Post # 1
I feel so terrible. I have been with my boyfriend for over 7 years. We have definitely talked about getting married. We have a trip planned to a beautiful area this summer and i had a gut feeling that was going to be the time. Well yesterday we had a discussion and it came up as to how i thought he was going to propose. He asked and wanted to know what i thought. I was honest ( which i regret just this once) and told him i thought it was going to be at our up coming vacation. He looked like i just told him santa wasn’t real. He was so bumbed but then Tried to play it off. He said now nothing was a surprise. He wasn’t mad at me. Just that his perfect plan wasn’t going to work as a surprise any more. I feel so terrible. Sick to my stomach. That was my dream proposal and now the surprise element is completely gone. Am i the worst or what?
Post # 2
He asked, you responded. Proposing on vaction isn’t a revolutionary idea so I’m not sure what he expected. I honestly wouldn’t worry about this. Surprise or not, it will still be special. Mine wasn’t a surprise and it was still perfect.
Post # 3
misslynnyou : Don’t beat yourself up too much. Having adult conversations in a long term relationship is wonderful and to be expected. The downside is though if you talk about it, it’s hard for it to be a surprise (which I am sure he now realises). For what it is worth. I knew roughly when my proposal was coming and to be honest it was still amazing and special and just right for us. Try not to worry!
Post # 4
Your boyfriend’s being butthurt for no good reason. You’ve been together 7 years and have a big fancy trip coming up—it doesn’t take Einstein to think that a proposal might happen. Instead of beating yourself up about it, I’d be more annoyed that he’s acting like a big baby.
fwiw, I knew my proposal was around the corner bc he had the ring. I was also worried the surprise element was gone. But nope, when the time came, it was still so surprising and special. Just bc I knew it was coming didn’t mean I knew exactly how and where he was going to do it, what he was going to say, etc. I was silly for having worried.
Post # 5
How did you ruin it?
Was it going to end in marriage but now when he proposes it is going to be a duel to the death because you knew in advance? Was your family cursed many generations ago to strike down your first born child if your proposal isn’t a surprise?
As PP pointed out, proposals are not a new concept and neither is proposing on vacation. Will the proposal end in an engagement and eventually marriage? Then it was successful.
In the future, the both of you take this as a lesson that you shouldn’t ask questions you don’t really want the answer to or go fishing for info or engage in conversations about things you want as a surprise.
Post # 6
Total cr*p, but in one way, you are at least partly responsible for the nonsense, in that you didn’t relieve him of the necessity of feeling that he needed to plan a bloated semi phony “oh my goodness I’m SO SURPRISEDL extravaganza to do something that can be just as beautiful and elegant and, above all MEANINGFUL without a lot of gassy pretensions attached to it.
Are you thinking that a “surprise proposal” is an essential component to a happyeverafter married life? If so, you may find that the biggest surprise of all is that the most important beginning to a wonderful life together is the love that you SHARE. The goofy stuff can be LOTS OF FUN, but it IS NOT the CENTER of life and happiness in marriage, it’s the extra pixie dust, the SPICE, not the MEAT and POTATOES.
You have now BOTH officially done THE WORST, He- for thinking that “the proposal” had to either be glossy magazine “perfect” or conversely “ruined”, and YOU- because you bought into that version and decided that there’s only one way to have a DREAM (?) proposal.
Time for you BOTH to give up on your preconceived notions, give each other a reasonable number of “what’s REALLY important is how much we love each other” hugs and kisses, and move forward into the REAL romantic adventure!
Post # 7
annabananabee : This comment is hurtful to those of us whose families have in fact been cursed by wizards.
Post # 8
But seriously, I’m sure it can still be beautiful even if it’s anticipated.
Post # 9
this isn’t necessarily specific to you, but its so weird to me that so many women want to be blindsided by their proposal (but also expect it to be the pinterest-perfect moment of their dreams). honestly if i didn’t have a good idea when and how i was going to be proposed to i would probably have had a panic attack when my husband asked me to marry him, because i’m awesome that way. lol
he asked what you thought, and you answered. nothing is ruined. the man you want to marry is going to ask you to marry him, presumably in a way that he will have spent time and effort making awesome. its okay for you both to be a little crestfallen that the idea of an out-of-the-blue proposal is sort of blown now…but i think if you make clear to him that you’re still thrilled and excited about the prospect of the proposal he will perk up pretty quick. 🙂
Post # 10
To echo previous bees, WHY do so many men and women think that a good proposal must be a surprise?
Talk to your boyfriend and let him know the surprise isn’t what is important! What is important is that he ask you to spend the rest of your life with him.
Post # 11
he shouldn’t have asked then.
i knew the exact date of my proposal, i just didn’t know the how. it was still magical. knowing the date didn’t take away from it at all.
Post # 12
You didn’t ruin it in the slightest. Also he shouldn’t have asked if he didn’t want an answer.
If it makes you and him feel better, I would remind him that although you know it’s probably coming on your vacation, you have no idea HOW he is going to do it or exactly when. So those parts will still be a surprise, which honestly most people I know those were the only parts that were a true surprise. You’ll read a lot of proposal stories that start with “I had a feeling it was coming on this date/trip/event,” and then they’ll follow up with they didn’t know he’d do it exactly that way and it was such a sweet surprise and they were so happy. So a lot of people are in your situation where they have an idea of when it’s going to be but are still pleasantly surprised by the actual proposal and are just happy to be engaged.
So regardless it will be a very special time for you both and nothing at all is ruined!
Post # 13
You’re going on a major vacation, been together 7 years, discussed marriage, and know an engagement is forthcoming. There IS no surprise! Both of you need to move past wanting this big blowout surprise.
Post # 14
There’s an old saying: never ask questions you don’t want to hear the answers to.
If anyone is in the wrong here (and I don’t think anyone is), it’s him.
FWIW, I know within a 15 minute window when fiancé is going to “officially” propose (apparently he doesn’t want people to know he actually asked me in bed after having sex one day 😂). It’s not going to make the proposal any less special.
Post # 15
“Your boyfriend’s being butthurt for no good reason. You’ve been together 7 years and have a big fancy trip coming up—it doesn’t take Einstein to think that a proposal might happen. Instead of beating yourself up about it, I’d be more annoyed that he’s acting like a big baby.”
Exactly. I pretty much knew my Fiance was going to propose on our 5-year anniversary trip to London. Guess what? It was still a surprise and lovely.