(Closed) I regret changing my name!! AAAAHHH

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I felt weird when I changed mine too.  I actually like my maiden name more than my married name, but unlike you my hubby was totally not okay with me keeping my maiden or hyphenating it.  🙁

 

All I can say is, maybe give it some time?  Mine grew on me eventually…  But I also know a lot of successful women choose not to change their names, so it’s up to you.

Post # 4
Member
1113 posts
Bumble bee

@luxed:  I’m not looking forward to changing my last name in a few months. 🙁 Fiance really wants me to change it and I want to respect his wish as symbolic of joining his lovely family. But I really like my current last name!!!

Post # 6
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Before I got engaged, I didn’t understand the women who didn’t change their name and I thought I couldn’t wait to change mine.  Now that I’m facing that reality, I feel like changing my name IS, in a way, changing part of my identity.  That has been my NAME for nearly 30 years… it’s no small thing to change that.  That’s HUGE.  And my last name right now is simple and easy.  My new last name is long, french, and I’ll ALWAYS have to spell it out for people. 

I’m a teacher so I go by Miss. ______, and am used to hearing my last name repeatedly on a daily basis.  I’ve been having a lot of trouble with the notion of changing my name too. 

I think it’s ok to keep your name if that’s what you decide.  I have another 18 months before I get married to figure out what I want to do.  I might just wait til we have kids before I do it.

The thing that sways me towards changing it is that I want to share the same name as my children, and I do feel (for myself personally) that maybe not changing my name is symbolic of me not giving my 100%… I figure, just do it when you’re ready, not when you feel like you HAVE to

Post # 7
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

you have lots of options. You can hyphenate, keep your maiden name as a middle name, go back to your maiden name… You could even take HIS name as a middle name. Give it some time, try a few things out. You can even take his name legally, but still use your maiden name socially and at work. 

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO @MrsPhilly:  I see you are Canadian… in truth we have more choices than a lot of other women the world over… (AMEN)

Besides changing your name, keeping your name, or hyphenating your name… you also have the option of changing your name altogether to something else.

In your situation…

You might want to consider to just continue to be Miss (or Mrs) MaidenName professionally… if that is what you are used to / like (and perhaps easier for your Students to pronounce / spell etc).  And take your Hubby’s name either socially or legally.

The choice really is yours.

Lol… I personally know women who have 3 or 4 names they go by.  One professionally, another legally, and a third socially… ie to match the kiddies & Hubby’s last names.  (then there are the Actors & Writers who may have a 4th that they go by in their careeers… Stage Names, and Nom de Plumes).

Sooo nice to have so many options, IMO

 

Post # 10
Member
1431 posts
Bumble bee

@ReyDar64:  I think you should just give it some time and see how your feel. I always liked my maiden name but was excited to have the same last name as my husband. But when I changed it, it did feel a little weird and sad at first, I mean how could it not? but I got use to it and I love sharing the same last name as my husband now. If you still feel this way after some time then I don’t see anything wrong with changing it back if your husband is ok with it as well. I am not sure on the process of doing that though.

Post # 12
Member
1431 posts
Bumble bee

@ReyDar64:  I think because your friend changed her name out of pressure, not out of wanting to is why she feels the way she does. You did want to change it so I think you are just in the phase were it feels weird and wait to see if it passes like mine did. I don’t know why the accomplishments would mean any less with a new last name? How often do you really look at your degrees? I don’t even know where my nursing degree is! ha. Honestly I think you will feel better over time but if not, no big deal just change it back! Nothing is permanent.

Post # 13
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ladies,

Question for all you undecideds…

Maybe I’m missing something…

BUT what is the rush ?

Ok maybe it is just me… but can’t you all ease into the transition… get used to the idea of being married for a time etc.

Try a name on for size as it be

I mean, technically you haven’t gone thru the name change process… until you actually submit your Marriage Certificate to the authorities and request the change.

(Marriage Certificate arrived here in the post about a month ago)

As of today, I haven’t changed over anything as of yet.  Although I’ve been using my Married Name socially now for a long time (in some circles even before Mr TTR and I were married because it was easier than going thru a long drawn out explanation of we are not married… when you are 50+ and 60+ people just naturally assume that you are)

As it stands right now… I’m thinking maybe I won’t do the name change over all at once… just as each piece of my ID comes up for renewal over the next 6 months to a year…

I mean, to me at least it makes no sense to pay twice for stuff *

(In that in Canada we have no FREE ride for name changes to our ID… example, if you change your Passport to a NEW Name, then you pay full freight for a NEW Passport… and well quite frankly, I just dished out the $ 100 a couple of months ago… so not particularly keen to do that again so soon)

 

Post # 14
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@This Time Round:  The rush for some people is a deadline. Here in Ontario you have, if I recall correctly – 6 months after the wedding to do it or not do it. After that it has to be done as a legal name change the same as if you were changing your first name. A lot more hassel and money.

 

@ReyDar64:  I felt pretty torn about giving up my maiden name too. My maiden name is really cool and unique and his name is kinda… blah. Eventually it grew on me, but I still miss my old name sometimes. I changed everything at once, and I think that helped me because once I was in with both feet and heard people using it all the time it got normal faster. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you end up happy with your decision.

Post # 15
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO @bunnymama: Thanks for your post. 

Now you got me thinking about how long other Jurisdictions give their residents (suppose that could account for some of the rush)

Anyhow… I looked things up for Ontario… and as I thought, we really have no true deadline.

But there is a $ 25 Fee if you do it after 90 Days

 http://www.ontario.ca/government/changing-your-last-name-just-married

 

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