- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
My mom and I have a rocky relationship. She spent most of my teen years in prison, and most of my childhood too high to be a real parent. She has been out of prison for 5 years now, and has done a decent job putting her life back together. She has a decent job, her own mobile home, and her own vehicle. Sure she couldn’t stay clean, and had to manipulate her doctor into getting medical marijuana, but I’ll give her bonus points for at least making sure her habit was legal.
Now that I’m engaged, I thought maybe she’d actually step up and try to be a kind of decent mother. Maybe she’d offer to help in some way, shape, or form, or even remotely interested in the fact that I’m getting married. From day one it’s been a big let down. When I told her our wedding date she acted disappoitned because it was the same weekend as Nascar. Then she made a snarky comment about how I was getting married and graduating college in the same year, as if it was an inconvenience or would cost her too much money.
On the other side of things, my FI’s mother, who is out of work because of health issues and on a very limited income has already offered to give us a pretty big amount of money to help pay for things, and is throwing our rehersal dinner and wants to throw us a joint wedding shower/engagement party. I was hoping to ask my mom to help her with the party but tonight while we were discussing me working extra hours to pay for wedding stuff she said she laid this gem on me:
“I’m so proud of you, and appreciate that you understand my situation, and that I can’t help with anything.”
I don’t understand her situation I guess, because I thought she’d be able to help with a few little things (like the shower since my sister who is my Maid/Matron of Honor is out of the country) and such. I guess my most negative feelings about it are just that it seemed like a kind of manipulative way to make sure I didn’t ask her for any help, since it’s not like I’ve said that I understand her situation and don’t expect help. Also it would be nice instead of just saying she can’t help, if she had said something like “I know you know I don’t have a lot of extra money, but if there is anything I can do to help that doesn’t cost any more, or is under X amount of money let me know”.
I guess it would just be nice if it felt like she was willing to help with something at all. I try really hard to have a relationship with her despite her lack of effort. Example: I call her every week and she never calls or visits me, my sister who is in Korea has been there since Thanksgiving and my mom hasn’t even e-mailed her! I lived in an apartment 1 block from where she worked for 6 months and she never once came over to visit, and have lived at my current apartment with my Fiance for two years and she has been in the area at least 4 or so times and has enver been to visit despite repeated invites (we have a spare room, so she’d just need to get here, and it’s only 2 hours away).
I guess I’m just feeling let down, and like I DON’T understand her situation because she spends a lot of money on marijuana and just bought herself a brand new touch screen computer (that she hardly uses) and an ice shack, but yet she’ can’t do anything at all to help with my wedding and even asked my grandmother if she could share her cabin since she doesn’t think she can afford her own (but a month before the wedding is going on a weekend trip to watch Nascar).
I just wish her priorities were a little more centered on being a good mom for once. *sigh*