I set the timeline, now I don't want to wait

posted 5 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
762 posts
Busy bee

 

techgal :  yeah…if he’s all on board, and youse have bought the ring, it’s affordable and everything… I wouldn’t want to wait either Bee!

Just tell him that when you said Christmas, you actually meant EASTER 2019.. duhhh!

Post # 3
Member
1440 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I get it, you can’t wait…but if its a foregone conclussion just chill. Since its an agreement you made together then you just suck it up and stick with it….because this is what adults do.  He may choose to surprise you sooner rather than later but since you both know its going to happen…….learn how to slow your roll.  It may be okay to tell him “Hey….you know you don’t actually need to wait until December ya know” and leave it at that.

How about using some of that angst to be more productive like doing your wedding research?  You could be lining up venues, figuring out your budget, determining your color scheme, your dress.   Weddings are seriously stressfull and you could be giving yourself a huge break if you figure out what you want long before the actual wedding planning!

Post # 4
Member
23 posts
Newbee

This happened to me! My boyfriend and I went ring shopping in the summer of 2018, and intended to get engaged in the summer of 2019. After we picked out a ring, I just felt so ready to be engaged at that point. After we bought the ring, I would say things jokingly/lovingly like: I can’t wait to be engaged, I hate waiting, etc etc. And finally I told him that I was ready whenever he wanted to propose. We got engaged in October 2018!

Post # 5
Member
843 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think hinting is going to get you anywhere. 

“Now that we have the ring, please start planning the proposal. I’d like it to be as soon as you feel comfortable instead of waiting until Christmas. It seemed like a good goal at the time, but I’m getting impatient!” 

If your SO knows you at all, he’ll understand how you’re feeling. 🙂

Post # 6
Hostess
3768 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

techgal :  If he is only waiting because that’s the time you gave him, I would talk to him again.  He seems to prefer straightforward talks, so I wouldn’t hint or suggest, I would just be honest with him and tell him now that everything is coming together sooner, you would love to be engaged when the ring is done.  Ask him how he feels about that and go from there. 

Post # 7
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

If your bf isn’t opposed to it, one thing that really helped me with waiting was that my then-bf kept me updated when he had accomplished something.  So like he would say small things like “talked to the jeweler today” or “picked out the ring” or “made the down payment” or whatever.  It was a way for me to still be involved and stay excited, rather than just sitting there chomping my fingernails to the quick.  It helped me A LOT to be able to be in the loop and have an understanding of his progress.

Post # 8
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

I mean no one pushed him to buy the ring. He had until Christmas to get it…. so the fact he got it so quick should mean he is ready to propose and it is fair that you assume that. Just talk to him. Tell him that ring shopping confirmed for you that you are ready and that if he is in agreement you would like him to propose in the next 4 months. or whatever time you would like. See what he says. 

Post # 9
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

Just have a conversation about it. If you are living together and financially and emotionally ready to start making wedding plans, I see no reason to wait till Christmas just because it’s an arbitrarily romantic time of year. We got engaged on a Wednesday in November and honestly the time of year it happened makes no difference to the process of planning a wedding – we as a society seem to put a lot of emphasis on the proposal and getting engaged, but I personally don’t see the point. It just isn’t what it’s all about to me.

Just discuss it with him openly. 

Post # 11
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

techgal :  Instead of “hinting” that you want him to propose earlier by saying “if you want to…” just talk to him openly about it. Just tell him “since we ended up getting the ring we wanted earlier than ecpected, I’m not sure I want to wait until the end of the year to get engaged anymore. If you’re ready to take that step sooner, I would really like to do that. But if you’re not and you’d prefer to stick to the original timeline, I’d like to know that so I don’t drive myself crazy.”

Post # 12
Member
8031 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

techgal :  

Yeah. And don’t just “see what  he wants to do”   tell him honestly   and straighforwardly what you want, which is that you can’ t wait to be engaged to him.  How can he resist lol!  

Waiting about once the ring is bought has always  seemed to me the oddest and most artificial   thing anyway ! 

Post # 13
Member
1152 posts
Bumble bee

I would literally say this to him:

now I don’t want to wait until flipping December to engaged, even though I’m the one who picked that timeframe. The logical reasons still all make sense for that time – we’ll have hit those milestones, though they feel arbitrary now because I KNOW I love him and want to continue building a life with him; ”

There’s no reason to wait if you both know you want to be engaged now. 

Post # 14
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

techgal :  

Talk to him, he’s the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, you two have to each feel able to air out your deepest feelings. 

We both discussed marriage, engagement, family (dogs!) for years before setting the wheels in motion but, a little like you, now I know the ring is on order and he is planning to pop the q, I can’t wait! When I think about it really, I can’t imagine not being engaged to him and probably have felt like that for a long time. He wants to be the one to do the asking and kinda doesn’t want me to take the wind out his sails, so after we chose the bauble together we agreed to drop the subject so the asking will be the surprise.

You have to do what works for you two, no other couple is going to be exactly like you two, you’re carving a path. What kind of communication works best for you? Then go with that. Do you 😉

Post # 15
Member
711 posts
Busy bee

Dying to see how the talk went! Update us soon bee!

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