(Closed) I regret asking a friend to be a bridesmaid

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
13628 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I think you have two choices. Either offer to chip in for her dress or apologize if the cost is out of her budget and say you will understand if she wants to step down because of budget concerns. 

Post # 3
80 posts
Worker bee

If she was so eager to be your bridesmaid, she needs to bite the bullet and pay for her dress. $136 is not expensive. In fact, it’s a pretty reasonable price! If your other (first choice!) bridesmaids can agree so easily, maybe this can be your out?

“I’m sorry ___________ but as there are so many bridesmaids, I don’t think we’ll find anything that everyone will agree on. I’m going to have to make an executive decision here and go with the majority. If you don’t feel you can commit to this, it doesn’t make you any less of a friend. I still want you to be a part of my wedding and would love you to do a reading/usher/do a flag dance if you don’t want the full responsibility of being a bridesmaid”….

I don’t think you should have asked her in the first place, not with the reasons you gave us, so I don’t think you should now have to bend over backwards for her now she is choosing to be difficult.

Post # 4
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I wouldn’t back down about the dress. Sounds like she’s not that close of a friend? Like PP I’d just explain that it’s majority rule, and if she feels like the dress is too much there would be no hard feelings if she just attended as a guest. Don’t feel bad about $136, I think that’s really reasonable in the scheme of bridesmaids’ dresses. 

Post # 5
683 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Tell her that this is the dress everyone agreed on, and the cost is more than reasonable ($136 is great, wow).  I agree with the PP who said that you could say to her that if she still can’t afford it, you will understand, that makes it her stepping down.  Not sure why she is arguing with you, and now sending you these links?  As if you asked?

Post # 6
5985 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
mrstg:  I would use this as your excuse for why she can’t be a bridesmaid.  

Post # 7
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would let her know that is the dress you’re going with and you totally understand if the cost is too much and she has to step down as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Sorry but – everyone knows being a Bridesmaid or Best Man comes with some costs – the most important one – the dress! 

Post # 8
1388 posts
Bumble bee

Agree with PPs here. Just explain politely that you have to do what works for the majority of the group, which is get that dress. Say you’ll be sorry if the expense means she will be unable to be your bridesmaid but you’d love for her to be a part in another way. 

Post # 9
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Dreams Las Mareas - Costa Rica

Great advice from everyone!  let her make the decision to not be a Bridesmaid or Best Man anymore… then its not on you

Post # 10
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I agree with PP advice. You could also just help pay for half the dress. I’m also here to say that, while I love my bridal party, they did also cause some very stressful situations for me that could have been avoided if I didn’t have a bridal party at all. The bridesmaids are something about weddings that come with both pros and cons, unfortunately. I’m sorry you’re stressed about this!  Don’t worry too much and just pick a solution and stick with it.  It’ll all be forgotten on your wedding day.

Post # 12
1295 posts
Bumble bee

I paid $145 for a short dress 6 years ago for my sister’s wedding.  $136 is a great price in 2015!!  Agree with the first poster.  Stick to your guns.  Also give her a timeline – I need you to buy it/order it by this date, if you can’t by then I understand.  

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