I regret the money I spent on my wedding.

posted 3 months ago in Emotional
Post # 16
2484 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree that this view is very helpful for present and future brides.  It’s important to see the other side and not the puppies and rainbows side that we typically see.


Post # 17
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I am going to be the counterpoint here.

Hubs and I got married at the courthouse (due to illness in the family) a year before our “real” date. Once our real date rolled around, it didn’t seem like a priority to plan a big reception since we were already married. 

Here I am, over 5 years later, and I regret not having a big wedding. I didn’t get to wear an actual wedding dress. I didn’t get to have my hair/make up done. I wasn’t treated like a bride (I didn’t have a shower or a bachelorette party).

Sometimes, I think it would have been better to have gone all out and had a memorable day than a forgettable one like I had.

Post # 19
5239 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

My dad paid for our wedding, then he lost his job five months later. If I allowed myself to, guilt would have eaten me alive. I would have beaten myself up over it.

What would hating myself for it accomplish? It wouldn’t give my dad his money back, it wouldn’t get him his job back, and if we were somehow able to pay him back, he would never have accepted it.

What’s done is done, all you can do is move forward

Post # 20
7464 posts
Busy Beekeeper

TheMrsTulip :  the grass will always be greener on the other side! I think your point drives home that everyone really needs to do what they want (and can afford, obviously) and not be too influenced by other people. My husband and I had some pushback from his family on the wedding we were planning and we’re so glad we didn’t give in. Our wedding was perfect FOR US so it didn’t feel like a waste of money. If I had done half the crap his mom wanted it would have sucked. 

Post # 23
6746 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

missmollybee :  “I am a people pleaser and have a hard time with boundaries- it was a struggle.”

I think it’s good that you recognize this and it should be something that you work on going forward. You’re never going to be able to please everyone, nor should you. I don’t know if you and your husband plan to have children of your own but, if you are, you’ll notice that this will become even more of an impossibility. Better to work on boundaries NOW. Start putting yourself first Bee. You deserve it. 

Post # 24
1738 posts
Bumble bee

Hmmm, I guess I’m the opposite. We spent close to $50k on our wedding and we don’t regret it. We could afford it and it was what we wanted. Are you upset about spending the money itself or the reasons behind why you spent the money?

Post # 25
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

Thank you for sharing your story. I can most certainly relate with the pressures and expectations of putting on a big show for everyone else. I think the most important part of all this is that you appreciate a marriage for what it’s for, you and the spouse. Don’t feel bad about your wedding. I am certain if the blizzard hadn’t happened you wouldn’t be feeling this way. Spending money is always an inherent risk. 

Post # 26
2012 posts
Buzzing bee

I feel like our wedding was kind of a waste of money too and similar to you I sort of always knew I would feel that way but have a large family and wanted something traditional for everyone to attend.  But I’ve been married almost three years now and I can tell you that it doesn’t bother me either way anymore kind of an, “oh well!”.

Post # 27
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Aw bee I’m so sorry 🙁 No bride ever deserves to have these feelings. I’m so glad you posted this because it’s a good warning to brides who get tunnel vision and spend money needlessly. I can’t imagine being in your shoes 🙁

We are still on budget and nothing is going to go on credit cards, but thinking about the amount of money we’ve spent CAN be depressing! I was just looking at the budget this morning and sighing – it really does make a heart heavy! 

But…you’re married now! I’m sure your guests had the time of their lives, and maybe you can put some savings aside every month in order to go on a small honeymoon next year! Don’t you think for one second that just because you can’t afford it, you don’t deserve it. You deserve everything 🙂 Congratulations! 

Post # 28
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

missmollybee :  This is literally what you wrote:

“have a “traditional” wedding as it’s both of our first marriages, first kids in the fam to get married,etc  and it just turned into a circus.”  That is where you insinuate that there may be more marriages to come.  I am no tbashing you I am simply stating that you worded your post to sound very awful.  I understand that you realize that you were irresponsible, but now how are you going to explain to your guests that gifted you items through the honeyfund that you used the money to pay off the wedding and not what the gift was intended for?

Post # 29
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Although I didn’t pay for my wedding, ugh I feel you. It is nice to not worry about the financial aspect of it but it was stressful going the budget friendly route because I knew my parents were pretty strapped for cash. I know it’s a little contradictory but my mom wanted the best of everything and half the time my husband and I would roll with it because we told ourselves through the whole process “Nothing else matters as long as we get married and have a good time” and guess what we did.

TBH – I can count on one hand the amount of people who complimented or commented on our decorations or the “fluffy” wedding day stuff which makes me glad that a shit ton of money wasn’t spent there. The majority of our guests said they had a blast just dancing the entire night and talking and having a party, it was the EXPERIENCE that they loved being a part of and we liked that too.

Keep preaching this story bee. You’ll move past it. After our wedding, I wish we had just eloped honestly because Darling Husband and I said that as long as the two of us were there (and a few select family members) we didn’t care if we got married in an alleyway.  

Post # 30
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020 - City, State

I’m so sorry you are feeling blue about it, but you’ll likely feel better, maybe even as soon as when you start to enjoy looking back on photos. And I want to thank you so much for posting this helpful post. It resonates with me in a huge way. Hugs to you!

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