at the end, and I showed all my dissapointment to my boyfriend, who put all the fault onto my mother, saying that they didnt came for an engagement, but just to know one another.
Whats the point, when ve have 5 years knowing and loving one another…. However I am sure that his family is saying to him that he has 2 more years to study, like I didnt know that, and I couldnt interferre with his future.When all i have done until now is helping him.
My mother felt really bad too, and gave me an ultimatum, we get engaged right now, or I dont continue any more with him. I feel she is right. But I cant imagine myself without him. When I told him I wanted us to get engaged, since I needed that kind of security to move on, he talked to his parents, who said no, because it is not the right time for them and for him.
I even beged him not to leave me, but he wants to live with me under the same roof, says he loves me, but he wont get engaged to me right now. He told me that he hates my mother and blames her for what she has done. We were even planning that afters some years, my mother would move in with us. He proposed that. But now he gives me an ultimatum. No engagement now, my mother was never going to move in with us and we would talk about the engagement later when we would be near.He is near his family right now.
I am not asking for marriage, just engagement. Then I could wait two more years for him, to get married. But he disagrees.
I have waited for 5 years for him to propose, but that didnt come. We even made lifelong plans together. Our relationship was happy and solid, but it was ruined in a day. My mother doesnt want me to spent my life waiting for him, and i know she is right.
Yesterday i explained one more time the situation to my boyfriend, and the words he said were that he prefers to break his soul, but not to ruin his future. Like I was going to, after all the sacrifices I have done for him. I texted him
so have a bright future without me, and that was it. No word from him until now. I think he is not going to change his mind. Things were good as they were for him, he didnt want to commit to me any more. I feel so confused and my heart is broken. Sorry my post was so long and my writing so bad. But i feel so dissapointed. He was my first love, i trusted his words with my life…. Any real advice please?