(Closed) I should probably go anonymous for this but….

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 77
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@bridesmomma:  this. +1. 

No. Plus infinity. 

Post # 78
Member
2909 posts
Sugar bee

@Paiger8:  Please come back and let us know what you’re thinking. I’m really worried about you!

Post # 79
Member
3716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

@Paiger8:  He sounds horrible. I am sure there are the good parts, but you mentioned a few red flags. First, what ass comments on your weight? Saying something once out of concern is okay, but the extent to which he does it is cruel. What would he say to your daughters or when you are recovering from being pregnant? Do you want your sons to think this is okay?

Second is the job thing. It is the first week in Februrary, you shouldn’t have a job yet. I was one of the first people in my class of college and grad school to line up jobs after graduation and that wasn’t until mid-March. Him beating up on you about it unnecessary. Also, why isn’t his internship lined up yet? It should be and that is how he will get a job. If he doesn’t have his life in order, but is pressuring you, that is a red flag. FWIW, My Fiance is an engineer that works with aerospace, his father, best man, brother, and close friends all work as or with aerospace engineers at NASA. They make decent money, but they tend to have to be cleared and being a dick and somethings you said would be red flags in the clearance process. No clearance=no great job– as many of my friends have learned. Possibly ok job.

Third, the friends thing. If he is excluding you, it is because he doesn’t want you there. Why doesn’t he want you there? Is he cheating? Is he talking shit about you. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and is proud to include you. Him not including you is plain disrespectful and a deal breaker.

Finally, the whole “arm candy” thing. The way I view it is that he thinks of himself as a hot shot rocket scientist who deserves a trophy wife. (He clearly hasn’t see the wives of rocket scientists– successful ones date really smart and caring girls and know what is on the inside matters). You don’t have to earn a spot on his arm– he is lucky to have you. Honestly, he needs a big taste of the real world. You deserve better and he won’t change while with you. The best thing you could do for him, and yourself, is to break up.

Post # 80
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You ARE too good for him.

Post # 81
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Leave him now, before it gets any worse and your confidence in yourself is destroyed. 

Post # 82
Member
5217 posts
Bee Keeper

You already know what you need to do , which is why you posted this in the first place. I hope the 80+ unanimous responses give you the strength to make those steps to get out of this relationship.

I was in a very similiar relationship when I was your age, and it took me a long time ( over a year) to work up the courage to end things. Just because he used to be a good, or he is a good guy the “majority” of the time doesn’t mean he has to be the right guy. 

He is picking YOU apart because of glaring insecurities in his own self. You are a reflection of what he holds to be valuable, and it is clear he is very inadequate with himself, with his abilities and he has found that you’ve fallen into the role of ” him pleaser” ( whatever his name is). You will NEVER be smart, skinny, educated enough because HE will never be happy with the end result of any of those things. He will always have to try an assert his intelligence, his physical abilities, his degrees over who ever is willing to play his second, because he won’t allow you to be his equal. 

You deserve someone better, but more than that– you deserve to spend your time, your energy, your workouts, your money and your emotions on someone who respects you and doesn’t hold a checklist over your head of what you should or could be.

Post # 83
Member
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

What a monster! Get rid of him,and find a guy wothey of how INSANELY AWESOME you are!

Post # 84
Member
844 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

He was right, you are too good for him. 

Post # 85
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I haven’t read all the comments so I don’t know if this was touched on, but I have been friends with a lot of guys over the years that pull this shit when they no longer want to be in a relationship but don’t want to be “the bad guy” when ending it. It sounds like buying the ring made him evaluate, he freaked out that he doesn’t want to get married (or at least any time soon), and can’t end it so he’s being a total dick (because, I’m sorry, I know you love him, but he is being a dick).

If he’s this critical of how you live your life, just wait until kids enter the picture (if you’re planning on them)- You’re  not going to breastfeed for 2 years? You’re using THOSE diapers? My mom always did this… And if you want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom for a while, he will have all the income which will make him think he has even more grounds to micromanage and control. This is not magically going to stop- it will only get worse.

Post # 86
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I agree with everything these ladies have said, its time to leave and never look back.   

Post # 87
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

i can keep the short. DUMP HIM move on and enjoy your life! otherwise you will regret it.

Post # 88
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Well, considering EVERYONE had the same response (which is rare, even in cases like this) I think it’s evident what you should do. Leave him, while you’re still legally single, and start over. Kick a$$ at your business (which I think is incredible personally, for starting a business while in college), and continue to do all the things YOU love doing. No one deserves to be treated/talked down to like they’re stupid. Ever, for any reason. There are TONS and TONS of wonderful guys out there that will treat you with love and respect, and you’re not going to find that by staying with this douche.

Post # 89
Member
3460 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Likely, he doesn’t want to get married (may have nothing to do with YOU at all) and wants to slow down or break up but doesn’t know how.  Instead, he seems to be going out of his way to convince himself that you’re actually not the right girl for him.  On top of that, he’s pushing you  away so that you can get fed up, break it off and then he won’t have to be accountable to himself for the relationship’s demise. If you choose to talk to him about this, you can but he likely won’t be honest with you. He’s either a jerk and is doing this on purpose or is emotionally immature and doesn’t realize he’s doing it.  I’d get out sooner than later. He obviousl wants to be free.

Post # 90
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wow that sounds really horrible. He is not only disrespectful,condescending, and rude, but he sounds like one of the biggest jerks I have ever heard of. Yes every boyfriend/fiancé/husband has their rude moments (and so do we) but he has taken it to an extreme that is way beyond acceptable. I would run away as fast as you can. The longer you stay in a toxic relationship like this the more damage you will incur upon your own mental health. 

Post # 91
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@Paiger8:  He sounds like he’s incredibly stressed and immature. To be completely honest, the second he started criticizing your body (which sounds perfectly healthy and normal by the way) you should have dumped his sorry ass. I would never tolerate behavior like that from someone who is supposed to love me unconditionally.

I can’t tell you what decision to make. Is he being too hard on you? Absolutely. You need to have a serious talk with him about the way he’s acting and let him know that it’s no acceptable for him to treat you that way. I wish I could give you a big hug right now!

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