(Closed) i ruined the proposal

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Sorry you had that experience. My advice is to stop talking to him about it. He knows what you want and pushing him isn’t going to help.

Post # 4
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Ditto what Noritake said… good advice 🙂

Post # 5
Member
30 posts
Newbee

Yeah i agree with noritake22, but if you can’t controll not talking about it you can do what my hopefully soon-to-be-fiance and I do. We leave one day out of a week or 2 weeks ( which for us it’s friday) when i can just blab my mouth away about weddings and what not and he picks a day when he can blab his mouth of on whatever he chooses and on these days we have to really listen to one another and it works. We listen to eachother more often now then just those two days and he won’t get upset with me talking about it and vise-versa.

Post # 6
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ditto Noritake.

I’d say just come to the WB and chat away here, it will help keep wedding talk out of your discussions with your SO.  If anything, maybe apologize to him about the pressure to share details/timelines, and reassure him that anything he plans will be special, and that you don’t intend to be asking about it again for a good long while. I think guys like reassurance when it comes to surprises and planning, especially if his original plan is out of the bag now. 

Post # 7
Member
30 posts
Newbee

I agree, i wouldn’t try to get an exact date out of him for then he will think he uined the surprise.

Post # 8
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I was pestering my fiance about proposing and actually picked a fight with him over “not being committed enough to our future”…the DAY he paid for the ring.  He didn’t tell me, but he got really upset and I took the cue to stop talking about it.  One month later – happy surprised proposal!

I agree with Noritake, you know he’s going to propose, just let him do it when he wants.  If you need to discuss it, call your mom/sister/girlfriend.  Getting engaged is supposed to be fun for him too.

Post # 9
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

This is exactly why I am not a fan of the “surprise proposal.”  Marriage should be discussed between both parties well before they become engaged, in my opinion.  It is a huge decision that a couple should talk over carefully before deciding on anything.  Then, if marriage is in the interest of both parties, a fun “surprise proposal” is perfectly appropriate.  The problem was that you two had never sat down and, like you said, discussed your personal timelines.  Your SO was more interested in surprising you with a romantic proposal, and you were more focused on discussing some very serious issues concerning your future.  If I were you, I would sit down with your SO and have a very serious chat about marriage.  Then, once you are both on the same page, your SO can plan the most fantastic surprise proposal ever, that is within a time frame that is acceptable to both of you.  Hope things turn out well for you!

Post # 10
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I hate to be the voice of dissent here, butif you have made it clear that you think it’s important to beengaged before moving in together and his only response is “Stop talking about it” I think he was in the wrong, not you.

You were understandably concerned that he didn’t realize that this was of significant importance to you. His feelings might be hurt now, but you didn’t “push” him or do anything wrong. Instead of saying “Don’t talk about it” which could mean anything, he needs to communicate with you better. I think a better response would have been “I understand how you feel and I know how this is important to you.” So you would at least know he was hearing you.

And I think that you need to tlak to him, and apologize that his feelings are hurt/plans were interrupted and tell him that you were feeling the same prior to him telling you his plans. And let him know that you are still excited to get engaged and can wait patiently for him to plan, since you know he is seriously thinking about it too.

Post # 11
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Awww, your post is so sad but this is happy news. So try to smile and say “oops” and let him figure out another plan. I totally know why you did it and I probably would have reacted the same way. He can surprise you in any number of ways !

Post # 12
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

This is why you shouldn’t push men. I hope others who are waiting learn from this. Let your man do it on his own time otherwise you might just spoil it for you both.

Post # 13
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I agree with @Miss Peach Tree:   you had a deadline that you weren’t willing to go past (moving in togther) and were trying to communicate that with him.  I don’t think he should have made you feel guilty for that.  If anything, he should have realized that his surprise proposal wasn’t right for you.  But, at least now you know that you were on the same timeline (and still are).  You didn’t ruin anything.

Post # 14
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@kris123: So sorry. My advice is to just stop talking to him about. It comes off as nagging. When men have a plan, they have a plan. You want a nice proposal and not a STFU ring. If you know you are on the same page and he is going to do it, leave it at that. You don’t need to ask him every single day if he has the ring.

Post # 15
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think you should feel bad either.  If you hadn’t brought it up, and he hadn’t proposed, and you posted after 6 months or a year living together, people would ask why you didn’t bring it up!

What you did is smart.

How he handled it was not ideal.  He could have just looked you in the eye and say “HEY.  KRIS.  SHHH.  It’s coming, and it’s going to blow your mind.  Don’t ruin it.”  A la Pam + Jim.  Haha.  That would have been enough of a promise for you to move forward with the move, while stronly hinting to STOPIT!

So don’t sweat it.  Now he gets to come up with a new plan, which is fine.

Post # 16
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@tarlonda: God I love Jim Halpert.  If he were a real person and interested in me, my fiance would be in serious trouble…

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