(Closed) I shouldn't have waited.

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
346 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
yarrowwind:  Thank you for sharing your story!

Post # 47
Member
346 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
shyhopeful:  Thank you for sharing.

Well said “I think what people don’t always understand is that timelines are not for your SO. They’re for YOU”

 

Post # 48
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
shyhopeful:  I hope things start to look up for you very soon, OP. What your ex did to you was shameful, and he is a total coward.

I agree with your point that women should communicate their needs and wants to their SOs. Sitting quietly waiting for your Boyfriend or Best Friend to propose or “shutting it up” doesn’t do you any favors. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think anyone should talk about getting engaged 24/7, but making your expectations clear and leaving the relationship if your baseline needs are not being met seems like the right course of action. I wouldn’t put a mental timeline on a relationship, such as “if he doesn’t propose after ___ years of dating, I’ll walk away,” because every relationship is different based on the ages and maturity levels of the people concerned. However, if my Fiance had equivocated or dragged his feet after we had reached a point where it was right for us to get engaged, I would have walked. Hopefully your story makes some waiting bees realize that it’s okay to speak their minds to their SOs about wanting marriage and/or a family if they haven’t done so already.

Post # 49
Member
39 posts
Newbee

I’m 38, a mother of a fantastic 15 year old. I was married for 2 years before the death of my husband, when our son was 3 weeks old. I dated again. Got into a relationship, wasted 7 years with someone that called me his fiancée but never proposed. I walked. 

Now I’ve been in a relationship with someone for 5 years that I am madly in love with but who shies away fron topics of marriage. “Someday” and “let’s take it day by day”. Our kid’s get along, we both own our own homes, finances are fine, we’really immensely compatible.

And I’m crying as I read your story because I relate. He proposed to his ex wife after only 6 months. I don’t want to be 40 or 50 or 60 and alone. But I feel like I’m everyone’s right-now woman and no one’s forever woman. And maybe my only chance died when I was 22. 

Post # 50
Member
16 posts
Newbee

I’m 8 years into my relationship with no proposal. He says things like “If only we had the finances” (we’re not poor), “I want to marry you”, “By this time next year you should have a ring.” I have gently asked him if this is a hook to keep me around, which he insists it’s not. It saddens me to watch my friends get married as I get older and slightly chubbier each year. My older sister is 6 years into her relationship with no ring, and she just gave her boyfriend the ultimatum. I don’t want to be engaged by force like that, I have faith in him, but posts like this make me wonder.

Post # 51
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
heartburn:  There is no such thing as an only chance.

Post # 52
Member
4243 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

This is an important story for people who get caught in the hamster wheel of “waiting”.  There are many guys who DO want marriage.  Guys WILL propose if they see a future with you.  And OP, this wasn’t your only “chance”.  This wasn’t the end of the road for you.  It is so GOOD that you walked.  I know it was hard and I know it probably felt like the worst thing ever, but it was the RIGHT decision.  Never think otherwise.

I think sometimes people get caught up in the fact that they are in love with that person, but no matter how much you love someone, if it isn’t working it isn’t working.  It also isn’t wrong to want or expect commitment in the form of marriage.  It is ok to be upfront and honest about desires to be married.

Post # 53
Member
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

Such a brave, honest post and so important for Waiting Bees to read, especially when there are posts on here telling women to be patient, doin’t pressure him, don’t bring it up and spoil the surprise.

I’m especially torn when I see Bees on here who do get proposed to after waiting angst and drama, saying ‘see, it’s all worth it in the end, I wish I’d just been happy and chill and never given it a second thought. Just keep quiet and let him do his thing- your turns are coming Bees’……because on one hand, I often hesitate to piss on other Bee’s engagement posts, but on the other hand this is really really bad advice for Waiting Bees. Because not every waiting Bee does get her happy ending, at least not with the person she’s currently waiting on. And even if a Bee does get proposed to, I still maintain that she shouldn’t regret bringng it up or getting justifiably upset over it, it is what it is but it’s something the couple was able to work through and that’s on both of them not just her. Honest communication is still a much better route to go than quiet patient limbo that could end with unrealized dreams.

Post # 54
Hostess
9136 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
shyhopeful:  As this post has been weirdly ressurected is there an update OP (if you still even come here?).

 

Hope you are doing well and that life since walking has been a blast. I know the time since I walked away has been the best 2 years of my life.

The topic ‘I shouldn't have waited.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors