(Closed) I shouldn't have waited.

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
880 posts
Busy bee

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I hope you know that you are loveable and Will find happiness.  It can’t be easy living your teen years, all your 20s with a manipulative jerk. I encourage you to talk to someone about this. I felt similar feelings  benefited greatly from counseling. ***hugs***

Post # 3
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Thank you for sharing your story.  I wwlas married to my first husband for 22 years, until one day he announced that he didn’t want to be married any more.  What he meant was he didn’t want to be married to me.  

I thought I’d be alone for the rest of my life.  Then one day I met the love of my life, the man I was meant to be with all along.  At a funeral. 

Post # 4
Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE

My sister was with someone for 12 years, from high school to age 28-29, and as soon as she dumped his sorry butt, she met an amazing guy and was married within two years! They just bought a house and are now trying for children. There is still time, and this is the age most guys who aren’t married yet are interested now, even if they weren’t in their 20s. Go get em!

Post # 5
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
shyhopeful:  

Awww…I want to give you a hug and tell you it will be ok…it WILL be ok…

I am older and have been through pretty much EVERY relationship scenario in the world! lol …I know right now you are REALLY down and feeling kind of hopeless…let yourself feel like that for a while…it is normal and it is ok…focus on you – go to the gym, get your nails done, buy yourself pretty clothes, bags, shoes, etc…pamper yourself…and give yourself time to grieve – not for your loss, but for the loss of your dream…the fact of the matter – he WASN’T the right guy…just because HE wasn’t is NOT a reflection on YOU…AT.ALL…

If it was, that would be saying every girl that was ever cheated on, deserved it, every girl that was ever physically abused deserved it…we KNOW that isn’t true!!

You are young…30 is YOUNG…you have PLENTY of time to meet someone, date for a couple years, get engaged, get married, enjoy being married, then have kids if you want…you have every opportunity still available to you!! That said, pick a timeframe in YOUR mind – what YOU are comfortable with…and don’t listen to what other people say…for me, it was 2 years of living together…I had friends that told me I was ridiculous and stupid if I gave up a good relationship because I wanted more…that was MY choice…they are free to make their own choices…

This is a great opportunity for you…you KNOW you are capable of a long term relationship – you know you are capable of living alone as an ADULT (SO many people AREN’T!)…I don’t know you, so I am not going to blow smoke up your ass and tell you how wonderful you are and what you have to offer the right guy, but I am sure you do have those things, and I would encourage you to think about it and focus on who you are, what you want, what you need and what you have to offer…

When the time is right – put yourself out there…try online dating, take up a new hobby, take a vacation alone…you will be amazed who you will meet! 

Don’t be so hard on yourself…this is a difficult time – you earned the right for a small pity party 🙂 

Post # 6
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Oh my goodness, please don’t feel that no one wants to marry you. Just because your ex didnt propose doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of a proposal. You’ve given him a lot of years, but there was a lesson in your journey. Know your worth, and that you’re worthy of a commitment.

Post # 7
Member
43 posts
Newbee

I am so sorry you went through this. And I sympathize because I’m in the same boat. I wasn’t with him for as long as you, but I was with him over four years. I waited and waited because he told me he’d want to marry me “someday”. Well we were approaching “someday” when he cheated on me. I always felt our relationship was moving SO slowly. The girl he’s with now, the one he cheated with, I hear from mutual friends that they are moving at light speed. I just know they will get married and he won’t keep her waiting over four years. I feel how you feel. I feel mad that these guys give us false hope…just be honest. I’ll be turning 30 this year and although I know that isn’t “old”, with all my friends being married and some have kids, I feel like I might not find that love either. But I hope we both do. I just wish I had known this or had read something like what you wrote a good 2 or 3 years ago. I wish I’d looked at who he was and what our relationship actually was and not what I wanted it to be. So I second your advice. I wish you the best of luck though and the logical part of me tells me it is possible for you (and for me hopefully!) to find a better love one day. Hugs.

Post # 8
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

View original reply
shyhopeful:  I met my husbsand at 33 and got married ( had a fairytale wedding) and we have a great relationship with a baby on the way! Don’t give up hope! Don’t catastrophize by assuming the way one man felt about you, the same is true of every man, if everyone felt the same in the world, there would be no need for elections, for Coke AND Sprite and no wars. Congrats on clearing the path for Mr. Right!

Post # 9
Member
1903 posts
Buzzing bee

I just want to give you the biggest hug right now! I am so, so sorry that you feel this way but know him not wanting to get married is not a reflection of your, but rather himself.

One day, one of those guys in the jewellery store will be your guy and all this heartache will be worth it. I’m sure of it.

Keep your head up and your heart strong xoxo

Post # 11
Member
3243 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

At 30 I got out of a toxic relationship with my ex fiancé (we were on and off for 3 years). A year, at 31, although healed from the relationship, I had no interest in getting into another one. I was open to dating, casually, but believe all relationships sucked the life out of you and wanted no part of it.  Met a guy online, and within two weeks I knew he was different and that I could marry him. Two years later I did. 

All hope is not lost, I promise. Take time to heal yourself, and he will be put in your life when you least expect it. 

Post # 12
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - Our Backyard

View original reply
shyhopeful:  I’m sorry. And you’re right, guys do lie. The first date with my ex-husband I told him I eventually wanted to move from the town where we lived bc it was a dead-end for my career there. He said he was fine with that.  Fast fwd 9 years and we’re getting a divorce. One reason being that I’m moving and he doesn’t want to leave the town he loves. When I questioned him saying he was “fine with moving” he admitted he lied and thought I’d change my mind. 

As far as finding love again. You will. I am with an amazing guy and have never been happier. It was an unexpected love for both of us so you never know when/who/how it will happen. Chin up! Be happy you got out while you’re still young. Sorry he wasted your time but at least you know who you are and what you want. Best wishes, stay strong!

Post # 13
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

Please listen to the previous posters above me. You are so worthy of a man who loves you and you will find him. Sorry to sound cliche. There’s roughly 7 billion people in the world, there’s someone out there for you, don’t give up <3 Sending you lots of love *hugs*

Post # 14
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee

I can tell you that you will find someone…someone perfect for you. I heard the same lies…from age 27 to age 35. Eight years gone in a flash. He never had any intention of marrying me despite all the time, all he said, and living together for the last two years of it (which somehow made it worse). After I finally got up the courage to leave, I immediately got involved with someone even worse for an additional year and a half. Not only did he lie to my family, my friends, and me about wanting to marry me, he was nasty, as well. So here I was, starting over again and on the doorstep to 37. Less than two years after that, at age 38, I met my now husband. It took him 8 months to propose. I strongly believe all the life lessons I learned with previous idiots led me straight to the man of my dreams. I got married at 40. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. It will happen for you too…and way before 40. So please don’t feel so down. I know it’s easier said than done but I can promise you there are always better things (and life partners) on the near horizon. **hugs**

Post # 15
Member
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sorry you had this experience and are now feeling “less than”. You aren’t! Please believe that. Life is about learning through experience and sometimes the painful experience teaches us more. But I’m glad you shared your story; it’s one that a lot of women need to hear. Hope is not a plan, and words mean nothing without action. 

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