(Closed) I should probably go anonymous for this but….

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 152
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Paiger8:  Trust me when I say I understand how you feel. Please break up with this asshole as soon as possible and move on with your life. You mentioned he was about to propose to you. Have you seen the actual ring? What he said was not neccessarily true. When love is gone, you are never going to be good enough in his eyes, no matter how hard you try to please him and his stupid expectation.

This is not a healthy relationship. The longer you stay with him, the worse you feel about yourself. Please do not look down on yourself because of this asshole. You deserve someone that treats you with respect

Post # 153
Member
6 posts
Newbee

next…his definately NOT a keeper im sure u can do better, he really doesnt deserve u. And sure it will hurt for a while and u will think u will never find someone but just like that someone unexpected will pop up and sweep u off ur feet someone who will not control u or lecture uor treat u like a door mat someone who will love u for who u are…i really hope u see reason, dont waste ur time on someone who isnt worth it, life is to short.

Post # 154
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Anaheim Hills Golf Course

@Paiger8:  I’m sorry to say—he does not love you.  It must be so hard to imagine a life without him, but I PROMISE you—-you will be better off having a bit of pain now than a lifetime of sorrow because he mistreats you.  You deserve a man who adores you and feels so lucky to have you. 

Post # 155
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Anaheim Hills Golf Course

@Paiger8:  I’m sorry to say—he does not love you.  It must be so hard to imagine a life without him, but I PROMISE you—-you will be better off having a bit of pain now than a lifetime of sorrow because he mistreats you.  You deserve a man who adores you and feels so lucky to have you. 

Post # 156
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

ummmm you should leave him.. this might turn out ugly… physical abuse god forbid.. dont marry him get out!!! you are a fricking size 4?? thats reallllly skinny. WTF is u going to the gym to loose weight for?? whats going to happen if after marriage u get pregnant and gain some baby weight?? what will happen then?? girl take my stupid advice..  LEAVE

Post # 157
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

please please PLEASE leave him…i watched my own mother go through this with my dad for way too long, and like others have said, it does NOT get better and it will only get harder to leave as more time goes by. i’m so sorry you have had to go through this – think of how amazing and wonderful it’s going to feel when you find someone who isn’t a complete douchebag 🙂 

Post # 158
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Please, please listen to everyone here and leave him!  I know it may feel like we all don’t really know, he IS capable of changing and becoming the sweet guy who sucked you in…but sweetie, we DO know.  We’ve all walked that road and are telling you from the other side, Trust yourself, Gather your strength, It gets so much better but only if you MAKE IT!

If you’re feeling guilty about classifying what he’s doing as “abuse,” let me add my two cents: in college and after, I was in a 3 year relationship.  We had a wonderful, sweet fling for a few months.  If either of us had the strength to break it off then, respectfully and amicably, this would be a nice story about us having fond memories and a good friend.

But it’s not.  We were both scared that we wouldn’t find anything better than the other (so romantic).  So we stayed together and our relationship – between two ordinarily sweet, considerate people –  turned into constant nitpicking, bickering, criticism and fighting.  We didn’t mean to be abusive to each other, but the combination of the two of us was a bad fit that kept rubbing us raw, and as we got more unhappy, it got easier to blame and resent the other.  Does that sound like a good time?  We’re completely out of touch because it got so awful and I don’t think we’ll ever talk again, much less be friends.

You tried on a shoe you thought you loved.  Maybe it still LOOKS really good to you and you can picture how well it would work with all the outfits you have planned!  But when you spend any time walking in it, you end up bleeding, sore and covered in blisters.  You can limp along however long you like, but you’ll never be truly happy until you admit, This isn’t the shoe for me – and take that pair back to the store; you’ll see from posts on here, there is NO SHAME in returns 😉  You sound like the total package, and I promise you there will be the perfect fit out there, probably much sooner than you think!

Post # 159
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

 

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@Cyanfire:  LIKE!! Totally living in a fantasy world! Many times they don’t grow out of it. Friend’s DH is pissed all the time because their sex life isn’t like a porn movie (all the time, everywhere and freaky). Yeah because after working 8 hours, taking care of toddler and her 3 hours of commuting she’s totally horny all the time—not.

Oh this brings back so many memories of my college BF. When he gratuated he also flipped out and would tell me all the things about me that I needed to “fix”. I thought he was “THE ONE” so I put up with the push-pull (go away, come back) for almost 2 years. One mistake I made that I don’t want you to do is focus on the good days. All I could see was the good days and I’d forget the bad days. And it’s surprising how often the bad days would “sneak up on me”. I was in such total denial, I would be like, “I just don’t know why he was acting this way. He’s just not like this”. But I was saying that weekly. 

