I ruined my whole proposal plan!!!

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 76
Member
7926 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Give him his “element of surprise” by walking away. You cried when he told you; that was “raw and real”. That would be the last reaction he’d be able to get out of me. 

Post # 77
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2021

OP, please keep in mind that other people may be saying that because you are letting HIM phrase how it all went down. You are even adopting that language yourself. So now he is in control of the narrative and your friends and family probably have only heard a very misleading/dishonest version of events. I DOUBT he told them

“Melanie started wonder I was going to propose on the trip she was paying for, adn then my friend confirmed it for her. I was so infurirated by this that I told her exactly I was goign to propose, but that I wouldn’t anymore as punishment for her figuring it out. She started crying but I didn’t care. Now I’m callign the whole thing off.”

But that’s not what he’s saying is it? That IS what you should be saying, because it’s the exact truth, but for some reason you’re not. You’re just letting him slander you instead. 

Post # 78
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2020

View original reply
dobby98 :  I completely get what you are saying. And I agree it would be a punishment in the birthday party scenario but from an engagement perspective it’s only a punishment if he holds it over her head, mocks her with it and such; not if he reschedules the proposal. But like I said myself and my fiancé both are very meticulous so I get his disappointment and I wouldn’t be surprised if my hubby to be wouldn’t have also changed course and done something different in the same event. He SHOULDN’T have blamed her for it not happening! Completely agree. He should have been more discrete. And who knows maybe him making a big deal about calling it off means he is going to still do it that week but needs to play it up and find a recourse – but then again many people on the forum are now saying he may not have had anything planned at all. I was mostly reacting to the comments I saw about them breaking up over this or her just flat walking away. Communication is HARD, will continue to be hard throughout a marriage and one conversation even if it caused tears, in my opinion, shouldn’t be the end of a relationship one has built over time; unless there are other problems or he makes her cry OFTEN or he does hold this over her head and is abusive about it. Then absolutely walk away, find someone better!

Post # 80
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee

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dlyn16 :  he could’ve still surprised her by proposing before the cruise at any point in time. There’s being crappy at communication, and then there’s being cruel and an ass. We shall agree to disagree on which category her SO falls under. 

Post # 81
Member
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

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dlyn16 :  Her BEST FRIEND, who I’m assuming is her boyfriend because otherwise why would she want to marry him, allowed her to CRY while he told her everything he was going to do on a birthday vacation she paid for.

Bee.  This is not normal.  I’ve never dated anyone who would allow me to cry about something they could do something to stop my misery.  Sure he’s allowed to be disappointed, but instead he punishes you, embarrasses you, and BLAMES you for being smart enough to figure it out?  What you’re not allowed to share things with people?  This is unconscionable.

Post # 82
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee

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Melanie6 :  if asking the love of his life to marry him doesn’t being a smile to his face then… that’s a problem, which I’m glad you acknowledge. 

Post # 83
Member
8015 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
Melanie6 :  So for him, HIS proposal story is the prize? When getting to marry the love of his life should be the prize? Seriously, how old is he? 

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