(Closed) I really really need some advice!! Please please help!!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 30
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

sure his credit score may go up if the loan is paid, but until then his debt to income ratio will be horrendous and you guys won’t be able to buy a house

Post # 31
1356 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

View original reply
@mrskisstobe I’m so glad that your husband agreed with you. I also agree with you in that his wife should be helping out. Sometimes, in these types of financial situations, people just won’t see the light until it’s too late. Unfortunately, it seems like there’s just nothing that your BIL  will listen to at the moment, hopefully in the (close!) future he gets his act together. :/

Post # 32
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont really understand why your are bringing up divorce already.. that just kinda put me off to be honest.

Post # 33
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Explain to your husband AGAIN the severity of his decision to do this (without giving him an ultimatum).  Explain what it will do to the family and it would lead you to believe that he doesn’t have HIS own family as his prime concern and responsibility, but hie brother’s family and business instead.  I would that would be strong enough.  Also, if you’re willing to be the big bad wolf say you’ll do the dirty work for him (if that’s possible/appropriate).

Post # 36
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@KitKatNYC “If it comes up again, I would caution you not to make this about your Brother-In-Law and his wife’s spending habits or attitude. Just say, “We wish we could help, but right now we aren’t in a position to take on any more debt as it will limit our ability to buy a home.”

I totally co-sign this above, though I would *not* co-sign that loan!! DO NOT make it about a lazy sister in law and a manipulative brother. If your husband feels sorry for his brother, he is also probably inclined to defend him against insults. I am glad he won’t sign the papers, and let him know it’s OK to shut down conversations about it–he made his decision, and that’s it.

The fact that the brother has a 4-year old business that doesn’t make a profit means that it would be a super-high-risk loan to start with. If the brother isn’t making ends meet now, how is he going to pay off this enormous debt? And whoever said that creating debt to pay off other debt is ridiculous is totally right. He can pay off his creditors the same way most of us do: one by one with a little bit of money at a time.

Post # 37
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

View original reply
@mrskisstobe Uhm, your Brother-In-Law is delusional. Adding a 100k debt will wreak havoc on your credit, any minor gains your hubby gets back from his brother paying off debt will be nothing compared to that initial shock. And like a PP said, his debt to income ration (unless hubby makes upwards of a 6-figure salary) will be totally shot.

I’m glad hubby listened to you, I know it’s got to be hard to choose between one family and another…

Post # 39
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012


I noticed that you did not respond to ‘EncoreBrideToBe’ ‘s comment. I am not sure whether you simply did not read it, or chose to ignore it but it is the best advice I have read here.

SEE A LAWYER ABOUT THIS RIGHT AWAY. I am in no way advocating divorce, but it’s obvious that although your husband has said he ‘won’t sign it’, your posts seem to imply that you still have many doubts that this could change- and 100k is a rediculous amount of money.

It’s all well and good to say ‘if he signs for this we’re leaving’ and come vent on an internet forum about it, but at the end of the day if he does this while you two are married, you are getting dragged into that debt as well. Assets/debt work both ways…even though it’s common to only hear about ‘so and so getting half the house’ etc, the reality is that debt gets dragged right along with it.

It sounds like you have a real right to be concerned, and the good news is you seem strong willed and smart about this- BUT don’t fool yourself. All the haughtiness in the world won’t allow you to simply ‘walk away’ with your children in tow should he do this. I’m not sure how the law is there, but here in Ontario, Canada, any assets OR debt accrued during your marriage are legally BOTH of yours. I have a feeling that should your husband sign for this, and then you decide to get up and leave he would be VERY upset and angry…and even the sweetest of people become ugly very quickly in situations like these. 

So PLEASE, go see a lawyer now and discuss this and all of your options. At least put all of this down on paper and have it as record that you were NOT for this and it could very well be the reason you sought a divorce. 

Your husband SHOULD of course come to reason and prioritize you and his children. Unfortunately some people are very easily manipulated by family members…

I hope you take this into consideration and things work out for you. I’m really sorry to be such a Debbie-downer. 🙁

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