 

What my ex wanted was to break up, but still have the sex.So we would break up, he’d get lonely or horny and call me up crying about how much he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. We’d get back together for a few days-weeks where he would swing wildly from nice to mean and nit-picking my every flaw, then breakup and few days-weeks later the crying miss you call would come. Seriously kept happening for 2 years until he found another girlfriend. 

 

 

 

Write down all the horrible things he does/says and reading daily (hourly if need be). Don’t let the good times blind you to the bad. 

 

You are a strong smart woman who deserves to find someone who loves everything about you (even your flaws).

Post # 160
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
@lolot:  THIS THIS THIS.

Sorry OP, this is not healthy behavior nor how you treat a SO. 

Post # 161
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Mexico

You would be so much better off without this guy. He’s not the one for you and you deserve WAY better. From the way he talks to you and mean things he says, it seems like he may be ready for the relationship to end as well. Sometimes guys are cowards and don’t want to deal with the confrontation of breaking up with someone so they just act like jerks instead. Your relationship does not sound loving and you shouldn’t be with someone who puts you down and is so negative. It’s definitely time to move on from this relationship. 

Post # 162
Member
1789 posts
Buzzing bee

A large percentage of what people say when they are joking, are serious. They just say it like that so they can say what the want to feel without feeling either vulnerable or like an asshole. So drop him girlie, SIZE 4-6 IS DEFINTALEY ARM CANDY. I want to know his definition of “fat” is and slap him. What would he do if you got pregnant? Baby weight takes a bit of time to shed off.

Post # 163
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I lived with a man like this. Nothing I did was quite good enough. He knew he was critical, but his reasoning was he had my best interest in mind and that he was even more demanding of himself. He wanted me to change my job, dump all my friends, lose 10 pounds, and monitor all the food I ate. This didn’t come on all at once — he was gradual about it, but the list kept growing, no matter how hard I worked at meeting his expectations. I eventually left him, but it wasn’t until he started getting physically threatening that I saw he actually may not have “my best interest in mind”. He made promises to change, but the problem wasn’t his critical nature, it was that he thought he could change me… and that I should change. I realized there was nothing “wrong” with me. Two and a half years later, I heard that that he shot himself in the head and killed himself, after shooting and killing his dog as well.

I feel sorry for him today, but I’m so glad I left him. It was a hard lesson in learning that a man’s love should never divert me from me loving and accepting myself. That doesn’t mean there isn’t room for improvement, but it’s not my man’s job to point out or motivate me to do that. It’s my own job to figure out what I want to improve on about myself. And it’s my man’s job to cherish me just how I am.

You’re 21. You are very, very young. Date more before you get married. Get some experience. That way you’re aware of what you choose to have in your life rather than discover you accepted whatever came your way because you didn’t know otherwise. I was 39 when I finally tied the knot and I’m married to my best friend.

Btw, a great book that helped me IMMENSELY was “Boundaries in Dating” by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. 

Much Love,

From A Girl Who’s Been There Too And Is Better For It!

 

Post # 164
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

OP, I commented on the first page but came back and saw your update and wanted to post again.

The THOUGHT of breaking up can be absolutely paralyzing.  Been there!  With my ex I had thought about breaking up a few times as I knew he should not treat me the way he was and every time I wanted to do it, I just froze up.  If you want to be technical, he’s the one that broke up with me and finally got the nerve to because he had found someone else.

Now that it’s been 2 months, the first of which really did suck, I can honestly say, breaking up was the best thing that ever happened to us.  I no longer have to try to be someone else.  I don’t have to hide going to the gym!  I no longer have to ‘answer’ to his stupid questions and demands!  I did have those days where I wanted to call him but I had enough self respect that I didn’t.

I am now back together with my junior high/high school/college sweetheart.  He makes me feel good about myself; he doesn’t put me down.  Like a PP said, he treats me like I walk on water.  He is soooo good to me!  We have respect for each other, each other’s wants and dreams.

You sound like a great girl, and you deserve someone so much better!  Please, please be good to yourself!  Don’t put up with this yahoo any longer.

Post # 165
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

You have your own apartment and HE LIVES WITH ROOMMATES?! Sorry… there is no soap box for him to stand on – strike 1. Relationships are based on mutual love and RESPECT AS EQUAL PARTNERS and he clearly does not respect you as his equal – strike 2. And the fact that he’s clearly just an ass – strike 3.

Jussayin…

Post # 166
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Paiger8:  does he expect too much of me? 


I really think the answer is yes. relationships take work and maintenance, but you’re an adult, you make your decisions about your future & career. 

The pointing out things about your body isn’t a loving or supportive thing to do Either. Your partner should accept you exactly the way you are.

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