Post # 1
I have this friend who I met 2 years ago, she kept talking to me about my wedding and offering to help me with everything. I started to feel like she was hinting that she wanted to be in the wedding. She would make remarks like “I’m her MOH” to other friends, “it isn’t too late to make me your Maid/Matron of Honor.” At that point I felt that if I was going to use her help I should make her a bridesmaid. So that’s what I did but now I’m regretting it. She is my 5th bridesmaid and my fiance is only having 4 groomsmen. We all went to look at dresses and she complained about every single one. When the other 4 girls and I decided on a dress we all loved (price is $136) she said it was too much money. She keeps sending me links to shady websites because the dresses are cheap. I’m feeling really stressed about this and I have been doing everything to find a cheaper dress but even a $100 dress is too much for her. I wish I could pay for it but we’re having a wedding on a budget. I feel like I am being reasonable, I told the girls they could wear any shoes they want, they dont have to get their makeup or hair done professionally, and I’m not expecting them to throw me a bridal shower or bachelorette. Also, the day after we went to look at dresses she started to talk about the other girls. She has a bad attitude and bad temper. I don’t know what to do! Should I ask her to step down?
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Post # 2
I think you have two choices. Either offer to chip in for her dress or apologize if the cost is out of her budget and say you will understand if she wants to step down because of budget concerns.
Post # 3
If she was so eager to be your bridesmaid, she needs to bite the bullet and pay for her dress. $136 is not expensive. In fact, it’s a pretty reasonable price! If your other (first choice!) bridesmaids can agree so easily, maybe this can be your out?
“I’m sorry ___________ but as there are so many bridesmaids, I don’t think we’ll find anything that everyone will agree on. I’m going to have to make an executive decision here and go with the majority. If you don’t feel you can commit to this, it doesn’t make you any less of a friend. I still want you to be a part of my wedding and would love you to do a reading/usher/do a flag dance if you don’t want the full responsibility of being a bridesmaid”….
I don’t think you should have asked her in the first place, not with the reasons you gave us, so I don’t think you should now have to bend over backwards for her now she is choosing to be difficult.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t back down about the dress. Sounds like she’s not that close of a friend? Like PP I’d just explain that it’s majority rule, and if she feels like the dress is too much there would be no hard feelings if she just attended as a guest. Don’t feel bad about $136, I think that’s really reasonable in the scheme of bridesmaids’ dresses.
Post # 5
Tell her that this is the dress everyone agreed on, and the cost is more than reasonable ($136 is great, wow). I agree with the PP who said that you could say to her that if she still can’t afford it, you will understand, that makes it her stepping down. Not sure why she is arguing with you, and now sending you these links? As if you asked?
Post # 6
I would use this as your excuse for why she can’t be a bridesmaid.
Post # 7
I would let her know that is the dress you’re going with and you totally understand if the cost is too much and she has to step down as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Sorry but – everyone knows being a Bridesmaid or Best Man comes with some costs – the most important one – the dress!
Post # 8
Agree with PPs here. Just explain politely that you have to do what works for the majority of the group, which is get that dress. Say you’ll be sorry if the expense means she will be unable to be your bridesmaid but you’d love for her to be a part in another way.
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2015 - Dreams Las Mareas - Costa Rica
Great advice from everyone! let her make the decision to not be a Bridesmaid or Best Man anymore… then its not on you
Post # 10
I agree with PP advice. You could also just help pay for half the dress. I’m also here to say that, while I love my bridal party, they did also cause some very stressful situations for me that could have been avoided if I didn’t have a bridal party at all. The bridesmaids are something about weddings that come with both pros and cons, unfortunately. I’m sorry you’re stressed about this! Don’t worry too much and just pick a solution and stick with it. It’ll all be forgotten on your wedding day.
Post # 11
Thank you everyone for the advice! 🙂
Post # 12
I paid $145 for a short dress 6 years ago for my sister’s wedding. $136 is a great price in 2015!! Agree with the first poster. Stick to your guns. Also give her a timeline – I need you to buy it/order it by this date, if you can’t by then I understand.