(Closed) I really screwed up :(

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Please don’t feel like it is your problem to deal with the birth control.  It is his problem too, just because you are on the pill doesn’t take away his responsibility in the situation.  Honestly, I’m not comfortable with any of the other forms of BC other than condoms.  The failure rate is too high on them for me to risk it personally.

Post # 4
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Give him some time. You can’t undo it, and don’t apologize too much–he’ll just get frustrated.

Have a talk with him, but just one.


Great thing about men (in this case–usually it’s a downside) they have very short memories. Talk to him once, and then you’re ok. Don’t worry.

Post # 5
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’d really try not to worry about it!  It’s not like you knew he would react to it and did it anyways (you based your decision off of something you’d previously used successfully).  I’m sure he is telling the truth when he says he isn’t mad; he knows it was an accident.

Post # 6
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@pisces36:Let it go please don’t bring it up anymore. It was a freak accident, there is no need to blame anyone.

Post # 7
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

yep. i agree with @Mrs.KMM: it’s not like you knew he would have a bad reaction. i wouldn’t get too hung up on this. 

Post # 8
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with the other posters that this is definitely not your fault however, you should not be ashamed to discuss any problems with your partner.  

I used to get really irritated with condoms as well and I hated using them because I kept getting reactions from them.  When my Fiance and I decided that it was time to go off BCP I was so afraid to use condoms because of the way I used to react to them.  We found ones that are not latex and we are both totally fine with them.  One is called Bare and one is called Skyn and they are made out of polyurethane.  You can try those also.

Good luck and I hope he is feeling better.

Post # 9
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

He’s getting sex. He won’t stay mad for long! Wink

Post # 10
299 posts
Helper bee

Fiance and I made a drunken mistake a few years back, where one of us grabbed warming massage oil and thought it was lube.  It resulted in both of us running to the bathroom screaming in pain.

In hindsight, it’s hilarious.  We both got over it within a day, and I’m sure you guys will as well.  It was an accident, it wasn’t intentional, and I think that bringing in emotions about lying is only going to complicate things!  I wouldn’t worry.

Post # 11
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@pisces36: first off, don’t bring it up!  and leave the past in the past. 

secondly, you said for him to not worry about it and you’d take care of it.  That wasn’t a lie or even misleading.  If HE didn’t ask the questions of how, that was HIS fault.  Yeah, you could’ve told him, but what’s the likelyhood he would’ve said “no”?  Especially if it’s something you two HAD been using?

Also, I agree with the others, he’s as much responsible for birth control as you.  It takes two to tango and leaving it up only to one or the other isn’t the best idea since there’s ALWAYS a .1% chance the birth control pill won’t work, the condom will break, the spermacide won’t be successful.  (My Fiance and I know a couple who have 8 kids and could name each one after one type of birth control or another because they all failed eventually.)

You kept your word, so he has no right to be angry with you. 🙂

Post # 12
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@pisces36: Yes  my SO and I both have had problems with the spermicide, I used to use this stuff called Delfin and they took it off the market ( dont know why ? It was great) so I bought this other stuff and used it and it burned him so bad and gave both of us major problems. So we didnt have sex for almost 2 weeks because of the stuff, but I felt absolutly terrible because I was the one who bought it and picked it out. That was back when I was on the pill, now I have the copper I.U.D.

Post # 13
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

i second the skyn condoms.  they are much better than latex condoms.

Post # 14
10 posts
  • Wedding: June 2011

@pisces36: Aw, don’t be so hard on yourself – it wasn’t like you KNEW it would cause him pain! Besides, it is just as much his responsibility as yours to prevent baby-making 😉

Post # 14
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Birth Control is not just your responsibility, ever. 

The topic ‘I really screwed up :(’ is closed to new replies.

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