(Closed) I really need some insight here

posted 8 years ago in Military
Post # 3
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

(((Hugs))) I think your reasoning and decision were VERY sound! What you did is actually pretty common amoung military brides (at least around here).

I think ultimately it’s up to you whether you tell them or not – and either one of those choices is going to be okay, in the end. Telling a few people also doesn’t mean you would have to tell everyone.

Post # 5
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I totally understand and its OK! My Fiance and I met in the Military! Both Navy! Anyways, its not un-common to do this. I have seen it many times before! I did it as well, I was previously married, with out getting into how not well my prev marriage was, and him going crazy….basically, we did the courthouse thing, started to plan our big wedding, my family did not know we were already married, I never told them, our marriage went to crap and he became very controling and abbusive, so we got dovorced! So honey, my family does not know I was married and divorced already! I UNDERSTAND why u dont tell them, its HARD to understand the military life, and u dont want HURT feelings and everything! I totally get ya!

Post # 6
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I have a good friend of mine who got secretly married in Korea. Never told anybody…not even her family. It’s none of their business. It’s a VERY military situation and NOBODY really “gets” it unless they’re in. We talked about it a lot but decided it wasn’t an option for us (i was still in college and we lived pretty separate lives in separate states) otherwise we’d have done it.

Anyways, my friend never “came clean” and i think it’s all just water under the bridge by now. Nobody cares if she already got ‘legally’ married….it was just a precaution. I say move forward and don’t tell them if you think they won’t be understanding about it. After all, how can they?

Post # 7
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We’ve talked about doing it (FI is in thje USAF). He wants to for several reasons and I was hesitant because I am still in college. After talking to my university, it’s not really an issue.

I am very seriously considering doing it in May when he is home on leave. It’s a really common thing to do in the military.

Post # 8
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

No military connection here, but my Fiance (husband!) and I did the same thing and have our big wedding this May.  My best friends know but no one in my family does.  I have no idea how they would react at this point, since we’ve been legally married almost a year now…but in the end I think they would be happy for me.  Sometimes I feel guilty but most of the time I am ok with our decision. 

We don’t plan to ever confess and, frankly, have kind of enjoyed our secret wedding/marriage.  It’s been very sweet, very personal and in all of the wedding planning a big stress relief to know that we’re already married so none of the family drama or wedding planning crap matters. 

I understand how you are feeling but I don’t see any reason that they ever have to know.  Have your “wedding”, share that joyous day with them and move on.  In the end all that matters is that you married your man!  Good luck!

Post # 9
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I say forget about everyone else!  As long as you two are happy that’s all that matters!!  You are going to have your wedding soon and then you won’t feel like you are keeping that huge secret!  You will be fine:)

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