Post # 1
This is fairly long, and i’ve even edited and cut bits out! However… I have two highschool friends that I am still friendly with but hardly ever see because I moved to a different city just after highschool finished. I’ll call them Amy and Dan.
My finace has met both of them once. He doesnt mind them but doesnt understand why I would want to invite them to the wedding because one, they never contact me unless I contact them first and two, he thinks Amys bf is a dick, and Im not going to lie, I cant stand him. Dan has a lovely gf but I hardly know her, my fiance has met her once.
I go in and out of wanting to invite them. I would love to see them again but if im being honest with myself, they arent close friends anymore. Just friends. However, in one of my “yes! invite them all!” moods, i did just that. I let them know the date and then said if they could keep the date open that would be great. They both said it would be great to come but now I really regret telling them!
Like I said before, they dont contact me unless I do so first. They both congratulated me on facebook when we got engaged. They are friendly enough but I dont think they care all that much?
Plot thickens a tinsy bit. My fiance and I met up with Dans brother (Jack) and his partner when we traveled to Europe. I was pretty good friends with Jack at highschool too. We had an awesome time with them and my fiance really got along with them. Jack did the awkward “Can we come to the wedding?” thing as he would be living back in NZL by then. Truth is, both my fiance and I would love Jack and his bf to come.
But could I invite Jack and not Dan? I was closer friends with Dan at school you see. Does that even matter? Lol! Am I being ridiculous? I just want to tell all of them that we have a change of plans and none of them can come, sugar coated of course. It is $200 a head after all! But i feel like that would be bad taste…
Im being silly arent I? Has anyone unofficially invited someone and then changed their mind? What were the non-guests reactions?
Post # 3
I think you need to take responsibility for your mistake here, which is telling people they were invited when you didn’t really want them there, and invite them anyways. Some people will say that if you don’t want to be their friend anywaysthen it doesn’t matter, but it is still quite rude to tell people they’re invited to an event and to save the date, and then cut them from the guest list. And inviting Jack and not Dan would be even worse, then you’re putting Jack in an awkward position too.
Post # 4
I don’t think you should ever un-invite someone. I especially think you shouldn’t un-invite Dan and invite his brother. I have fairly traditional etiquette opinions…so that’s just me. Good luck figuring it out!
Post # 5
I agree with the above responses. I would be really offended if I was in their shoes and wasn’t invited after being told I would be on the guest list. Sorry, but you should invite them.
Post # 6
hey you..I know how you feel but you told them you would invite them so you are kind of stuck with keeping your word or being considered rude. I verbally invited some people I kinda wish I hadn’t. No school friends but some former co-workers who haven’t keep in touch with me since I got laid off last year….but I’m going to keep my word because 1) I attended some of their weddings 2) I dont’ have alot of girlfriends really so my bridal shower will be pretty slim without them 3) I don’t like to look like a jerk and It would be nice to see them again.
I put a hug mark on my guestlist next to the few people i already told I would send an invite to, so that I’m not tempted to cut them should the going get tough.
I have had a few people invite themselves and I’ve just rolled with it and either said nothing or confirmed I would invite them. There’s only one person I verbally invited but now I’m thinking I am going to go ahead and shove my foot in my mouth because she’s the ex gf of FI’s friend and it could really start a war……though I had hoped to remain friends with her I think it’s best if I don’t.
Post # 7
Are Amy and Dan tied together in any way? If not, I would say…invite Dan so you can invite Jack. But you don’t have to invite Amy. That is just me/how I would probably approach it. I definitely don’t think you can invite one sibling and not another (if you know them both, obviously.)
Your wedding is in more than a year; how often do you actually see these people? How often are you in contact? Was the comment made in passing or a “Save the Date!” type of conversation? All of those answers would affect what I think.
Post # 8
I think that you have to invite them, you have already extended the invitation and that is the only kind thing to do. How would you feel if someone had invited you, then recinded but invited your sister. That would just be plain hurtful and I am sure that is not who you are.
Post # 9
Thanks for the response guys! Yes, I figured this would probably be the response I got from most people. Im so pissed off with myself for jumping the gun and inviting everyone! I would like them to be there, I just dont think they care all that much and I would rather spend my wedding day with the people who I care about and vice versa. And Amys bf will just come to get drunk, ugh! You know the first time I met him he sat there insulting my best friends husband and he had never met him! Oh well, my mistake, guess I’ll have to bite the bullet!
@AmeliaBedelia: Amy and Dan arent together but we were all mates at school. I cant invite one without the other. And I dont see Dan and Amy. I havent seen either of them for 2 years and havent really had much contact with them.
The thing is is that Amy and Dan live in Australia and im in New Zealand. Flights are cheap but I reckon “something will come up” and they wont be able to come. So! Send them invites anyway and see what happens you reckon?
Post # 10
You’re assuming that these two people are actually going to come. It’s easier to say no on an RSVP card than to a person’s face. Invite them, more than likely they will decline.
Post # 11
@Vegas Pug: You’re right of course. Im just going to invite them and let the chips fall where they may 🙂
Post # 12
Invite who you want. I sent out STD to 100 ppl as thats who we were inviting. Something happened and our milk prices dropped (we are dairy farmers) and we had to cut our list down to 40. I sent out a letter explaining to ppl and EVERY single person sent a note back saying they completely understood.