Post # 1
I feel pretty guilty. To make a long story short:
I gchatted about the wedding a few times with an old friend of mine who is now pretty much an acquantance. She and I went to elementary, junior high, and high school together- let’s call her D. We’ve made a lot of dear memories together.
Well, D and I remained in relative contact, but are no longer close friends.
We gchatted a few times recently because our mutual friend Judy just got engaged. So she was telling me how it was going with Judy to the bridal salons, etc. Then we kind of naturally started talking about my wedding plans and I showed her pics of my dress, earrings, and invites.
Judy told me that now D assumes she’s invited and was asking about plane tickets to Greece and whether they should all go in on a gift together…ugh. When I heard that I just felt so guilty. Judy had to tell her that she wasn’t invited.
I feel so insensitive and stupid for having spoken to her about so many details…I really never imagined that she would assume she was invited, since we barely see one another anymore.
I just felt super guilty today and wanted to get that off my chest. I made a huge mistake and feel like an a**hole.
I think I’m going to email her and explain that it was wrong of me to discuss so many details with her and that we are trying to widdle down a potential 500 person guest list to 300. (yes, big fat Greek wedding)…sigh.
Post # 3
Oh that really stinks, making guests list is really hard and in a perfect world, we would love to have every freinds and acquaintance both current and of the past to come.
Hopefully she will understand!
Post # 4
oh that really does stink! but I do think that coming clean with a straight explanation and apology is the best way to handle it! After that, she can decide what to do with that information!
Post # 5
Oh man…this is exactly the type of thing I would get myself into! I think an email will be nice, and if you play up the Big Greek Wedding part, it should make sense. Do you live in the same area as D? Maybe you could add in something about how you’d love to reconnect with her, and invite her to coffee or dinner or something? That might help her feel like this is less of a “rejection.”
Post # 6
Umm EMAIL? No, you speak to her as a person face to face or at least to hear your voice if you feel as badly as you claim. She deserves that much IMO.
Post # 7
Thanks you guys…I was expecting a response like “you are so insensitive! what were you thinking?”
I don’t live in the same country as D! But some of my best friends are mutual friends of ours.
I am definitely going to email her and explain that the guest list has just been impossible and that if I could remove some of these relatives I would have loved to have her there.
Should I also tell her she is welcome to come to the shower if she wants? Or is that a no-no?
Post # 8
@vmec: We live in different countries but yes I could call her. I thought a letter form would be easier for me to express everything well and thoroughly because sometimes over the phone when two people are talking you can forget to cover everything you want to say.
Post # 9
It’s not your fault, it was a mistake but you didn’t mean it. Good luck.
Post # 10
In your friend’s posistion, I would likely have assumed I was invited as well, so an apology is a good idea. But don’t invite her to the shower if she is not invited to the wedding.
Post # 11
I think any form of apology is a good idea at this point. I don’t believe you meant to hurt her feelings but with your history I can understand how she thought she would be invited.
And, to be honest, if you are inviting like 300ppl inviting one more wouldn’t be that big if a deal IMO but at this point I’m sure she would see it as a pity invite and no one wants those.
Post # 12
Or you could just invite her. She sounds as if she is really interested in your life and wedding plans. What more could you ask of a friend.
Post # 13
UPDATE: I emailed D and she was very nice about it. She actually said there was no reason to apologize and that she totally understood. She also said she assumed I was having a huge wedding like my family members usually do and didnt know I had to be strict with the guest list. She also said she shouldnt have assumed.
I think Judy made it sound like she was a lot more hurt than she actually was.
I definitely should have made it a point to avoid talking wedding details with her though- I’ve learned my lesson!
@Oneeleven: I know 300 sounds like a huge wedding to a lot of people, but in my circle it’s not. It’s extremely small. For Fiance and I to limit our respective lists to 150 each is nearly impossible with our huge families.
There are a LOT of people we could add that are a lot closer to us than D is- 300 is the limit and we have had to cut many people that were very difficult to remove from the list.
Adding just one more is not an option because we are already at capacity at our venue.
Post # 14
Wouldnt she have to come to Greece just for the shower? It’s not very practical and I think I have read that anyone who is invited to the shower needs to be invited to the wedding.
Post # 15
@ThePrincessMaggie: My shower will be in the States. I decided not to invite her to the shower because I realize it is inappropriate since she won’t be invited to the wedding.
Post # 16
As I am very chatty I could so see myself making the same mistake. I too would feel terrible. I am glad she was so understanding. I am praying I don’t make the same mistake. I very likely will!