(Closed) I should probably go anonymous for this but….

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

The way he is treating you is not your fault, and there is probably nothing you can do that will make it better or change the way he’s acting. You cannot “fix” him.

So sit yourself down and ask, Would you take him as he is, forever? Are you willing to feel this way the rest of your life and commit yourself to this life with him?

I try not to throw around the word abuse because I think it can lessen the meaning of it, but from the way your post sounds, it seems like he is borderline emotionally abusive. He belittles you in front of others. He criticizes every part of your life, and when you make an effort to change these things, he still criticizes and belittles. Bottom line, he’s making you feel like shit and slowly killing your self-esteem and sense of worth. Girl, you started a business…while in college! You work out and keep your body healthy. You bake fondant cakes, which is a level of baking mastery I will never enjoy. You rock, and there is nothing wrong with you. This is something wrong with him.

It may not be physical abuse that has visible injuries, but it is dangerous what it can do to a person. I watched my aunt suffer and be unhappy for so long because she still thought of her husband as the man she married and not the man he’d become. He would make fun of her weight, and if she lost it and became skinny, he’d accuse her of becoming skinny so she could cheat on him and belittle her in front of anyone and everyone until she binge ate and gained the weight back. It was a cruel cycle, and it didn’t stop at her physical appearance. It’s emotional manipulation that spoke to his need to control, and it stemmed from inside him; it had nothing to do with her or her actions.

Post # 18
Member
9124 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

OP, I just want to add: your SO/FI/life partner should be your biggest cheerleader and be constantly amazed at how incredible you are. That is not “puppy love” that you quickly grow out of – that’s what actual true love is.

I feel confident saying this, as I’ve been with my guy for 13+ years and we both feel very much this way. (And that’s after weight gain, disappointing career twists and turns, offended family members, and everything else that you do “wrong”.). 

It will suck, but you gotta leave this jerk so you can find real love with a guy who is not emotionally abusive and actually deserves you.

Post # 19
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Dude, when you meet a guy who is nice to you you’ll look back at this guy and be like “why did I tolerate even a second of that?”

You know, on this Web site we read about a lot of SOs/FIs who are treating their partners badly, but we also read about a lot of great guys and I so often see women here saying “my fiance makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world” and I really think you deserve that. It doesn’t matter if you’re a size 0 or a size 30, your boyfriend shouldn’t be telling you that you need to lose weight to be “worthy” of him.

 

Post # 20
Member
4063 posts
Honey bee

A size 4-6, started your own business, graduating college soon, and you can bake!? You sound like the total package, and he sounds like he was right from the beginning…you’re too good for him! Nobody ever deserves to be criticized and feel like crap from their SO. A lasting relationship doesn’t require love, it requires UNCONDITIONAL love, and this doesn’t sound like it. I’m so sorry you are going through that, but you really are young and have all the time in the world to meet and fall for the right guy. 

Post # 21
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

DTMFA.  Seriously. Run. Do NOT seek counseling. He is not worth it.  I feel angry for you just hearing how terribly you are being treated.  He is being abusive.

Seriously this guy is all wrong. You started a business! That certainly qualifies as ambitious to me.  It sounds like the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree judging from his mother’s reaction to the fondant incident (as in you did nothing to be criticized for, in fact you should have been thanked for making the cake, and yet somehow you got “in trouble” for it?!?)

Post # 22
Member
3051 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I agree with the PPs, he’s not good for you and you deserve better. leave.

Post # 23
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I think he is acting like a jerk because he wants to be dumped.

I also think he is acting very young and living in a fantasy world where he sees himself making loads of money, with a Nobel prize winning type of career right out of college, and with tons of thin, toned, overachieving career women lining up at his door to date him. He needs a reality check, but life will likely take care of that.

Post # 24
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Geez. it doesn’t sound like you can do anything right in his eyes. He treats you very unfairly.

Post # 25
Member
6262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Yeah I’m so sorry, he sounds like a loser. It’s only been 2 years and he’s already trying to control your weight and your job, and is belittling and excluding you. I think you can do much better.

and By The Way I totally support your throwing out of the cake decorations. And you made them, so you should be able to do whatever the hell you want with them. Period. It’s not like SHE slaved away on them

Post # 26
Member
6262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Also, good for you for not going anonymous <3

Post # 27
Member
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

*RED FLAG* signs of future physical abuse, although right now.  His actions include other types of abuse.  Here’s the “Power and Control” wheel which outlines kinds of abuse http://www.uic.edu/depts/owa/power_control-wheel_clip_image001.jpg he is utilizing 7 out of 8 (the 8th involving children)

I always think we are a team, and he sounds like dead weight.

Post # 28
Member
5285 posts
Bee Keeper

This guy sounds like a huge jerk! Next!

sorry to be so blunt but i once dated a guy like that and im sooooooo glad that I didnt end up with someone like that cause frankly i would have went through my whole life miserable and doubting myself constantly

Post # 29
Member
8434 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
@SnurfMurph86:  +1, you can definitely do better OP

Post # 30
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Franklin Plaza

I am so sorry to hear that this is happening to you, no one deserves to get treated that way.  We are all human and we all have flaws.  Move on and find someone who loves you for who you are – flaws and all.  🙂

Post # 31
Member
9833 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry. It seems to me this man obviously has no respect for you.

The topic ‘I should probably go anonymous for this but….’ is closed to new replies.

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