- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
As many of us not yet engaged ladies are, I was very anxious to get my ring after almost a year and a half of dating and 8 months spent living together. My boyfriend and I made a few different trips to look at rings, and I had studied them online in search of the perfect one. We had narrowed the results down to 2 different rings at Jared: One was Scott Kay that I really loved and one was Neil Lane (my 2nd choice). The setting from Scott Kay was a halo style and I told my boyfriend I wanted a .75 center stone. That “final two” choice was made about 2 weeks ago.
Soo… My birthday was two days ago! I thought that I might be getting the ring then. Got a great Coach clutch, candles, and this big mirror for our dining room I had been wanting for months. I knew my boyfriend spent a lot, so I knew the ring wasn’t coming that day. Without my boyfriend knowing, I had a little cry session on the phone with my mom about how I was disappointed bc I thought the ring might have been coming. (Keep in mind I cry easily..coming off BC bc I think it makes me even worse, but just recently went off..anyhow!) I then took a shower, got dressed and my boyfriend didn’t know I was upset.
Later that night, we had dinner at our place since we had a big wkend out the wkend before to celebrate my birthday. I guess I was kind of quiet all night although I tried not to be. Finally my eyes started to get a little moist and my boyfriend saw. He insisted I tell him what was wrong. After a few mins of probing I said “I just thought that maybe my gift was a ring.” This created an arguement that is probably not that uncommon with girls who are ready and guys who haven’t proposed yet.
After a little bit I calmed down, my grandparents called to wish me a happy birthday from 3 states away and I was fine! Right after that phone call my boyfriend pulls me into our bedroom and has me just cuddle on the bed. He looks into my eyes and says “I love you very much and know that I want to be with you forever” and gets out THE RING. Beautiful Scott Kay setting I wanted only with a .9 carat diamond. I was in shock. BUT… I could tell right after he did it, he felt so awkward. It was like 9:45 at night, we were in our pjs, my hair was a mess, face puffy from crying. I called my mom and texted her a picture, but he didn’t call anyone. I could tell something wasn’t right. We went to bed that night and he layed there saying “I just always pictured it so much better”. That broke my heart.
You have to know my boyfriend, he’s a successful 25 year old in business, a perfectionist. I knew he had such bigger plans in mind for our engagement. He let himself down.
We went to bed and I woke up at 4am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I woke him too. The whole thing just didn’t feel right (NOT bc we didn’t want to be together..but bc I knew the proposal was done on a whim bc I was upset.) We talked about it and I said I cannot live with the guilt of you not getting to do your proposal and looking back on this night as it. He admitted he was so embarassed and ashamed that he asked me that way and said it was impulsive and that he didn’t know what he was thinking. I’ll tell u..I know what he was thinking…That he was trying to make ME happy!
I said lets just redo this some other time, we haven’t told anyone but my parents and they know that I was crying bc I didn’t get my ring and they’d understand that he wanted to do it right. My boyfriend was so worried that they’d judge him and thought there was no option of a redo bc it’s a once in a lifetime thing (a proposal). Well after awhile I finally convinced him that I couldn’t take the ring under theese circumstances and I was so so sooo sorry I ruined his proposal (He always said i would ruin it if I kept nagging).
I took the ring off. The next morning he left for work and I got a text message about how sorry he was and how ashamed he was bc it was nothing special. He said in his wildest dreams he never thought he’d be such a failure at the proposal. I told him how it was my fault and he loved me so much he was just trying to make me happy.
I think now he feels the pressure to something exceptional. And he and I both feel dumb bc who gets engaged to the same person twice ? But that’s us.. unconventional. And that’s me: what can go wrong will. I ruined the proposal he wanted to do bc I was crying and wanting the ring so bad. I’m such a jerk!
So needless to say we have the ring locked away in our filing cabinet. I explained to my parents the situation and they seemed to understand, but my boyfriend is still MAJORLY beating himself up about it. He feels like what he hoped for all his life is ruined and that a proposal can only be done once. He said the next time won’t be special. I disagree, I say it will.
Any advice for us or similar stories. We cannot believe this happened.
And lesson ladies, be patient for your man and don’t push him and ruin things like I did.