(Closed) I said they could come but I changed my mind…

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3189 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you need to take responsibility for your mistake here, which is telling people they were invited when you didn’t really want them there, and invite them anyways. Some people will say that if you don’t want to be their friend anywaysthen it doesn’t matter, but it is still quite rude to tell people they’re invited to an event and to save the date, and then cut them from the guest list. And inviting Jack and not Dan would be even worse, then you’re putting Jack in an awkward position too.

Post # 4
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t think you should ever un-invite someone. I especially think you shouldn’t un-invite Dan and invite his brother. I have fairly traditional etiquette opinions…so that’s just me. Good luck figuring it out!

Post # 5
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree with the above responses. I would be really offended if I was in their shoes and wasn’t invited after being told I would be on the guest list. Sorry, but you should invite them. 

Post # 6
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

hey you..I know how you feel but you told them you would invite them so you are kind of stuck with keeping your word or being considered rude. I verbally invited some people I kinda wish I hadn’t. No school friends but some former co-workers who haven’t keep in touch with me since I got laid off last year….but I’m going to keep my word because 1) I attended some of their weddings 2) I dont’ have alot of girlfriends really so my bridal shower will be pretty slim without them 3) I don’t like to look like a jerk and It would be nice to see them again.

I put a hug mark on my guestlist next to the few people i already told I would send an invite to, so that I’m not tempted to cut them should the going get tough.

I have had a few people invite themselves and I’ve just rolled with it and either said nothing or confirmed I would invite them.  There’s only one person I verbally invited but now I’m thinking I am going to go ahead and shove my foot in my mouth because she’s the ex gf of FI’s friend and it could really start a war……though I had hoped to remain friends with her I think it’s best if I don’t.

good luck!


Post # 7
3993 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Are Amy and Dan tied together in any way? If not, I would say…invite Dan so you can invite Jack. But you don’t have to invite Amy. That is just me/how I would probably approach it. I definitely don’t think you can invite one sibling and not another (if you know them both, obviously.)

Your wedding is in more than a year; how often do you actually see these people? How often are you in contact? Was the comment made in passing or a “Save the Date!” type of conversation? All of those answers would affect what I think.

Post # 8
7086 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think that you have to invite them, you have already extended the invitation and that is the only kind thing to do.  How would you feel if someone had invited you, then recinded but invited your sister.  That would just be plain hurtful and I am sure that is not who you are.

Post # 10
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

You’re  assuming that these two people are actually going to come.  It’s easier to say no on an RSVP card than to a person’s face.  Invite them, more than likely they will decline.

Post # 12
98 posts
Worker bee

Invite who you want. I sent out STD to 100 ppl as thats who we were inviting. Something happened and our milk prices dropped (we are dairy farmers) and we had to cut our list down to 40. I sent out a letter explaining to ppl and EVERY single person sent a note back saying they completely understood.

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