- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2018
I’m sure most of the regular bees are well aware of my penchant for making an ass of myself in front of Mr. 99…last night was so amazingly awkward….
I usually get home from work, chill on the couch for about 45 minutes and then go make dinner while the dogs eat and Mr. 99 plays his video game du jour…it has been this way since the beginning and will probably always be that way, until Mr. 99 goes blind or we hire a chef…anyway, he NEVER comes upstairs while I’m cooking, EVER! So I get to watch whatever I want on my Kindle Fire while I cook…so 9 1/2 weeks is streaming on Amazon, Mickey Rourke is crazy hot in that flick and I dig the nostalgia as well as how daring it was for the time…ANYWAY…I’m cooking some lemon chicken, the rice is bubbling the dogs are eating, Mickey and Kim are just starting their famous refrigerator scene and who comes walking in? Mr. 99, looking so very domestic in a pair of camo jammie pants and a shirt asking Where the Hell Bent Fort Alaska is….here’s the conversation that ensued:
Him: Hey beautiful, how’s dinner coming?
Me: Great, it’ll be done in a minute, why don’t you go downstairs and relax? I’ll bring it down…
Him: I wanted to help, hey what’s this? A cooking show or someth- why the Hell doesn’t that guy have a shirt on???!
Me: It’s not a cooking show, it’s a movie….
Him: Holy shit! She almost took off his finger going at that strawberry!
Me: ….I can finish dinner on my own, you can just…
Him: Hang on a second, jesus…she’s a pig! Look at her, getting milk all over the place…what IS this?
Me: It’s a movie, and I like it.
Him: (staring me down) ….you LIKE this?
Me: Well, yeah, it’s a neat movie.
Him: Are you trying to tell me that you want me to feed you shit you can’t see in front of a half empty fridge while you wear tube socks and a bathrobe?
Him: You want me to slather you in honey and pour cough syrup down your throat???
Him: Because if you do, I’ll make it happen, but I just want you to know, that between the honey and our dogs who shed 18 pounds of fur daily, that by the time it’s over, your going to look like a yeti…and we are NOT having sex on this floor….we’ve got a pillow top mattress for Christ sake!
Him: Now I love you, and your sexual satisfaction is a priority in my life, so if you need something, I wanna know about it…just come out and tell me next time, we’re adults..ok?
Him: You sure this isn’t something you want?
Me: Really sure!
Him: Ok…See you downstairs
Now I gotta worry about coming home, getting blindfolded and force fed by Mr. 99 who’s a get er dun kinda guy, so he’ll probably dunk me in a vat of honey to save time….