Post # 14
let me share my dad’s experience
My sister is chronically bad with money and mentally ill (most likely). After years of harassment she forced my father to cosign a 10,000 dollar line of credit. What happened? within a few months she had MAXED out the credit, and because she refuses to work a steady job, refused also to pay for the loan. When it defaulted guess WHO has to pay for the line of credit now? My father, all 10,000 and plus interest of it.
My sister is over 100,000 dollars in personal and governmental debt. You do not want that for you, your husband, and your baby. Trust me, and hopefully your husband will see that this is a HUGE decision and that having his partners explicit input is needed here.
Post # 15
Just curious, how did DH react when you told him your reasons for not wanting him to do it? Did he seem like he thought they were valid or did he still seem like he might want to sign it?
Post # 16
This is a big dealbreaker. You really need to put your foot down about this- try to communicate as best you can and show empathy for the position he is being put in….but this is just a huge NO.
Post # 17
I have 2 girls from a previous marriage who live with us. So it wouldn’t be just me and the baby, it would be me and the girls and the baby.
Hubby called me again at work and said he wasn’t going to do it. He said he feels bad for his brother but we have our own debt and things to worry about.
I really hope he stands by his word, because he knows exactly where I stand
Post # 18
Tell your husband NO for all the very good, very smart and sensible reasons you stated. Let him know that b/c any debt is shared debt in a marriage and you do not want to be accountable for 100k loan.
Call a lawyer NOW, ask if your husband signs this against your wishes can papers be drawn up stating that in the event of a divorce any and all debt in your husband’s name is his sole responsibility. Then tell your husband that, might make him think twice b/c then he’d realize that God forbid something happens and you divorce HE has all his debt and his brothers and you are in the clear.
I always say family first and I mean it. If you and your husband were well off with no debt (or atleast debt that was not impacting you i.e. nothing that would cause you to lose your home) THEN I would say help family, give them the money or co-sign. However in your specific situation your Brother-In-Law will have to understand you wish you could help but you are fiscally unable.
Post # 19
Whoa, what a relief your hubby saw the light! If it comes up again, I would caution you not to make this about your Brother-In-Law and his wife’s spending habits or attitude. Just say, “We wish we could help, but right now we aren’t in a position to take on any more debt as it will limit our ability to buy a home.”
Post # 20
Wow, that is a tough position to be in. You need to underline to your husband that co-signing the loan of that size might not only jeapordize his ability to qualifiy for a mortgage in the future, it might also prevent him from securing any additional credit until that loan is paid off. And essentially, in the eyes of the bank and credit reporting agencies that 100K debt is now his as well since the bank will go after the one who is most able to pay if your Brother-In-Law ever defaults.
I’m just curious, why can’t BIL’s parents or his wife’s parents co-sign for him?
Post # 21
he actually agreed with me and saw my point of view. When I said something to my mom, I thought she was going to keel over.
Post # 22
He parents are divorced and her mother is about to be divorced for the 4th time. Her dad has no money. Hubby and his brother’s parents have no money. In fact, the house they live in, hubby’s brother bought and they have to pay him rent. They can barely take care of themselves.
I also told hubby that some banks require the co signer to put up collateral for small business loans. I mentioned to him to tell his brother he should contact the Small Business Administration because that is what they do. If he can show profit and all that then they can back a loan thru the bank. The only problem is that the brother can’t show a profit because he isn’t making any money.
Post # 23
I’m glad your husband seems to be resolved to do the right thing by you and your family. I agree with lefeymw
. Divorce might be a little extreme right now, however, you are well in your right to be upset about the fact he even consider co-signing this loan for one minute. He should not be taking on that kind of debt for anyone when he has a family of his own to take care of.
Post # 24
I’m sorry that you’re in this situation.
In my book, financial decisions (especially ones of that size) should be made together. DH and I have agreed that if one of us legitimately has a reason to say no; we will not go ahead with such financial decisions that carry a burden of debt (and emotional strain on relationships).
I think that you need to talk to your husband. I understand his perspective in that I would do anything for my brother, but that is completely situational. It doesn’t sound like your Brother-In-Law is in a situation to ask for help from your husband nor will he appreciate it (his wife is quitting a job to be a receptionist?) Family is Family, but this is a huge business decision that you and your husband need to believe in and have documents to prove the worth of your investment. I realize that it is a co-signing, not lending him the 100k, but that is your husband’s liability that you’re signing away…
Post # 25
His brother is still calling and bugging about it. He is now trying to tell hubby that it won’t affect his credit score but it will help it because everytime he makes a payment his score will go up.
Post # 26
Definitely NO WAY!!!
I agree with you there is no way your family should be dragged into this! And if you have to threaten him with leaving him then so be it. Your husband needs to put you and your children first, not his brother!! He is not his brothers keeper!!
Hope it all works out for you and your family!
Post # 27
I am just so mad at his brother for even asking. He knows we have a baby on the way. He only calls when he wants something. He didn’t talk to my husband for 8 months because we wouldn’t let his wife bring her friends to our wedding.
I really hope for my husband’s sake he doesn’t cave in and do it. I am not going to put myself or my girls or my unborn child in this situation. If he puts his brother before me and our family then he will have made the decision himself to end things
Post # 28
Yeah, it will be good for his credit score if he actually pays the loan!! But he can just as easily not pay it and ruin his credit, and affect everything you guys do. I think you are making the right decisions, I just hope that the brother doesn’t talk him into it