(Closed) I ruined my proposal! Advice?

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

oh no, thats awful!!! its nice you didn’t tell anyone right away and now he has the chance to do it how he wants too. i wonder how long he will make you wait now… LOL 

happy waiting 🙂 

Post # 4
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I can understand where you’re coming from as I was also “gently nudging” as I like to call it.  I can remember several times I was upset as I thought it would have happened already and he always knew.  Mine was the same way and wanted everything to be perfect and the place he took me to was closing earlier so he didn’t have as much time as he wanted.  In the end though it doesn’t matter.  I know it feels like it does (and likely will for a little), but you’ll soon feel only happiness.  You’ll obviously remember what happened still, but the feelings you are both feeling now will fade over time.

Very happy to hear you’ll soon be engaged (again) and wishing you all the best!

Post # 5
Member
6247 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

I think you owe him a proposal this time.  Just kidding… kinda…

Anyways, please tell him not to beat himself up over it.  This will make a funny story sometime in the future when this all blows over and you two can giggle about it.

Post # 6
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I feel your pain! http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/bittersweet-1 I think it’s more common than we think, but that nagging feeling and guilt lingers for a while. Believe me…  But I got over it, and if you guys just focus on the good and not one “ruined” moment, you’ll get over it too! 🙂

 

Post # 7
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Well you only get one proposal and that was it.  It’s both of your faults.  You should have been more patient and not given him a guilt trip and he should have stood his ground and not caved because you were crying. 

Post # 8
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@tiki429:  but people get to have weddings & vow renewals & anniversary vow renewals?  I’m not buying that!

 

I think it’s OK to have a do-over if he wants to treat you out and plan something spectacular.  I have heard one good technique to use in arguments when things are getting too heated is to say, “Let’s stop and start this over.”  Life isn’t “perfect” and that’s OK.

Post # 9
Member
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t really get what was wrong with his proposal. It wasn’t a big dramatic thing, but it was heartfelt. 

I think proposals are overrated anyway… the point is that you both love each other and want to be together forever, right? Not that he pulled off some epic surprise rom-com proposal. Let him know that you’re just excited to be engaged and celebrating your life together.

Post # 9
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Honestly? My Fiance asked me the morning after a very serious discussion that did involve some crying and yelling. It was part of the outcome where we made the decisions of how our lives were going to continue together. I was emotionally spent. I hadn’t brushed my teeth or showered.

It wasn’t exactly a planned-out proposal or complicated. I got my ring a few months later, and you know what? He gave it to me to help me feel better after getting some really terrible awful news. It had just happened to come in that morning.

I think there’s a lot of pressure for a “perfect” proposal, or that “awww wonderful” story. But what’s really important is the actual commitment, you know? It’s just a step. Then there’s just a wedding. Then there’s the rest of your lives.

Post # 10
Member
221 posts
Helper bee

I agree with Anise on this point: “Life isn’t “perfect” and that’s OK.”

 

I have really enjoyed spending time on this and other wedding related websites, but I think that at times, there is harm that comes of our culture’s obsession with weddings. This is one of those times. You are going to spend your life with someone. A proposal is a request by one person to another, that you spend your lives together. That, in and of itself, is “spectacular”.

 

There are a couple of things that really bothered me about your post. Firstly you are clearly quite young. You haven’t given your age but your Boyfriend or Best Friend is 25, so assuming you fit into the same demographic that he does you are somewhere around this age. Secondly, you have been dating him for a year and a half. This is not a crazy amount of time. It’s not as if you have been together for six or seven years and you are now in your mid thirties and you really want to be married prior to starting a family. What are you in such a rush for? Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. We are so busy rushing to the next stage in life that we forget to enjoy the stage we are in and the people that we are sharing our lives with. Please promise me that as soon as you are married you are not going to be running to get pregnant and then running to have your child in the best pre-school or have the best car or have the best couch etc. etc. etc. My point is this is a race that can never be won.

 

I agree with BayStateBride why put this on him? You have already acknowledged that you have had a hand in this so far, so why not take control of your own life and plan a “spectacular” engagement night for him if you want a spectacular night. It sounds like you have a great guy on your hands. He just might be worth all the planning!! Make sure you tell him so!

Post # 11
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

my god boys are dumb.

if he had the ring and it was your birthday, why didn’t he just give it to you then? he must have known you’d be hoping/expecting it that day. or he should have held his ground and proposed later.

but that said, at this point it doesn’t matter. you’re enaged! enjoy it for the engagement not the proposal itself…

Post # 12
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My proposal was very simple, in the park kind of deal. And I loved it! I feel like some of the women on here make a big deal over getting married and put alot of pressure on their men. We very seldom taked about marriage, and I never put pressure on him. The man has to be ready too.

@tiki429:  And I agree with you!

Post # 13
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

@tiki429:  Have to agree with this.  After only a year and a half you should have been more patient. 

It is what it is and you can redo it if you want.  

Post # 14
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Although your proposal wasn’t want you two expected, it was still something you’ll never forget and it was the moment he decided (though on a whim I guess) to tell you he did want to spend the rest of his life with you… I wouldn’t ask for/need a redo-  but that’s just me

Post # 15
Member
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I almost did the same thing. About 3 weeks before my proposal, we were visiting with some friends at a bar and one woman started making rude remarks as to why he hasn’t popped teh question yet…and when we left I had a mini-breakdown in the car over it, not knowing that he had already asked my parents and that he had been making layaway paymnets on the ring for almost a year….and on my birthday the year before I thought i was getting my proposal but didnt….so my emotions got the better of me and I cried the whole way home….I’m actually lucky that night that I didn’t change his mind about it! He did propose on my birthday 3 weeks later and mentioned how hard I made it for him to act non-chelant about how upset I was after leaving the bar that night, how hard it was not to just say “here’s your ring!” when we got home that night and to move past that argument…but we did and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over what happend, as it’s a very emotional time in your life.

As for the proposal, if he didn’t say, will you marry me or will you be my wife, then the proposal sort of stopped when he said he wanted to be with you forever….in that case, I think you should do it over again, but together. I have seen this done with couples who had been planning to get married had picked otu their rings but had yet to become “formally engaged”. I know a very loving couple, who simply made a special date in a beuitiful park together, had a picnick and they made it official, he asked her if she would be his wife, be officially engaged to him…she said yes and she got to wear her ring that they picked out together. I thought it was lovely.

The topic ‘I ruined my proposal! Advice?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors