I said i want to break up when I didn’t mean it

posted 11 months ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
1255 posts
Bumble bee

You shouldn’t have told him you wanted to break up.  That’s not a playful thing to say.  That’s childish and rude.  You’re sad because of something you did to yourself.  You just need to wait and if he comes back, great.  If not, you have to live with the consequesnces of acting like a child and trying to manipulate him into behaving the way you want.  You should honestly, be completely ashamed of yourself.

Post # 3
7261 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Sinem :  What you were doing – threatening to break up anytime you guys got into a fight, but not really meaning it – is a form of emotional abuse. It’s called “holding the relationship hostage.” It’s a horrible form of manipulation, and I’m happy that your boyfriend finally realized how toxic the relationship was and got himself out of it. Having been on the receiving end of that kind of bullshit in my last relationship, I want you to understand how awful what you’re doing really was. When someone threatens to break up, it immediately silences the other partner and prevents anything resembling a healthy resolution of the argument. It’s manipulative and cruel to pull that card.

My advice is to get yourself into some therapy so you can develop healthier ways of expressing yourself in the future. You’re never going to have a successful relationship if you keep behaving this way. 

Post # 4
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

How does it go….silly rabbit, tricks are for kids.

Move on and be an actual adult in your next relationship.  Learn how to communicate when you have an issue and learn how to resolve conflict like an adult.  You’ll find things go smoother that way.

Post # 5
14700 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Let him go and then do some growing up.  If you don’t mean it, don’t say it.  You shouldn’t have to mess with your partner and make him prove to you how much he wants you by having to test him like that.  That is not a sign of a healthy relatinoship imo.  And i say this as someone who was once in your shoes with an ex.  I have never felt the need to and wouldn’t dream of doing something like that to my husband.

Post # 6
3003 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

There’s nothing you can do. You can only cry wolf but so many times before it comes back to bite you in the butt. Take it as a lesson learned. Don’t use your relationship as a weapon against your partners. If you don’t want to break up, don’t threaten to do it.

Post # 8
3402 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

This happened to me once too… When I was in high school. It sounds like you need to do some maturing and learn how to better communicate when you’re disagreeing with someone. It was only a matter of time before he called your bluff. Let him be. This relationship sounds done to me, but if not, give him space to reconsider. In the meantime work on your communication skills. 

Post # 9
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

He’s probably glad the relationship is over, you are immature and manipulative! 

Post # 10
581 posts
Busy bee

This is what silly immature tactics lead to. Your ex-partner should count his lucky stars that he is away from such an emotionally manipulative relationship. Breaking up is the best thing to happen to both of you.

Post # 11
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

How old are you? I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume from both your approach to conflict and the way you write that you are very, very young. The fact is, even without the emotional abuse you’ve been regularly doling out, young relationships tend to end. Very few people end up marrying their first boyfriend or girlfriend. It could be a combination of boyfriend tiring of your manipulation, and the relationship running its course, or it could be mostly one or the other. Learn from your mistakes and give singlehood a try. And maybe, after you’re over the boyfriend so this is not seen as an attempt to lure him back, send him a letter or email apologizing for your behavior and say you now realize how unfair it was.

Post # 12
3602 posts
Sugar bee

Well, that tends to happen when you are a manipulative liar who uses breaking up to test people or as emotional blackmail.  He called your bluff and it sounds like he has had enough.

Take some time to heal and then do some soul-searching (possibly with the help of a therapist) as to why you feel the need to treat people you claim to love this way and make them pass tests.  Consider it a hard lesson learned that you shouldn’t manipulate people or say things you don’t mean.

Post # 13
5338 posts
Bee Keeper

Testing your boyfriends commitment by threatening him with a breakup is an incredibly immature thing to do.  In fact, I think making such threats is like poison to a relationship.  You are planting a seed for something you don’t wish to grow.  After a while, making the same threat over and over again I could see how it could lead someone to doubt the relationship and lose hope.

I hope you take this as a lesson learned. You got what you asked for.  In the future I suggest you don’t make threats or play games.

Post # 14
1195 posts
Bumble bee

You said you don’t know what to do, so my advice is admit that the relationship is over, and stop trying to contact your ex.

I encourage you to get therapy.

While you may not want to hear this, you have behaved in a very cruel and emotionally abusive way. You have been very immature. A therapist can help you determine what is missing from your life and sense of self that you would treat a loved one that way. You need to do some serious work on yourself before you start dating again.

I wish you good luck and hope you take the advice given from other posters here.

Post # 15
61 posts
Worker bee

I agree with others. You tried to play silly games and you lost. Move on and let him move on too.

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