(Closed) I regret sending some people a save the date

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Franciscan Gardens

Ugh- I feel this way too! Unfortunately- you just have to send them an invite 🙁

Post # 4
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I only sent STD’s to very close family and friends for this reason.

Post # 5
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My fiance’s neice, her husband and their kids. I thought I had to invite but NOW he tells me I could have left her off. Grrrr. She’s such a pain.

Post # 6
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yep. Totally know how you feel. There are several people that I wish I could undo.

Post # 7
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

I hear this over and over. Save The Date cards were a brilliant inovation on the part of the Wedding Industry for increasing their profits, but they were a very bad idea for most brides.

What happens is, in the initial excitement of planning, before budgets are set and venues investigated and family politics negotiated; the engaged couple are encouraged to get a cute card printed (more profit for the commercial printers who serve the wedding industry) and send it to ALL their friends and family.

It isn’t until later, when they find out that their dream venue will accomodate only so many, or that their parents are contributing only so much, or that catered dinners are so much more per person than they had ever dreamed, or that some of their friends are more jealous of their upcoming nuptials than supportive, that the couple realizes they are stuck with a bigger affaire than they might wish. But thanks to those early Save-The-Date Cards, stuck they are.

I am a much bigger fan of letting important out-of-town guests know the date, with a personal handwritten note, email or phone call; and letting everyone else wait for the invitations to come out and either come or not, as their schedules and lives allow.

Post # 8
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@aspasia475: I only sent Save the dates to any family that lives more than 2 hours away. The other thing is that we are getting married on a Thursday night so incase they wanted to be there they could make the arrangements. The neice falls in the 3.5 hour range.  Oh! And I out-smarted Mr. Wedding Industry by printing my own save the dates. Ha!

Post # 9
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@aspasia475: Extremely well said! I completely agree. Thanks for posting. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You don’t HAVE to do anything! Just because you sent an STD doesn’t mean you HAVE to send an invite.  Send an announcement instead.

Screw ettiquite!  Tell her to pay for your wedding Laughing

Post # 11
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

I will be sending Save-The-Date Cards to everyone on my gueslist.. mostly because we are having a Destination Wedding in Colorado. There are a couple family members I am questioning sending Save-The-Date Cards and invites to though.. this post doesn’t make it any easier to do the “right” thing. 

Post # 12
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Aww sorry hun, but I wouldn’t take it too personally if some people aren’t jumping up and down and posting all over FB that they got your STD. Some people (if you can believe it) just don’t get all that excited about weddingy things. I’m sure they’re still happy for you.

Post # 13
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@weddingdiva-in-training: Totally agree!  

Who the hell says what I can and cannot do? What exactly is going to happen if you don’t invite someone who you did send a Save the Date to?  NOTHING.  If you don’t want them at your wedding, then will there really be any hard feelings?  I sent a Save the Date to a person who was a very close friend for many years.  I will most likely not be inviting her to my wedding because we’ve since parted ways.  I think it would be WEIRDER to invite her since we don’t speak anymore, than to waste an invitation on her when I know she wouldn’t come anyway.

There comes a point where you need to forget about “etiquette” and do what makes SENSE.  Seriously.  Not everyone puts the Save the Date up on the fridge and watches the calendar and the mailbox like a fiend.  

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