(Closed) I seem to be the only one excited…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
484 posts
Helper bee

It makes perfect sense that you feel that way. You don’t feel particularly supported by family, you worry about the financial future based on the tone your inlaws have set and you’re unhappy about your weight. Honestly, everyone will forgive you for shedding a few tears! I don’t think it’s got anything to do with cold feet or not believing in the marriage though. You say that you and Fiance are sensible about finances, maybe to feel extra secure in that tought you can set up a long-term financial plan? i.e. what savings you aim for every month, how much to set aside for emergencies and how much to set aside for larger goals such as a new house or a car (or kids, they’re really expensive!) But in the end you have to remember that your family finances (because you and Fiance will be a new family in your own right) are none of your mom’s business. You have to make it work, you decide how that’s going to be done. 

As far as the wedding’s concerned, do you really want to have a big wedding that involves FI’s family? What are your priorities? From the sounds of it you’ll be working with a fairly small budget but these weddings can be stunningly beautiful and are really worth putting thought and effort into. Heck, it’ll be so much more special than any wedding that just involves slapping down a credit card! It’s tough not having your mom aboard full-time. I was embroiled in a family row for 1,5 years, while we still functioned somewhat on a normal level the wedding was incredibly difficult to discuss and it was lonely and tough. Things have really turned around on this end but all I wanted to say is that I know how it feels. Hang in there, focus on the things you want to do and enjoy. It’s easy to feel inferior/stressed out/under pressure in the wedding industry (there’s a reason it’s worth billions upon billions, they’re very good at persuading brides they’re not spending enough) but in the end you have to have a wedding that you’ll treasure and are financially comfortable with. If the planning process doesn’t involve your mom, don’t look to her for help. Find a friend who loves weddings and spend an obscene amount of time on weddingbee, we’re all here for you!

Weight – well, there’s hundreds of threats dedicated to weight issues on this forum! We all struggle to some degree and it’s hard to loose weight especially in stressful times (I’m certainly a comfort eater!). I’ve managed to turn things around a bit by joining a gym that runs a ton of classes and finding a whole bunch of them that I like. It was hard work at first but then I started seeing it as an opportunity to get away from everything for a while and get some headspace – it’s made a huge difference and not only am I losing a bit of weight now, mentally I feel so much better! See if you can find something similar – go for long walks in the evening or a run, join a class or go swimming every now and then. Don’t see it as exercise, see it as an opportunity to just be by yourself and in your own head for a while. 

Anyway, I hope this essay length reply is helpful! Hang in there and we’ll be here to support you and share your excitement in the run up to the wedding!

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