(Closed) I should probably go anonymous for this but….

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 167
Member
3680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This isn’t a healthy relationship. Beyond the awful things he’s doing (unnecessarily being hypercritical about your body image, taking his mother’s side over yours, essentially calling you stupid to his mother), I don’t think I could deal with a Mother-In-Law that got so worked up over sugar decorations. Especially decorations that YOU made. You really do marry the family, and based on this story, I don’t think either the man or the family are worth it.

Post # 168
Member
481 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

…that I have to be “worthy” of being his arm candy. I know he’s joking, but it  really hurts.
I stopped reading after this. He’s not joking. He’s acting like a jerk. No one says stuff like this as a joke. Don’t let him treat you like this!

Post # 169
Member
1789 posts
Buzzing bee

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@emmalyn:  +1

Post # 170
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Paiger8:  Oh, wow. Sounds like a few I’ve dated. It doesn’t matter if you twist yourself into a pretzel because he likes the shape-it will never be enough. You could lose 30 lbs, and he wouldn’t be happy, and would probably accuse you of bulimia. That dude needs to GTFO. You’re worthy of someone AMAZING, not some ass-bag who thinks the sun shines out of his OWN ass.

Post # 171
Member
9126 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

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@Paiger8:  Hey lady – did you make any decisions on this guy?  He’s such a jerk and you deserve someone who loves you  :/ 

Post # 173
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee

I’m suprised you’ve stayed with him honestly. I would be so turned off by all these actions, that I would have been long gone if I were you. You seriously need to leave him, I know it’s hard because you love him, but HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU! A man would NEVER act this way towards a woman he loves. I don’t want to seem like a bitch, but sometimes a gal just needs some tough love. 🙂

Post # 174
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Get out of this relationship soon and count your many blessings that you haven’t married him yet. If all the controll freakishness and belittling weren’t enough, the “Mama drama” puts it right over the edge.

Please do yourself a huge favor and dodge this bullet.

Post # 175
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@emmalyn:  And I completely ditto this!

Post # 176
Member
9126 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

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@Paiger8:  You’re welcome.  It’s hard to let go of what’s comfortable, but I hope you realize you deserve better.  xoxo

Post # 177
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I am so so sorry that you are being treated this way by someone who claims to love you! I am SHOCKED at his comments about your weight. How superficial and shallow can you possibly be? That is completely asinine and uncalled for. I would have slapped him across the face and kicked him in the balls. NOBODY reserves the right to talk to a woman like that, I don’t care who they are. And the people closest to you should know better. And they do, however he is CHOOSING not to give a sh*t about your confidence. Longer you let him treat you like that the more you are enabling his actions.

Seriously reevaluate things here, please. I’ve gained 40 pounds this year, my SO compliments me regularly and has NEVER made me feel ugly about it. Im 24 and working at the freaking walgreeens making hardly anything, does he care? No. He knows i’m doing my best and he knows i work hard. He is proud of me and takes pride in our relationship. He gently pushes me in my goals and never makes me feel like Im not doing enough.

 

You should never take this kind of treatment from a loved one. Ever.

Post # 178
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@Paiger8:  OMG, if someone said something like that to me after working all day, I would punch him/her, I don’t care who it is. In fact, if you were close to me, I’d drive over there right now and punch him for you. And I am a very gentle person, never actually hit anyone in my life (because no one’s ever been so mean to me).

I am LITERALLY heating up (really, I had to turn on the fan) reading your posts. I don’t know how you put up with it. He does not deserve to be your fiance. He doesn’t even deserve to know you. You work, study, cook, and are thoughtful.

Please keep us updated, because once you kick him to the curb, I’m sure everyone following this thread is going to whoop for joy! You are so young and have a full life ahead of you, but not if you stay with him.

Post # 179
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

Thank you so much for posting your story, OP. I am so, so happy I took the time to read this. Your boyfriend sounds like someone I know; he sounds like ME.

I do nearly every single thing you noted to MY boyfriend, and it is refreshing and enlightening to read this through the lens of the person going through it. If you still feel inclined to work this out with your SO, please encourage him to seek therapy!

For me, since being in therapy, I have major control and anxiety issues that I am trying like hell to work through. For the sake of your relationship (if you feel in your heart it is something you want to try to salvage), please have him get therapy. It isn’t fair for you to be stuck with someone like that, just as it is NOT fair for my BF to be stuck with someone like me. Bless my BF’s heart, he has decided to help me through my therapy and even does the assignments my counselor gives me just so he can understand how hard I’m trying. This might benefit the relationship between you and your BF as well. 🙂

Best of luck to you! Trust your heart on what to do in this situation. If he doesn’t want therapy, definitely leave, but if he does, decide whether or not the wait will be worth it.

Post # 180
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

@Paiger8:  Tell him HE needs to lose weight and stop having so many stupid moments. He’s not Brad Pitt and he’s for darn sure not Einstein. He needs to get it together. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! I don’t even know you, and I know you are. Don’t listen to him. You just distance yourself, and you’ll be fine. If he acts like this now, he will later. Trust me. It will take for you to leave him forever for him to see what a good woman he lost. 

Blessings. 

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