(Closed) I really really need some advice!! Please please help!!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 14
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

let me share my dad’s experience

My sister is chronically bad with money and mentally ill (most likely). After years of harassment she forced my father to cosign a 10,000 dollar line of credit. What happened? within a few months she had MAXED out the credit, and because she refuses to work a steady job, refused also to pay for the loan. When it defaulted guess WHO has to pay for the line of credit now? My father, all 10,000 and plus interest of it.

My sister is over 100,000 dollars in personal and governmental debt. You do not want that for you, your husband, and your baby. Trust me, and hopefully your husband will see that this is a HUGE decision and that having his partners explicit input is needed here.

Post # 15
4544 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

View original reply
@mrskisstobe: Just curious, how did DH react when you told him your reasons for not wanting him to do it? Did he seem like he thought they were valid or did he still seem like he might want to sign it?

Post # 16
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

Ab-so-lute-ly NOT.

This is a big dealbreaker. You really need to put your foot down about this- try to communicate as best you can and show empathy for the position he is being put in….but this is just a huge NO.

Post # 18
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Tell your husband NO for all the very good, very smart and sensible reasons you stated. Let him know that b/c any debt is shared debt in a marriage and you do not want to be accountable for 100k loan.

Call a lawyer NOW, ask if your husband signs this against your wishes can papers be drawn up stating that in the event of a divorce any and all debt in your husband’s name is his sole responsibility. Then tell your husband that, might make him think twice b/c then he’d realize that God forbid something happens and you divorce HE has all his debt and his brothers and you are in the clear.

I always say family first and I mean it. If you and your husband were well off with no debt (or atleast debt that was not impacting you i.e. nothing that would cause you to lose your home) THEN I would say help family, give them the money or co-sign. However in your specific situation your Brother-In-Law will have to understand you wish you could help but you are fiscally unable.

Post # 19
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Whoa, what a relief your hubby saw the light! If it comes up again, I would caution you not to make this about your Brother-In-Law and his wife’s spending habits or attitude. Just say, “We wish we could help, but right now we aren’t in a position to take on any more debt as it will limit our ability to buy a home.”

Post # 20
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Wow, that is a tough position to be in. You need to underline to your husband that co-signing the loan of that size might not only jeapordize his ability to qualifiy for a mortgage in the future, it might also prevent him from securing any additional credit until that loan is paid off. And essentially, in the eyes of the bank and credit reporting agencies that 100K debt is now his as well since the bank will go after the one who is most able to pay if your Brother-In-Law ever defaults.

I’m just curious, why can’t BIL’s parents or his wife’s parents co-sign for him?

Post # 23
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
@mrskisstobe: I’m glad your husband seems to be resolved to do the right thing by you and your family.  I agree with lefeymw.  Divorce might be a little extreme right now, however, you are well in your right to be upset about the fact he even consider co-signing this loan for one minute.  He should not be taking on that kind of debt for anyone when he has a family of his own to take care of.

Post # 24
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry that you’re in this situation.

In my book, financial decisions (especially ones of that size) should be made together. DH and I have agreed that if one of us legitimately has a reason to say no; we will not go ahead with such financial decisions that carry a burden of debt (and emotional strain on relationships).

I think that you need to talk to your husband. I understand his perspective in that I would do anything for my brother, but that is completely situational. It doesn’t sound like your Brother-In-Law is in a situation to ask for help from your husband nor will he appreciate it (his wife is quitting a job to be a receptionist?) Family is Family, but this is a huge business decision that you and your husband need to believe in and have documents to prove the worth of your investment. I realize that it is a co-signing, not lending him the 100k, but that is your husband’s liability that you’re signing away…

Post # 26
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Definitely NO WAY!!!

I agree with you there is no way your family should be dragged into this! And if you have to threaten him with leaving him then so be it. Your husband needs to put you and your children first, not his brother!! He is not his brothers keeper!!

Definintely no.


Hope it all works out for you and your family!


Post # 28
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yeah, it will be good for his credit score if he actually pays the loan!! But he can just as easily not pay it and ruin his credit, and affect everything you guys do.  I think you are making the right decisions, I just hope that the brother doesn’t talk him into it

The topic ‘I really really need some advice!! Please please help!!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors